I tried to shoot you an E-mail but it seems you are just as cautious as me. If you set a hotmail account or something in the next couple of hours I will respond. You can’t stay at my place (you’d be suprised how many people ask) but me and the o’l lady will meet you at your hotel. I’m always willing to give fellow dopers a tour.
Unless they’ve reopened it in the last few years, I can say definitively that the one on Kuhio is closed (I had no idea until reading this thread that there was another one on Maui). I lived a few doors away from it, and it closed down not long before I moved back to the mainland. Damn shame…IIRC, they took that huge banyan tree down too (I think it was splitting, so it was a safety issue)…and let’s be clear; although it was known as a “gay bar”, it was better known as a lively place to party. Different sensibilities in Hawaii…it’s just not that big of a deal to be gay there.
I just told my wife the mahu knock-knock joke (she grew up in Honolulu); we both got a kick out of it (retarded laughter ensued). 
Speaking of banyan trees and focussing more on Maui, I’m sure you’ll go to see the largest tree in the world in Lahaina, a banyan. (There’s some qualification necessary as to what “largest” means here. It’s not like the Aspens in Colorado; I’m not sure what the difference is.) It’s the centerpiece of one of the parks, if something that big can be said to have a center. (When you go, you’ll see what I mean.) Also, if you want to see some scenery, visit Iao Valley State Park to see the Iao Needle (natural rock formation; I see it every once in the background on TV shows). Not really strenuous enough to qualify as a hike, but there’s some walking involved.
I had to check the spelling of “Iao” (I could’ve sworn it was “I’o”) and came across this Maui attractions page. The only reason I post it is because it mentions a restaurant called “Humuhumunukunukuapua’a” at the Grand Wailea Resort. I’ve never been there, so I can’t vouch for it, but the description makes it sound like a good place for a nice dinner out – I’d go, if I were on Maui.
Couple more notes for someone who’s never been to Hawaii:
[ul]
[li]The humuhumunukunukuapua’a is the state fish; as with many Hawaiian words, I used to use people’s pronunciation as a gauge of how familiar they are with the islands (try saying “Kalanianiole” five times fast). If you go to Hanauma Bay (on Oahu), you’ll get to see (pet?) some up close.[/li][li]Also, be prepared for bugs. Remember, it’s tropical – you most likely won’t get away without seeing any B-52 cockroaches (especially if you check out a banyan tree up close). A friend I went to Maui with was freaked out when she found a cane spider in the sink; all I could say was, “It happens”.[/li][li]Last thing – you don’t really use compass directions in Hawaii, you use the terms “mauka” and “makai” which, loosely translated, mean “toward the mountains” and “toward the sea”. It’s a much more useful convention for giving directions when on an island, although it took me some getting used to.[/li][/ul]
Again, enjoy your stay – it’s a wonderful place to be.
I spoke with a Honolulu bicycle cop on one of my visits. He mentioned that riding a bike on the sidewalk is illegal, and he often writes cites for it. So if you ride, stay on the road.
In town a lot of people rent mopeds.
The Aloha bowl / swap meet is just a couple of blocks from the entrance to the Arizona Memorial. I had to buy 2 extra suitcases at the swap meet on our last trip to haul all the shit my wife bought back. I tell people she got a thank you letter from the Governor thanking her for keeping the state’s economy in the back. 
A new suitcase at the swap meet is about $23 dollars. In town that same suitcase is $50
Not 24 hours, but we ate past 10 several nights and they weren’t closing the place on us.
My T-Mobile service was great. No clue about roaming, since mine is a company phone, and I don’t see the bill. Postage is same as anywhere else.
Actually, my email address is listed in my profile under “interests”. And zap me an email…will at least try to give you a call to say howdy…er, Aloha…while I am there!
Sounds like it could be fun and financially dangerous at the same time…will put this on the list of must-dos.
Don’t say you wern’t warned. 
…riding a bike on the sidewalk in waikiki is illegal…
I was born there, EvilGhandi. I am not the only person of the opinion that Makaha is not the safest place on Oahu.
According to this site, Honolulu is No. 45 and Las Vegas is No. 30.
This site lists Honolulu as No. 47.
I’m sorry, but what does this mean?
I would strongly recommend that you don’t ride bikes on the streets of Waikiki. There is a very good chance you will be injured or killed. There are few (if any) bike lanes, and they aren’t respected like they are in bike-friendly places on the Mainland.
You are better off with a moped; you don’t need a motorcycle license to ride them there, and you can park them in a bike racks, which is very convenient because parking in Hononlulu is a bitch. They’re also cheap on gas, which runs about $2.85 a gallon there.
Oh, the water - it’s cold. It’s damned cold. You cannot imagine my shock. It looks just like a postcard - blue and purple and such. We were there in July and I only got in it once, though. Recall, however, that I’m accustomed to Southern beaches and vacationed on the Gulf coast as a child. I don’t get in it unless it’s at least 86.
Also, it’s super salty.
I was there in January of 2004 and the water was great. But I was coming from Ohio where the temperatures were about 20 at the time.
Lok
The confusion comes about because Honolulu is both the city and the county at the same time. They are a single entity. But for census purposes the C&C was divided into census designated places or CDPs. Honolulu CDP includes just the areas covered in red and includes only about 377,000 people.
Since the whole island is part of the City & County of Honolulu you could say that the population is about 876,000 in 2000 putting us just behind Detroit. But we don’t because the Census Bureau divis things up by where the cities borders would be were they set up like they are in most places on the mainland.
The 57 goes by, the 22 goes in. If that’s what you’re going to do take the 2, 13 or B bus west (away from the bay) till you get to the Statue of Kalakaua and catch the 22 bus there. It’s the first stop and you’ll get to sit. By the time the 22 and 57 get down to the zoo end it’s often so full they wont stop to pick any one up. Which sucked for me since they were my school buses. Man that was annoying. The 57 doesn’t stop by the statue but is does at the next stop down by Launiu St.
And a flashlight. What kills people is the 99 steps in a row. 99 narrow steep little steps. I was wearing a heart monitor when I did that 7 years ago. I hit 199 beats per minute.
And more in Waikiki.
They knocked down the whole block (easier done after that massive banyan fell over in high wind) and built some upscale shops. Although where HM was (at the end of Launiu is you want to check things out with Google Earth) is still an empty lot. I think the rainbow flag that used to hang there was moved down the street to a bar on the corner of Kuhio and Seaside. There’s another one right across from the zoo.
I always thought of Mahu as insulting. But then I only ever heard it thrown as such in high school. I have never heard a local gay call himself one yet I’ve never really known any gays. I’m a real lover see.
This actually made Fark recently, although I’ve been aware of it for about 10 years. I may have posted it here but I never was able to find the law. The humuhumunukunukuapua’a was only made the state fish for a 5 year trial period after which is was not renewed and since then Hawaii had no state fish.
Was he riding on the sidewalk in Waikiki when you stopped him to ask? They do that all the time. Perhaps not wanting to get run over themselves. Waikiki has 1 bike lane now that goes down the Ala Wai Blvd. I guess you could say there’s one in front of the zoo too. I wouldn’t bike to get around though, depending on how long I was going to stay I’d get a bus pass. $10 for 4 consecutive days for 1 person at any ABC store. By the way, here’s a fun game. Try and take a photo with as many ABC stores in the shot as possible. Three is easy, 4 is challenging, 5 is difficult. No cheating by taking it from out on a boat. Let’s say they can be no further then 5 blocks from you.
One more thing. “Top of Waikiki” was the world’s first rotating restaurant. They built it as a test case before they built the one in the Seattle Space Needle. Great view, good food. Plus it’s a world first. BTW, for some reason the people that work there aren’t aware that it was the world’s first.
I searched it and I like how everyone touts it as the only one. Our other one, at Ala Moana has been broken for years.
We have a pool in Las Vegas and normally, I won’t get in unless the water is at least 85…but I see the water temp in Feb is supposed to be 80, so maybe if I make a mad dash and get wet I can make it…however, to any Islanders who hear a blood curdling scream, that will be me if it is colder than 80.
See above…and we get lots of German visitors who will jump in our pool no matter what the temperature is…I guess it depends on what you are used to, and trust me, I ain’t used to that cold anymore!
Thanks for all of your tips as well…and now I will not be able to see an ABC store without thinking of Fern Forest! Sounds like Starbucks in NYC…about every 100 feet from each other.
I second the pineapple plantation tour (you’re very close to it in Kaanapali), and raise you the sugar factory tour as well. Visit Haleakala. Take the Hana road, and if it interests you, push past Hana to the small seaside church where Lindbergh is buried.If not pushing past Hana, see the black sand beach, and if you dare, sneak down past the old Japanese graveyard to the secret red sand beach. Nothing like it.
We did a fun dinner cruise in Honolulu, and just had a good timne driving around. The Polynesian cultural center is good for a laugh.Visit snorkel Bob’s and go to Hanauma.
But really, the main thing to do in Hawaii is relax and enjoy the hell out of the fact that you’re there.