# He dumped me....... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 29, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734 "2004-06-29T17:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/21 "2004-06-30T15:31:43Z")
Today is the one year anniversary of our first date. I did call him this morning to tell him “happy anniversary, anyway.” I figured it was the classy thing to do. I’m doing ok, though. I’m really excited about my new apartment. The people who might share it with me are going to come look at it with me tomorrow. I really think they will like it. I have a habit of dating these men. I am going to stay in counseling to figure out why. I don’t want to go through this anymore. Today might be hard. I don’t want to drive by the resturant where we ate or the theatre where we saw “Hulk”, but unfortunatly, I work next to them. _sigh_ It’s better now that I know that I can have everything I had with him, WITHOUT HIM, too. I don’t have to be shuttled from mom to boyfriends. I CAN go out there, find a place, find roomates, find a school, and make it happen. I am more capable and more resilient than I ever gave myself credit for. I’m proud of myself today. And that means more to me than Marc ever did. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/22 "2004-06-30T15:47:52Z")
I’m so glad things are looking up for you, **torie**! I’ve got the Mary Tyler Moore theme in my head now… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/23 "2004-06-30T16:35:19Z")
> [@torie](#): > > Today is the one year anniversary of our first date. I did call him this morning to tell him “happy anniversary, anyway.” I figured it was the classy thing to do. :eek: Noooooooooooo :eek: Not that I’m an expert on relationships but _nooooo_. Don’t be calling him, at all, especially if it about your past relationship. It seems like you are still having feelings for him, and that the relationship is still important to you. He’ll suck you in again and I won’t let that happen to one of my **brats**. Remember kids, say No to Marcs! ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/24 "2004-06-30T21:12:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Yesterday morning, I went over there and beat the hell out of him. I was so angry at him for what he has done to my self esteem. I hit him repeatedly in the chest and arms. I’m lucky he didn’t call the cops. Ok I’ll be the one to dump on this thread and I am prepared to take the consequences. If a female doper wrote that she dumped her boyfriend and he was so angry he hit her repeatedly on the chest and arms there would be rousing call for his balls on a stick. And rightly so. You are right, you are damn lucky he didn’t call 911 on you. I would have. I’m sure you regret it now. If he hit you and then showed regret would it be enough for you? There shouldn’t be a double standard. I do appreciate your honesty. It would have been easy to leave out that piece of info. Having said that I agree that you should make a clean break, any thing else will just delay what is going to happen anyway. Its over and thats it. From what I am reading you won’t have any trouble finding people to help you through this. It also looks like replacements will be lining up. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/25 "2004-06-30T22:20:13Z")
Yes, please don’t call him anymore. Especially after physically assaulting him. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/26 "2004-06-30T23:09:04Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Yes, please don’t call him anymore. Especially after physically assaulting him. Qadgop, you are more reasonable than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/27 "2004-06-30T23:23:10Z")
So let me get this straight, he broke up with you (rightly so, you didn’t love him anymore). You only want to go back to get the apartment, and THEN you return to beat on him? Wow, i would have called the police on you and have charges pressed for assault and battery. I don’t know what’s worse, you writing this, or ending it with “any flirting would help” That’s kind of sad right there. I think you need to get your life in order and go out, get your OWN apartment (not the one you feel comfortable), and grow up, Torie. It’s a good thing you’re in counseling, maybe you need to work on your anger management issues as well? I think it’s a good thing he broke up with you and threw you out, you obviously need to learn some self control. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/28 "2004-07-01T00:29:20Z")
Switch the gender of the OP and her ex. How many doper women would be lining up to flirt? There are so many pathetic things in this thread, it hurts my head to even begin to start pointing them out. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/29 "2004-07-01T01:05:54Z")
Okay, some basics, folks: Hitting people out of anger=wrong. Calling ex-boyfriend days after ugly breakup following physical assault to wish him “Happy Anniversary”=idiotic and pathetic at the same time. Asking people to flirt with you to boost your self-esteem immediately after aforementioned “messy” breakup situation=messed up. Dopers fulfilling request for flirting when it is perfectly clear that is not the appropriate response in the situation–regardless what the obviously mentally (understandably) not-quite-right-at-the-moment poster requested–extremely pathetic. Oh, and **Diane** , why do you have to ruin everyone’s fun? ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/30 "2004-07-01T01:12:22Z")
> [@evilbeth](#): > > Oh, and **Diane** , why do you have to ruin everyone’s fun? You truly are evil, Beth. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/31 "2004-07-01T01:35:15Z")
> [@evilbeth](#): > > Dopers fulfilling request for flirting when it is perfectly clear that is not the appropriate response in the situation–regardless what the obviously mentally (understandably) not-quite-right-at-the-moment poster requested–extremely pathetic. > Oh, and **Diane** , why do you have to ruin everyone’s fun? I think what’s SADDEST are the guys here who are either hard up, or starved for attention that they fulfilled Torie’s request to flirt with her. Come on guys, did you actually read, and comprehend what she wrote? Pathetic, and extremely sad, guys. Oh and yeah Diane, you DO ruin everyone’s fun!!! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/32 "2004-07-01T01:51:37Z")
Or, maybe, they actually know the OP from her previous messages and are giving her support. Instead of just coming into some thread and offering their unsolicited opinions and giving her a tsk-tsk and dogpiling on her when she’s already feeling rotten. She already said she knows was wrong for her to attack the guy. She already sais that the guy didn’t take any legal action, so it’s settled in his mind. She already said that she’s in counseling about it. What good does your coming in and scolding everyone and calling them “pathetic” do, other than let you feel sanctimonious and feel better about yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/33 "2004-07-01T02:11:55Z")
> [@Doobieous](#): > > Oh and yeah Diane, you DO ruin everyone’s fun!!! Does the bet count if you and evilbeth say it? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/34 "2004-07-01T02:30:10Z")
Hey, **SolGrundy**? Get off your high horse. She physically attacked her ex. To quote others, if the genders of **torie** and Marc were switched, everyone would be _horrified_, much less lined up to flirt. Yeah, she fucked up. Yeah, she’s getting counselling. Good. She needs it. If she continues in the path she’s going, thinking it’s fine to “beat the hell out of him” she’s going to find her cute little ass in jail. **There is no excuse for domestic abuse, no matter the gender.** ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/35 "2004-07-01T02:30:25Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > Or, maybe, they actually know the OP from her previous messages and are giving her support. Instead of just coming into some thread and offering their unsolicited opinions and giving her a tsk-tsk and dogpiling on her when she’s already feeling rotten. > > She already said she knows was wrong for her to attack the guy. She already sais that the guy didn’t take any legal action, so it’s settled in his mind. She already said that she’s in counseling about it. What good does your coming in and scolding everyone and calling them “pathetic” do, other than let you feel sanctimonious and feel better about yourself? Read the OP again only reverse the gender rolls. Would you feel the same? Do yu think there would be the same type of responses to the OP coming from women instead of men? Why or why not? It is just my personal opinion, but my guess would be no. Because this is MPSIMS, I won’t give the reasons why I think it would be different, just that I am pretty certain it would be. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/36 "2004-07-01T03:01:50Z")
> [@Doobieous](#): > > I think what’s SADDEST are the guys here who are either hard up, or starved for attention that they fulfilled Torie’s request to flirt with her. Come on guys, did you actually read, and comprehend what she wrote? Pathetic, and extremely sad, guys. > > Oh and yeah Diane, you DO ruin everyone’s fun!!! Actually, Diane IS fun, I’ve heard it from lots of folk. But seriously, 😉 after a break up, its good to not flirt or try to connect with anyone for a while to get back to yourself. Especially when there were violence issues. Take time, work on yourself, get support. But for now, stay away from men! ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/37 "2004-07-01T04:08:10Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > Or, maybe, they actually know the OP from her previous messages and are giving her support. Instead of just coming into some thread and offering their unsolicited opinions and giving her a tsk-tsk and dogpiling on her when she’s already feeling rotten. > > She already said she knows was wrong for her to attack the guy. She already sais that the guy didn’t take any legal action, so it’s settled in his mind. She already said that she’s in counseling about it. What good does your coming in and scolding everyone and calling them “pathetic” do, other than let you feel sanctimonious and feel better about yourself? Oh PLEASE, don’t even start to go there. As has been said, get off your high horse. Hitting someone out of anger is absolutely NO excuse whatsoever. Just because you’re angry gives you absolutely no right to hit ANYONE. What good does it do? Here’s what good it does: It lets people know how pathetic it is to flirt with someone who has HIT and ATTACKED someone out of anger. Switch the gender, what if torie was a man who hit his ex? Would you be so morally high ground and scold me for doing exactly what i’ve said here? I bet you wouldnt (and i know you wouldn’t be doing the same thing, because we all know it’s OK for a woman to hit a man, but never for a man to hit a woman, as you’ve implied by what you’re saying (and what the others are saying as well). Don’t even act like you know what i feel here. I don’t feel better about myself by scolding them, because i always feel pretty damn good about myself and my actions, i don’t need to scold anyone to feel “sanctimonious” and “better about myself”, thank you. I wouldn’t give a best friend “support” if they hit their ex. There’s no excuse and i do not consider anyone who hits someone out of anger to be deserving of support or to be pittied for such an “ordeal”. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/38 "2004-07-01T04:10:22Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > Actually, Diane IS fun, I’ve heard it from lots of folk. Oh i know that. In fact two years ago i hung out with her a bit in Vegas. We talked about Mormons and cute mormon boys i could possibly convert to the dark side (gaydom). hahaha. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/39 "2004-07-01T04:29:14Z")
> [@JavaMaven1](#): > > Hey, **SolGrundy**? Get off your high horse. > > She physically attacked her ex. To quote others, if the genders of **torie** and Marc were switched, everyone would be _horrified_, much less lined up to flirt. > > Yeah, she fucked up. Yeah, she’s getting counselling. Good. She needs it. If she continues in the path she’s going, thinking it’s fine to “beat the hell out of him” she’s going to find her cute little ass in jail. > > **There is no excuse for domestic abuse, no matter the gender.** How about this, **JavaMaven** : why don’t you show me where in this thread anyone excused domestic abuse or said it was valid. Maybe it’s just because I can’t see things from on top my high horse, but I haven’t seen any of that. What I did see is a woman who is getting out of an undeniably bad relationship. A woman who did something wrong, who clearly acknowledges she was wrong, and who is getting help to break out of that cycle. And a woman who’s asking people who she’s developed online friendships with, to help convince her that she’s not “inherently unlovable.” Try reading the OP again, if you can be bothered. And then I see a bunch of people who come in and take it upon themselves to just heap more condemnation on her and on anyone else who would try to help. Calling both her and them “pathetic.” She clearly hasn’t done enough penance yet, she needs to hit absolute rock bottom before your vengeance will be satisfied. Even if the man in this situation has already said he’s not going to press charges. I haven’t seen anyone in here say “good for you! hit him harder!” I have seen a lot of people who will come in and kick her while she’s down, though. Why don’t you see if **torie** will give you the name of the people she’s seeking counseling with. I’m sure you can call them and remind them that domestic violence is completely unforgivable, and that they’re pathetic for trying to help her “cute little ass.” And if you’ve got anything else to say about this, take it to the Pit. Both because this is as civil as I’m going to get, and because y’all have wasted more than enough space with your preaching to someone who’s already miserable. ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/40 "2004-07-01T06:52:11Z")
I’m with **Sol** on this one. She knew she was wrong and went straight to counseling. That part’s good. Now, some folks have suggested we reverse the gender roles and ask ourselves if we’d be horrified, or if any women would be flirting with a man, and called the guys who were flirting with her pathetic, and further called her pathetic. :eek: She’s already sought counseling, and she’s working on the issue, that’s all she can do unless the guy’s got medical bills. Now, before I get too far into this, let me say that everyone who came in here and mentioned the gender reversal to help us understand the situation better, I am _highly_ disappointed, and that’s not what I originally put down there. Now, without rancor, I’ll tell you why. First, we all read the OP, so thank you for not crediting us with simple reasoning skills. Secondly, because a man doesn’t _deserve_ to be treated the way you suggest we would treat him. Not if he admitted he had an issue and went to counseling. A man would deserve to be treated like anyone else who was working their way through a problem, and that’s with kindness, and maybe some tough love. Not cheap name calling and not belittling. I think every man in this thread should be disgusted with your behavior, and we should all keep in mind that if this _were_ a man, he wouldn’t be treated like a human being, and we should all keep that in mind before we mention our problems on the SDMB. Thirdly, since _everybody_ read the OP, why don’t we reserve our judgements against the all growed up adults who came in here and flirted with **torie** , and just keep those to ourselves, because the last time I checked, where they decide to flirt, and how they decide to do it, and with whom, was _their_ business and not _yours_. Lastly, there’s nothing _wrong_ with **torie**. She’s a human being and she’s got a problem, and she’s working her way through it. She didn’t come in here like she was proud of what she did, and she didn’t come in here with a story of habitual abuse, and she certainly didn’t say she didn’t have a problem. She didn’t beat his kids, she didn’t boil his rabbit, and she didn’t burn the house down with him in it. She had an incident and she’s working on it. I don’t care what you think of her, she didn’t say it was fine to beat the hell out of him, she didn’t say it was justified because she was angry, nor did she imply that. > [@](#): > > Needless to say, I went straight to my local mental health center and am now in some counseling Since this is MPSIMS, I’m going to say this as nicely as possible. The concept that you would feel justified in treating a man that way if the genders were reversed makes me sick. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734.md?page=3)