# He dumped me....... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 29, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734 "2004-06-29T17:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sisyphus\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sisyphus\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sisyphus_Stone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/41 "2004-07-01T07:59:31Z")
No matter how you spin it, it’s wrong. Violence against man or woman, as a response to any number of emotional motives, be it frustration, hate or vengence is wrong. To justify it under any rubric is to justify all the heinous crimes committed by men against women under the general category of crimes we sweep under the carpet and name, domestic violence. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/42 "2004-07-01T13:08:40Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > Reason number 347 I will never live with a man without being married again: > > If you’re married, they can’t just boot you out, take all your stuff, or drain the checking account. Or they will be held responsible by the court, and treated none too kindly by the judge. > > Cohabitation sucks by my account. > > Anyways, good luck Torie… you’re way better off without someone that’s cruel enough to treat you like that. For the record, in Illinois at least, you can’t just be booted out of an apartment, either. You have established residency and whether you’re on the lease or not, they can’t just toss you out. I believe they have to give you 30 days. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/43 "2004-07-01T13:12:28Z")
> [@Doobieous](#): > > Oh PLEASE, don’t even start to go there. As has been said, get off your high horse. Hitting someone out of anger is absolutely NO excuse whatsoever. Just because you’re angry gives you absolutely no right to hit ANYONE. You’re right…there’s no excuse. But it is also a forgiveable infraction. The fact that she is taking steps to correct this violent streak means she knows she did wrong and can therefore change her behavior. Forgiveness is not unwarranted in many of these situations. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/44 "2004-07-01T14:23:10Z")
> [@Doobieous](#): > > Oh i know that. In fact two years ago i hung out with her a bit in Vegas. We talked about Mormons and cute mormon boys i could possibly convert to the dark side (gaydom). hahaha. OMG God, that was subtly brilliant. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Merkwurdigliebe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/45 "2004-07-01T14:23:35Z")
I’ll give you a little adivce. Just try and forget about him as much as possible. You’ll have to go through a period (And I don’t know how long it will be) of having things pop up in your head that remind you of him and it will make you sad, but its okay to be sad. For me, after a while I just get tired of being sad and decide not to bother with it anymore. I sort of went though a breakup recently and it hurt, but its much better to make a clean break. For me its a process. I can’t tell you how many times I have smelled the same perfume, bodywash, etc, of a girl and just damn near broke down after realizing that I’d never get to smell it again in the same context. I don’t know, but smells can be very emotional to me…Just remember that after a while the pain stops, but don’t talk to him or even think about him more than you have to. Time is the best thing here. Also its very good to talk to friends, but another man may help as well. Don’t get involved, but it may help your self-esteem to flirt a little and see the reactions. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/46 "2004-07-01T14:27:55Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5023381#post5023381](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5023381#post5023381) ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/47 "2004-07-01T14:29:24Z")
Hey, **Torie** , I’m sorry to read about all this. Stay away from trouble and let me know if there is anything I can do. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/48 "2004-07-01T16:34:33Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Ok I’ll be the one to dump on this thread and I am prepared to take the consequences. If a female doper wrote that she dumped her boyfriend and he was so angry he hit her repeatedly on the chest and arms there would be rousing call for his balls on a stick. And rightly so. You are right, you are damn lucky he didn’t call 911 on you. I would have. I’m sure you regret it now. If he hit you and then showed regret would it be enough for you? There shouldn’t be a double standard. I do appreciate your honesty. It would have been easy to leave out that piece of info. > > Having said that I agree that you should make a clean break, any thing else will just delay what is going to happen anyway. Its over and thats it. From what I am reading you won’t have any trouble finding people to help you through this. It also looks like replacements will be lining up. Gee, why is it when one person speaks out everyone suddenly jumps on the band-wagon? I am not condoning what **torie** did but you can not just say it is the same thing with the genders reversed. A man is physically stronger and more dominant than a woman in most relationships. In most cases if a woman hits a man, he can shrug it off, if a man hits a woman she could end up in hospital. Obviously neither case should be accepted and there will be cases where the opposite is true but lets step back and look at the most likely scenario. How much did you hurt your ex **torie**? Was it really bad? People go on about how they would have had her locked up straight away but are you saying that being in a relationship with someone for a while, and the fact that this was just one outburst mean she should have the book thrown at her? Jeez, could you grow some thicker skin and see if we can learn to get along with each other. Heck she wasn’t the only one abusing in the relationship: > [@torie](#): > > Everyday he hurt my feelings. He let me know in his own little way that I was never good enough. My self esteem has some recovering to do. Just because his abuse wasn’t physical doesn’t mean he should get all the sympathy here. This is why I, the sad loser that I must be, am giving support and a flirt to a friend and fellow **brat** because from the sounds of it he treated her like crap, had control of her home which is a good chunk of her life and threw it in her face. She unwisely retaliated with her fists but it was an emotional time and she is a better woman for standing up to those demons. I choose to believe that **torie** got hurt pretty bad, left vulnerable and right now needs support, and people should back off if they’re not willing to give it. Take care **torie**. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/49 "2004-07-01T19:14:19Z")
> [@torie](#): > > Needless to say, I went straight to my local mental health center and am now in some counseling. Pople with a history of depressive illness in thier family can sometimes have thier own depressive illness triggered by life changing events like these. She said my violent episode may be indicitive of a larger problem. If I may make a suggestion. Print this thread and take it to your next session with the counselor. Talk about why you posted the OP, how the responses, good and bad, made you feel and why. There is so much raw emotion, from both sides, here that could be turned, with the help of a competent counselor, into really good insight into yourself. Best of luck, Steven ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/50 "2004-07-01T20:54:05Z")
Torie, it’s great that you admit your shortcomings. You know that beating the crap out of your boyfriend is wrong. Now take the next step in maturity and stop yourself before ever doing it again. It can be done. He dumped you. Good. It was doomed to fail because you didn’t really love him. Now do yourself a favor and take this time to work on yourself. Healthy, lasting relationships can only be entered into by two mentally healthy adults. That means learning to keep your emotions and fists in check, learning to support yourself on your own, and learning how to pick partners that complement your personality. Oh, and I’m definitely with the crowd that wonders why you called him to wish him Happy 1st Anniversary of your first date. He dumped you and kicked you out of his apartment. Why on earth would you think he’d be pleased to hear from you and why on earth would you think it was the nice thing to do? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734/51 "2004-07-01T22:20:51Z")
Closed at the request of the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-dumped-me/252734.md?page=2)