# Have you or your partner ever had an abortion due to an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813 "2011-05-05T04:53:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/1 "2011-05-05T04:53:51Z")
This is an alternative to the sister public thread and only pertains to unwanted/unplanned pregancies and not to deliberate pregancies. Feel free to elaborate; or don’t. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/2 "2011-05-05T05:59:54Z")
Honestly, even with all the options, I didn’t find the one that worked for me. I was using a IUD and it didn’t work. OK, I was able to deal with a child holding the IUD in his/her hand when she came out. That didn’t happen. Points at my username. Children will never happen for me. goes back to pawning idiot lady thread, I’m crying now. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/3 "2011-05-05T10:05:52Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Honestly, even with all the options, I didn’t find the one that worked for me. I was using a IUD and it didn’t work. OK, I was able to deal with a child holding the IUD in his/her hand when she came out. That didn’t happen. Points at my username. Children will never happen for me. > > goes back to pawning idiot lady thread, I’m crying now. I’m very sorry for your loss, flatlined. You are right, I should have included a few more choices, including one which describes an unplanned pregnancy that resulted in a devastating loss. Thank you for sharing a painful memory that may help someone else to cope. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/4 "2011-05-05T10:39:51Z")
You forgot yes, health issues. Though mine was a combination of failed BC [tubal ligation had a failure] and health issue [I was very specifically given a tubal at a very young age because trying to complete a pregnancy would most likely be fatal to me, I had 2 very disasterus pregnancies already by that time. I really was trying to avoid a third one.] ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/5 "2011-05-05T10:48:35Z")
I think the last option should be “No, but…” because one hasn’t actually been performed? ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/6 "2011-05-05T11:55:43Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Honestly, even with all the options, I didn’t find the one that worked for me. I was using a IUD and it didn’t work. OK, I was able to deal with a child holding the IUD in his/her hand when she came out. That didn’t happen. Points at my username. Children will never happen for me. > > goes back to pawning idiot lady thread, I’m crying now. you are the person I want to hug today ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/7 "2011-05-05T13:10:48Z")
Missing the obvious: no, the situation hasn’t come up, and we would have to make a decision when it did. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/8 "2011-05-05T13:15:44Z")
I was fifteen. I think that’s the only reason I needed. We did use a condom but I guess that wasn’t enough. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/9 "2011-05-05T13:18:47Z")
And another missing, which would be me and, I suspect, the majority of other people: No; the situation has come up, but I/we chose to carry to term and be a parent. Pro-choice includes the choice to carry to term and be a parent, after all. ETA: and, for me, add “because while I was diligent about birth control, it failed” if you’d like to make it parallel to the choices offered for “yes” responses. ---
**Author:** ![BigDadWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@BigDadWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigDadWolf)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/10 "2011-05-05T13:37:05Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > And another missing, which would be me and, I suspect, the majority of other people: No; the situation has come up, but I/we chose to carry to term and be a parent. > > Pro-choice includes the choice to carry to term and be a parent, after all. > > ETA: and, for me, add “because while I was diligent about birth control, it failed” if you’d like to make it parallel to the choices offered for “yes” responses. Ditto for me - there is not a choice which fits my experience. I don’t believe abortion is murder but abortion was not the right choice for my then girlfriend and now wife. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/11 "2011-05-05T13:54:21Z")
Your third option is really prejudice against the childfree. Many of us choose not to have children because of very unselfish motives such as concern about overpopulation. I vote yes, had an abortion because birth control is failable. I never want to endure pregnancy and there are already plenty of children in my family who need someone to care about them if I get the urge. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/12 "2011-05-05T13:56:16Z")
I voted, "Yes, because though I/we were diligent about birth control, our method failed. " And I have spoken on my abortion here, and my story is on “I’m not sorry”. But really I would have voted that I never wanted to have a child, except I don’t see how that’s selfish. I frankly disagree. ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/13 "2011-05-05T14:08:55Z")
I voted that it has never happened, but if it did, I wouldn’t have an abortion. I want another kid like I want a terminal illness, but I couldn’t get rid of my husband’s child. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/14 "2011-05-05T14:12:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > But really I would have voted that I never wanted to have a child, except I don’t see how that’s selfish. I frankly disagree. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Elysium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Elysium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysium)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/15 "2011-05-05T14:19:15Z")
If you asked me this when I was 19 and in college when I went 3 months without a period and was terrified I was pregnant, I would have answered “yes, I would have terminated the pregnancy.” At that time, I turned out not to be pregnant (PCOS diagnosis instead) but my mind was made up to terminate. If I had an unplanned pregnancy now (while on BC) I would choose to carry to term. Then probably get Essure or a ligation, as 2 kids is plenty for me. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/16 "2011-05-05T14:35:36Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > You forgot yes, health issues. This. Some people cannot maintain a pregnancy for the sake of their own wellbeing. My partner is such a person. No one involved makes any apology for not sacrificing an existing life for a potential one. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/17 "2011-05-05T15:33:56Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Agreed. Agree. Childfree does NOT equal selfish. I could have expanded to poll to 20+ options and still would have missed many of the reasons abortion was/would be chosen. If anything, this poll serves to illustrate the gray areas to others who feel abortion is a black/white issue. My own answer does not fit any of my own (limiting) categories: 1st abortion after discovering a heritable disease that would almost certainly result in severe spinal problems for the child and would have caused enormous physical burden on the mother, who suffers from a spinal disorder due to an injury her mother suffered while carrying her. 2nd abortion (yes, there were two) was the result of failure of oral contraceptives used diligently. A vasectomy solved that problem forever. And also: never wanted children, and I’m/we are not selfish, either. We shower our niece and nephew with love and attention, and welcome them into our home and lives whenever possible. We do not dislike children, and adore the children of our friends, even the wilder ones. But, for us: an abortion would have been the solution to an unwanted pregnancy under most circumstances. At any age. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/18 "2011-05-05T15:57:01Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > And another missing, which would be me and, I suspect, the majority of other people: No; the situation has come up, but I/we chose to carry to term and be a parent. > > Pro-choice includes the choice to carry to term and be a parent, after all. > > ETA: and, for me, add “because while I was diligent about birth control, it failed” if you’d like to make it parallel to the choices offered for “yes” responses. This describes my experience more or less exactly. Unexplainable failure of birth control, followed by decision to go ahead and become a parent. It was a few years earlier than I’d have chosen to become a parent, but I knew I wanted kids “someday” so I decided the day had come. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/19 "2011-05-05T16:02:30Z")
"Yes, because I’m/we’re selfish and never wanted to share my/our world with a child. " Seriously, what the fuck is with this option? Talk about poisoning the well. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813/20 "2011-05-05T16:06:40Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > "Yes, because I’m/we’re selfish and never wanted to share my/our world with a child. " > > Seriously, what the fuck is with this option? Talk about poisoning the well. Ugh. Missed that because I skipped over all the “Yes” options. Really nice. :rolleyes: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/have-you-or-your-partner-ever-had-an-abortion-due-to-an-unwanted-unplanned-pregnancy/580813.md?page=2)