# He Thinks \*I\* Am Not Good Enough For \*Him\*?? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636 "2009-08-16T17:39:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/21 "2009-08-16T21:20:08Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > “Hey Now” is also a greeting used by Deadheads. One could argue that lots of Deadheads have been to prison to explain this but it’s actually a lyric from one of the Dead’s most popular covers. Thirded. I start off most of my casual correspondence with that. Best Iko I caught was in '92 or '93 … April Fools day, Phil in a Barney costume, kids on stage. Nassau. Now, about this teardrop tat I got on my face, what was I thinking? ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/22 "2009-08-16T21:28:34Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Thirded. I start off most of my casual correspondence with that. > > Best Iko I caught was in '92 or '93 … April Fools day, Phil in a Barney costume, kids on stage. Nassau. > > Now, about this teardrop tat I got on my face, what was I thinking? Phil was NOT wearing a barney costume. Phil was playing bass offstage, while the Barney costumed character was onstage, (fake/un-connected bass in its paws) pretending to play… Garcia was unaware of the gag before it happened, and was quite taken aback. Phil said there was no way he could have properly played his instrument in that very bulky costume. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/23 "2009-08-16T21:40:26Z")
Heh… should have said “Barney was in the Phil Zone!” The question of whether or not it was really him kept us occupied for quite a while that night. Where’d you hear the details? I love reading about shows I’ve been to. Only other memorable ones were set-list based (i.e., I missed the Great Jerry Hop, the Warlocks). ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/24 "2009-08-16T21:46:47Z")
You had me at “In-N-Out Burger”. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/25 "2009-08-16T21:54:12Z")
Hah, yeah, the location of the eats was my own choosing. Let’s not go getting all dark and candlelit on the first meeting! As for being upset- no, I’m not. I’m slightly twinged that I am apparently not a good catch to someone that has almost nothing, but I’m already over it already. I just wanted to share my feelings about it here, but of course there’s always that group just waiting to pounce and explain that we shouldn’t be feeling this or that, right? And the “say now” and “hey now” aren’t part of casual conversations as **eleanorigby** uses them- they are only used as greetings by cons. You know, as you’re standing there, clanking your tin cup along the bars, as someone walks by… “Hey now!” That’s how it was explained to me, anyway. And in this region of the country, I’ve never heard anyone use those terms as greeting besides ex-cons. (Not that I know that many, I don’t.) ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/26 "2009-08-16T21:55:48Z")
> [@smee\_goan](#): > > Dave have a lot of ‘ink’? > > tats > > 🙂 Not visibly, he didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/27 "2009-08-16T21:59:23Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Heh… should have said “Barney was in the Phil Zone!” The question of whether or not it was really him kept us occupied for quite a while that night. > > Where’d you hear the details? I love reading about shows I’ve been to. Only other memorable ones were set-list based (i.e., I missed the Great Jerry Hop, the Warlocks). I am betting that you would really enjoy reading Phil Lesh’s autobiography “Searching For The Sound” as it is full of great little stories and rememberences of 30 years of life with the Grateful Dead ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/28 "2009-08-16T22:25:37Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > So _he \* thinks that_ I\* am not good enough for _him_? I’m a slender, intelligent, employed, decent-looking, responsible, funny, self-sufficient woman that has it all together. I’m a catch, goddammit! Anybody would be\* lucky\* to have me, > . And so modest, too! ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/29 "2009-08-16T22:27:41Z")
> [@PatriotGrrrl](#): > > And so modest, too! To be fair, it’s probably better for her to think she’s a catch than to think she’s not worth a damn thing. Still though, a comfortable balance must be sought between “I’m a catch damn it!” and “Maybe I’m doing something/s wrong?”. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/30 "2009-08-16T22:28:07Z")
> [@PatriotGrrrl](#): > > And so modest, too! It’s all relative! I should say, “to ex-con druggie/alcoholic health-problemed hepatitic losers that live with their mom and dad” I’m a catch, goddammit! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/31 "2009-08-16T22:29:47Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > To be fair, it’s probably better for her to think she’s a catch than to think she’s not worth a damn thing. > > Still though, a comfortable balance must be sought between “I’m a catch damn it!” and “Maybe I’m doing something/s wrong?”. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong as much as just not meeting the right people. Or maybe I’ve been fucking up that whole 3:1 conversation ratio. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/32 "2009-08-16T22:30:34Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > “to ex-con druggie/alcoholic health-problemed hepatitic losers that live with their mom and dad” I’m still a catch too damn it! Someone out there has it worse than me and someday I’ll find 'em. 🙂 **EDIT** : > [@](#): > > as much as just not meeting the right people. That, to me, counts as doing something wrong. I know tons of girls that “can’t find a good man” and it’s because they keep looking in the same places and keep finding the same kind of scumbags as before. And that 3:1 ratio is bullshit. Just talk. Adhering to some kind of arbitrary conversational rule such as that is pure wingnut bullshit. The only rules to a good conversation are along the lines of not making the other person feel like shit. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/33 "2009-08-16T22:44:33Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > One- his first email to me included the salutation, “Say now”. Now, I’m pretty street smart for a woman of my demographic. I did not just tumble off the turnip truck- in fact, I’ve never even _been_ on a turnip truck. I know that the phrases “hey now” and “say now” are used all day long in prisons. It becomes something that all the prisoners say as greetings to each other and whatnot. I don’t know this because I’ve been in prison myself- I have not- but I just happen to know this trivia. Also, his timeline/story of himself didn’t quite match up. He was very vague about what he’s been doing these past several years, although he did indicate that he used to drink and drug big-time and that he’s had hepatitis C 3 times, always cured with Interferon. He did, however, say that he was last in Victorville, CA prior to coming home to Tucson, to live with his elderly parents. Plus he just looks like he’s been in prison- you really can tell most of the time, I learned this from dating a cop. He also has a ton of health problems, mostly with his back and leg, requiring multiple surgeries, doctors, physical therapy, etc. His uuper body is mega-built, and his legs scrawny and spindly (another sign of prison time). > > So, anyway, we went through the “date”, ate, came back to my house for 15 minutes or so of idle chit-chat, and he left. I did some online research, and learned that his middle name is Howard and he got out of Victorville Federal Prison in 2007. You’re about a zillion times more street smart than I am…that’s all way over my head and I would have totally missed it. > [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I’m a slender, _intelligent_, employed, decent-looking, responsible, funny, _self-sufficient_ woman that has it all together. I’m a catch, goddammit! Anybody would be\* lucky\* to have me, and this ex-con, druggie/alcoholic, unemployed, health-problemed, hepatitic loser that lives with mom and dad thinks that he can do better! Underlining mine. Here’s your problem. He’d like someone who couldn’t see through him and who would hang on his every word, fall hard for him etc., so that he could work his con on her. You’re probably too smart and composed for him. > [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > It’s also a good lesson, ladies and gentlemen- be sure to really listen to people, because 99% of the time, they will tell you things about themselves that they may not mean to tell you. You just have to listen, and use the info gathered to your advantage. I agree. I’d add that it’s often important to watch what they do instead of listening to what they say. I’m also on board with “why would you take him to your place if you had suspicions?”. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/34 "2009-08-16T22:46:01Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m also on board with “why would you take him to your place if you had suspicions?”. The answer is that she’s not as smart as she makes out. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/35 "2009-08-16T22:55:15Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > And that 3:1 ratio is bullshit. Just talk. Adhering to some kind of arbitrary conversational rule such as that is pure wingnut bullshit. Seriously. I can’t imagine worse advice, and can’t for the life of me work out if it’s more insulting to men or to women. You might conceivably do better with someone whose idea of a great conversation is one in which they get to talk the most, but… why would you want to? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/36 "2009-08-16T23:09:54Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > The answer is that she’s not as smart as she makes out. I don’t live my life in fear. Foolish, maybe, but it’s worked out for me so far. It had been storming and flash-flooding, and I didn’t want to drive, okay? Usually I do meet people somewhere, but this time I let him come to my house because, out of all the vibes I got from him, danger was never one of them. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/37 "2009-08-16T23:24:06Z")
Why do you find his rejection of you so stunning? It takes a certain kind of man to handle you. A man who wants to slowly unwrap and savor the whole ATG package, and he quickly determined he was not that man. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/38 "2009-08-16T23:27:30Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Why do you find his rejection of you so stunning? It takes a certain kind of man to handle you, and he quickly determined he was not that man. Not stunned, just slightly piqued. And yes, it does. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/39 "2009-08-16T23:33:41Z")
I have no idea what is going through this guy’s head, but I would not be surprised if he felt that you “too good” for him rather than the other way around. Or perhaps it was less “too good” and more like “not what I’m interested in”, where what he’s interested in is not something you have any desire to be and would be better of not trying to be. Or maybe he thinks you are not good enough for him and he’s an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636/40 "2009-08-17T00:04:48Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > It might be just that there was no spark for him, not that you don’t meet his standards in some way. Maybe you just don’t do it for him, for whatever reason. > > In any case, don’t worry about it, and find someone else. Or get a cat or three. or rather 130 :eek: [http://www.wimp.com/womancats/](http://www.wimp.com/womancats/) they are like an ocean of feline frothing at the door…lol [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-thinks-i-am-not-good-enough-for-him/506636.md?page=3)