# "He MUST be laid!" Book passages that have not aged well **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 1, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970 "2004-02-01T00:52:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/21 "2004-02-01T23:04:30Z")
Coleridge’s _Kublai Khan_ has a few “fnarr fnarr” moments: > [@](#): > > In from that chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething, > as if this Earth in fast thick pants were breathing, > a mighty fountain momently was forced Heh heh heh. Chasm. Thick pants. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/22 "2004-02-01T23:20:20Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > There are others I can’t think of offhand, many involving now-hilarious uses of “gay.” Any you guys can recall? In that spirit, it’s hard to get past the tile of Spenser’s **The Faerie Queene**. Robert Louis Stevenson’s essay **The Truth of Intercourse** sounds more exciting than it is. _The Lord of the Rings_ contains many references to **pipe-weed** , which people who read the book in the '70s (but skipped the prologue) “knew” was marijuana. And to close with a snatch of poetry: "The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, “O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!” – Edward Lear, “The Owl and the Pussy Cat” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/23 "2004-02-01T23:25:04Z")
Not a book, but… A few years ago an online ladyfriend sent me a sound clip that sounds as if it must have come from a '40s-era cartoon. I can only assume that the chorus of singing men are searching for a lost cat: _Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy Where can you be? Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy Won’t you come back to me?_ ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/24 "2004-02-01T23:32:53Z")
I can’t remember exactly what book, but I think it was in a black-southern kind of dialect. The line was something like: “And when grampa gets here, don’t you be givin’ him no head!” Meant in the don’t backtalk sence, but still. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2004, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/25 "2004-02-01T23:49:31Z")
Oh, I just remembered a passage from Barrie’s _Peter and Wendy_: “I don’t _want_ to grow up and work and have a job! I want to go live in the park with the fairies!” “Me, too!” says my friend David. ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/26 "2004-02-02T00:05:32Z")
Mark Twain, unfortunately, contains a great number of the aforementioned problems in modern reading. Often they seem to think that someone is “Queer”, or Tom and Huck thinking things would be “most gay”, people didn’t shout, but rather “ejaculated” their interjections. There is a notable instant in “Roughing it” in which a rabbit “humps himself” which sent a group of middle schoolers into hysterics. Just to show you how interesting reading some things can be today, many of the students who were listening to “Tom Sawyer” thought Injun Joe was “Engine Joe” and pictured him in an engineer’s outfit. Also, just to throw it in, one of the worst songs I can think of in a revered musical is “You’re a Queer One, Julie Jordan” from Rogers and Hammerstein’s Carosel. It also has the misfortune to include “That Was a Real Nice Clam Bake”. And while I’m talking about Clams – there is some Elvis movie from the 60’s that takes place in Florida and has a song with – I think an intentional double-entendre – “Do the Clam.” Lyrics: Do the clam, Do the clam, now grab your barefoot baby by the hand, hug and squeeze, turn and tease, just dig right in and do the clam, just dig right in and do the clam. I kid you not! ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/27 "2004-02-02T00:30:45Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan’s _Tit-Willow._ ---
**Author:** ![thegreyathena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@thegreyathena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegreyathena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/28 "2004-02-02T00:43:09Z")
> [@F. U. Shakespeare](#): > > I can’t believe I’m the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan’s _Tit-Willow._ You don’t like the little tom tit? (snicker) ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/29 "2004-02-02T00:44:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Lyrics: Do the clam, Do the clam, now grab your barefoot baby by the hand, hug and squeeze, turn and tease, just dig right in and do the clam, just dig right in and do the clam. Just as an interesting footnote, “Do the Clam” was written by Dolores Fuller, Ed Wood’s girlfriend who was played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Dizzy\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dizzy\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dizzy_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/30 "2004-02-02T02:13:57Z")
Then there’s the classic moment when Romeo tells Juliet, “Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptiz’d.” Heh heh. “Butt love.” Heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/31 "2004-02-02T02:40:26Z")
Thomas Hardy again “The Heavens are well-hung tonight” (Two On A Tower") ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/32 "2004-02-02T03:22:21Z")
> [@F. U. Shakespeare](#): > > I can’t believe I’m the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan’s _Tit-Willow._ How about “Is There Not One Maiden Breast?” Actually they come in pairs – or perhaps Messers. Gilbert and Sullivan caught the half-time show? ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/33 "2004-02-02T03:23:46Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Just as an interesting footnote, “Do the Clam” was written by Dolores Fuller, Ed Wood’s girlfriend who was played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie. Cool, I did not know that. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/34 "2004-02-02T04:04:02Z")
I’ve even heard the old version of “Making Love” used on I Love Lucy. Lucy was describing to Ethel a scheme of her’s to make Ricky jealous…she was going to invite some famous Frenchman of the time—who’s name, I regret to say, I can’t remember—over to dinner, and have him pretend to “make passionate love” to her _in the middle of the living room, with Ricky watching._ That sound you’re hearing is a small part of your soul screaming in utter horror. Ranchoth (“Waaah! _Riiicky!_ I wanted to go to the orgy!”) ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/35 "2004-02-02T04:42:15Z")
I am currently beginning to read Mr Patrick O’Brian’s series of seafaring novels featuring the unbelievably slashy pair of Captain Jack Aubrey and surgeon Stephen Maturin; they call each other “love” and “dear heart” and “my soul” very often, but the following two bits from _Post Captain_ left me in uncontrollable giggles: Stephen unexpectedly returns to Jack’s ship, just about at bedtime, and says: ‘Where must I sleep?’ ‘There’s a question,’ said Jack. ‘Where should you berth, in fact? Of course you shall sleep in my cot; but officially where should you be?’ And later: ‘I love a good blow,’ said Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/36 "2004-02-02T05:29:40Z")
Some of this stuff is hilarious. I’m ashamed, but I laughed for like a minute after I read all the “ejaculation” passages! > [@Dizzy Fingers](#): > > Then there’s the classic moment when Romeo tells Juliet, “Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptiz’d.” This one, I can’t figure out. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/37 "2004-02-02T05:32:26Z")
> [@TWDuke](#): > > _The Lord of the Rings_ contains many references to **pipe-weed** , … as well as references to flaming faggots. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/38 "2004-02-02T05:45:29Z")
I rember this one from a series of books for pre-teens, the Bronc Burnett series, like the Hardy Boys, but sports. Anyway, describing how tired Bronc was at the end of a game, the author uses the unfortunate phrase: “Bronc was fagged”. I always got a mind image of some kind of gang bang involving all the football players, “Hey everybody, line up and we can all fag ole Bronc!” Weird. ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/39 "2004-02-02T05:48:22Z")
In a lot of Agatha Christie’s books, she refers to old women as “fluffy old pussies”. ---
**Author:** ![Freiheit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e8c25b/32.png) [@Freiheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freiheit)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2004, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970/40 "2004-02-02T05:51:26Z")
A friend supposedly has (had?) a hardy boys book with a certain chapter entitled > [@](#): > > A Big Boner [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-must-be-laid-book-passages-that-have-not-aged-well/226970.md?page=3)