# He is my cousin you stupid bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 11, 2005, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190 "2005-01-11T08:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/21 "2005-01-11T16:33:03Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > I hope she gets hit by a comet or something. Heh, I read this as “cornet”, as in the instrument that’s kind of like a trumpet. And I was wondering if that would really “show” her or not. Seems to me that hitting someone with a sousaphone would be more effective. A cornet is kind of small. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/22 "2005-01-11T17:20:00Z")
I think if he were lying, he would have made the relationship closer. Maybe. Anyway, I’m a trusting innocent sweetheart of a gal, so I still feel bad for ya, Kal. This is the absolute truth: My first husband left me for my Very Best Friend, who had a brand new baby by her then-husband. He put me, our four year old, and our four month old baby on the road with nothing more than a used television and a hundred bucks in my pocket. So you survive, and you go on. There aren’t a lot of options to do otherwise. Best, karol ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/23 "2005-01-11T17:22:16Z")
While I agree that **Kel** has mostly been an unlikeable little toad up to now, I thought his disclaimer at the end was promising. If this thread was only about starting another trainwreck, he wouldn’t have bothered clarifying. This is not to say that he has much right to expect sympathy after the way he’s acted, but I for one appreciate him making an effort not to be a complete dick. So, **Kel** , I’m sorry your girlfriend was fucking your cousin. That’s gotta suck. Hopefully they won’t get married and hang around at family reunions. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/24 "2005-01-11T17:35:37Z")
Hang in there, **Kel**. It’ll get better for ya. _hugs_ ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/25 "2005-01-11T17:46:36Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > The accusations of lying are out of place until someone actually sees that his pants are on fire. Alright, I’ll retract my outright accusation. I would like to say however, though none of us has a vantage point to see the pants fire you speak of, I see a fair amount of smoke coming from that general vicinity. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/26 "2005-01-11T18:16:10Z")
_…(pant, pant, pant, \)_ **BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/27 "2005-01-11T18:22:04Z")
In a situation like that, the only thing to do is ditch the ladyfriend and become estranged from the cousin. Even assuming you made an effort to forgive both of them, there would unavoidably be times when the three of you would be together, and those situations would just rub your nose in the memory over and over. ---
**Author:** ![FlippyFly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FlippyFly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlippyFly)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/28 "2005-01-11T18:32:16Z")
I agree - you have to kick her to the curb. See if you can find a copy of “all upset about nothing” by Rich Hardesty on the internet somewhere. Play, sing loudly, repeat until mind is at ease. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/29 "2005-01-11T20:47:03Z")
So she’s a bitch and a cunt. What the hell is your cousin? Who has known you longer? Who has familial ties? What did she do, yank that thing out of his pants and force him to submit to her pleasure? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/30 "2005-01-11T21:15:29Z")
Don’t feed it, people. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/31 "2005-01-11T21:33:39Z")
Since Karl thinks that incest is fine and dandy, where’s the problem? :wally ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/32 "2005-01-11T22:05:56Z")
A cunt sleeping with your drug addicted cousin doesn’t seem like very good prospects for future happiness. Kick the bitch out. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/33 "2005-01-11T22:20:39Z")
> [@bodypoet](#): > > This is the absolute truth: My first husband left me for my Very Best Friend, who had a brand new baby by her then-husband. He put me, our four year old, and our four month old baby on the road with nothing more than a used television and a hundred bucks in my pocket. Wow, life imitates Country & Western songs. That’s gotta hurt. I know it was a while ago, but my sincerest sympathies Karol. **Kel** , since I’m the trusting sort, and don’t believe anyone should be kicked when they’re down, I’ll add my condolences. It sucks to be saddled with bad love or bad family. You doubled down on that one. Sorry. I would like also to point out, however that you might just be channelling _The Jerry Springer Show_. In that case, please change channels back to UPN and the _Seinfeld_ reruns. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/34 "2005-01-11T23:05:48Z")
> [@Ass For A Hat](#): > > Normally I would feel bad about laughing at the misforture at others. I feel oddly content after my laugh this morning though. I figure that is because at least one of the following is true: > > 1. **Karl** is a first rate fuckwad. > 2. He’s making this up because he craves attention. 1. Oh goodnight, nurse. It’s Kel. His name is Kel. Didn’t you see the thread he started recently complaining about “Why does everyone think my name is Karl?.” 2. I’d bet a buck that you’re correct. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/35 "2005-01-11T23:18:44Z")
So if she has a child with your cousin rather than you, then you won’t be able to beat the infant. No wonder you feel so poorly – such a lost opportunity. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/36 "2005-01-11T23:38:46Z")
> [@kevja](#): > > 1. Oh goodnight, nurse. It’s Kel. His name is Kel. Didn’t you see the thread he started recently complaining about “Why does everyone think my name is Karl?.” Why yes, I did see that thread. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/37 "2005-01-12T00:18:48Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > While I agree that **Kel** has mostly been an unlikeable little toad up to now, I thought his disclaimer at the end was promising. If this thread was only about starting another trainwreck, he wouldn’t have bothered clarifying. This is not to say that he has much right to expect sympathy after the way he’s acted, but I for one appreciate him making an effort not to be a complete dick. > > So, **Kel** , I’m sorry your girlfriend was fucking your cousin. That’s gotta suck. Hopefully they won’t get married and hang around at family reunions. Man Giraffe… I wish I could be half as good a person as you (that’d make me about 3 feet 3" tall) but my BSoMeter was clanging, buzzing, and then started making this weird foghorn noise I’d never heard before, when it suddenly exploded into a million pieces. The shrapnel almost took out my left nut. God Bless you for having faith Giraffe. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/38 "2005-01-12T00:33:38Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Man Giraffe… I wish I could be half as good a person as you (that’d make me about 3 feet 3" tall) but my BSoMeter was clanging, buzzing, and then started making this weird foghorn noise I’d never heard before, when it suddenly exploded into a million pieces. The shrapnel almost took out my left nut. > > God Bless you for having faith Giraffe. 3’4". Anyway, before the parade in my honor starts (there _is_ a parade in my honor, right?), it’s not like I have anything at stake here. I’m happy that **Kel** so far hasn’t used this experience to make blanket statements about women, and was clear about that in his OP. That’s a huge improvement over his past rants, and has thus earned him the benefit of the doubt from me (approx. value: 1/20th of $0.01), for now. If he comes back here and starts acting like a freak, I won’t be even a little bit surprised. And I’ll almost certainly make fun of him for it. But I do hope he doesn’t. It would be… refreshing. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_tamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@seal\_tamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_tamer)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/39 "2005-01-12T01:22:56Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > I hope she gets hit by a comet or something. That would be so cool! Can you get, like, film of this? ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/40 "2005-01-12T01:27:40Z")
Is there something so horrible about calling the woman who’s cheating on you a bitch and a cunt, or is are those feelings toward her only considered wrong and evil because it’s **Kel** who said it? Though the guy is not the most well liked poster, and I’ve found myself shaking my head at his posts and saying ‘Idiot!’, I don’t think he deserves to be cheated on. And if he is being cheated on (which I will accept unless given evidence that he’s lying), his anger is very warranted, as is calling the cheater some pretty nasty names. Also, she oughta be kicked to the curb immediately. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190.md?page=3)