# He is my cousin you stupid bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 11, 2005, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190 "2005-01-11T08:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/81 "2005-01-12T22:52:37Z")
> [@SlowMindThinking](#): > > Try one of those scrawny marathon runners. If you can run 7 minute miles or better for 3 hours, you can keep it up for at least one. Heh, the 19 year old I dated (till he was 23, IIRC) was a distance runner and last I heard was competing in the Iron Man. I miss him sometimes. If we’d never had to leave the bedroom we’d have been happy for a long time. Sorry for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/82 "2005-01-12T23:25:23Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > Heh, the 19 year old I dated (till he was 23, IIRC) was a distance runner and last I heard was competing in the Iron Man. I miss him sometimes. If we’d never had to leave the bedroom we’d have been happy for a long time. > Sorry for the hijack. So you were in the bedroom for 4 years before you had to leave ? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/83 "2005-01-12T23:39:55Z")
No. I phrased that badly. If we’d never had to interact publicly as a couple, maybe we’d still be together. We just had two very differnt styles for dealing with the world. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/84 "2005-01-13T00:01:27Z")
Darn, you spoiled my fast forming fantasy about your sexual capabilities 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/85 "2005-01-13T00:07:05Z")
Ok, **BubbaDog** has not denied eating the homework, and I think that says a lot. And **Devil’s Grandmother** … is that you? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/86 "2005-01-13T00:09:03Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > **Devil’s Grandmother** … is that you? Maybe…are you the smartest person I’ve ever met? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/87 "2005-01-13T00:16:04Z")
> [@SlowMindThinking](#): > > Try one of those scrawny marathon runners. If you can run 7 minute miles or better for 3 hours, you can keep it up for at least one. > > Of course, you have to start early in the evening, 'cause we get up so damn early to run. 1.) Where do you live? Please say Texas. 2.) How _you_ doin’? 😛😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/88 "2005-01-13T00:18:07Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > Maybe…are you the smartest person I’ve ever met? I seriously doubt it. Oh well, for one brief shining moment, I had my dreams. It was good for me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/89 "2005-01-13T00:21:59Z")
It’s been good for me too, **Sample**. Can we go back to ragging on little twelve-toes Karl now? ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/90 "2005-01-13T02:25:36Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Ok, **BubbaDog** has not denied eating the homework, and I think that says a lot. Denied it?! Hell NO! Eating homework is a nice little side business. Lazy kids pay good cash for my services. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/91 "2005-01-13T02:37:05Z")
Okay - this is too easy … Q: What does it mean when **Kel** drools out of both sides of his mouth? A: The floor is level. [sub] Alonzo rides off into the sunset [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/92 "2005-01-13T04:27:34Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > If we’d never had to leave the bedroom we’d have been happy for a long time. And now I have a mental image of **The Devil’s Grandmother** going commando while holding a can of Comet cleaner in one hand and a coronet in the other. -lv ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/93 "2005-01-13T04:55:33Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > Does that mean tomorrow someone will gain access to your computer and post that your boyfriend is complaining on the internet about you screwing his cousin? **Kel’s** just pissed because if this thing with the girlfriend had worked out, they’d be having kids, and he’s got this fantasy thing going about killing his sons and fucking his daughters. I kinda hope he doesn’t get banned. Every court needs a jester. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/94 "2005-01-13T09:28:41Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > **Kel’s** I kinda hope he doesn’t get banned. Every court needs a jester. C’mon - I doubt the Mods would look too kindly on us running a “Ban Pool”, but the odds on **Kel** lasting the month have got to be pretty long. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/95 "2005-01-13T13:06:12Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > I’m dissapointed at you dopers, the OP was obviously a fake. Someone like **Kel** couldn’t possibly have ever had a girlfriend. I think you’re missing the point–this is _exactly_ the type of girlfriend we would all expect Kell to attract… > [@harborwolf](#): > > I’ve got a cornet. While a sousaphone would be much more comedic, the cornet would be a much more effective weapon. I could get in quite a few shots before the sousaphone was swung even close. Plus, a sousaphone is heavy enough that you couldn’t huck it very far. It’s pretty much a melee weapon, whereas a cornet, or rather, a consort of them, you could get some pretty good distance on, so you could get several shots off before he closed to melee range, when the sousaphone would become the preferred weapon. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/96 "2005-01-13T13:09:00Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > I kinda hope he doesn’t get banned. Every court needs a jester. Please don’t insult court jesters. ---
**Author:** ![Zonyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a183cd/32.png) [@Zonyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zonyx)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/97 "2005-01-13T13:19:01Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > These both point to the same thread… So the plumbers are in league with the homeless? I think it’s far more worrying than that with homeless people disguising themselfs as plumbers so as they can access apartments and use other peoples bathrooms. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/98 "2005-01-13T13:29:37Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > Please don’t insult court jesters. You’re right. I humbly apologize to any court jesters I may have inadvertently offended. How do I get in on that pool? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/99 "2005-01-13T14:55:59Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Plus, a sousaphone is heavy enough that you couldn’t huck it very far. It’s pretty much a melee weapon, whereas a cornet, or rather, a consort of them, you could get some pretty good distance on, so you could get several shots off before he closed to melee range, when the sousaphone would become the preferred weapon. Why I love the Dope, Part MMCDXVII. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190/100 "2005-01-13T15:23:56Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Plus, a sousaphone is heavy enough that you couldn’t huck it very far. It’s pretty much a melee weapon, whereas a cornet, or rather, a consort of them, you could get some pretty good distance on, so you could get several shots off before he closed to melee range, when the sousaphone would become the preferred weapon. I think it depends on the bearer - While you can huck either weapon, with its heavier weight, a stronger person might be able to get it where it is going with more distance. With practice, it could be an excellent ko in one hit. Once you start tossing coronets, you’ve got a lot of wind variables to contend with as well. It’s light enough to throw far, but if that bell gets caught by a gust of wind, you may have collateral damage you weren’t intending. Unless you guys are talking about a 57 Dodge Coronet. But if you could toss one of those, you could toss a lot of sousaphones, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-is-my-cousin-you-stupid-bitch/284190.md?page=6)