I have known at least a couple of ladies who had more children because the previous ones did not love them enough. It never worked out. The reason the previous children did not love them enough was because without exception they were unlovable harridans who turned even their children against them.
With extremely dysfunctional families, multiple divorces, multiple generations continuing to live under the same roof, multiple convicts and/or ex-convicts, multiple children born out of wedlock, etc. you’re going to see a wide variation of parent/child relationships.
To expect normalcy within that type of framework would be too much.
I haven’t seen any relative have more children because their older siblings didn’t pan out, but I do have a distant cousin who uses pregnancy as a way to keep a man. Her distorted thinking is having a baby with someone makes him (the father not the baby) an instant permanent part of her life.
She is on number 4 by the 4th different guy. Still single, none of the man are in her life and yet she still hasn’t changed her thinking or actions.
I refuse to recognize certain relations because because “x” reason.
My niece doesn’t seem to love her son enough for “x” reason.
Seems you have much more in common than you think.
Recognizing them as related is really about the only obligation one would have to such a relation.
I mean, it’s not like many people are real involved with their nephews children but you’ve shrugged off even that because of your disappointment.
Seems to be rooted in the same personality trait.
Really understanding that part of yourself could allow you some insight…whether that leads to you being able to give useful advice or just to you better understanding…who knows.
Not the same reason for having the additional kids, but my maternal grandma had three daughters: Lolita the first, my mother and Lolita (born after the death of her eldest sister).
One day Mom and my aunt were furious over a remark their mother had made about how “the only one of my daughters who never mistreated me was Lolita the first!!!”. I asked “well, how old was she? Not even three, if I remember correctly?” “
…yeeeeeah?” “OK, so she never argued with the old woman because she never learned to speak, that’s all!”
Note that by that point, I’d been hearing variations on “the only one of my daughters who never gave me grief was Lolita the First” for over 40 years. The biggest problem with fucked-up people isn’t that they’re fucked up, it’s that they fuck others up.
Do you ever purposely overstate thing accidentally? 