# He Won't Kiss Me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542 "2011-01-14T00:47:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/21 "2011-01-14T11:32:16Z")
I’m not following- if he is not your boyfriend, do you have a boyfriend? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/22 "2011-01-14T17:18:47Z")
Kissing implies intimacy. If he doesn’t want to kiss you, he is not interested in intimacy. DTMFA. Find someone who likes to kiss and who likes to kiss _you_. If kissing is important to you, then it’s important. I hooked up once with a guy who wouldn’t kiss. I knew up front it was just a one-off hookup thing, so I didn’t press the issue, but it certainly made me not want to date him. I didn’t even want to hook up with him again after that because, for me, the kissing is what revs me up about the whole thing. Which is exactly why some guys play this. It’s too personal and he’s just trying to get his rocks off without any sort of emotional obligation to you. Cut your losses and move on. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/23 "2011-01-14T18:08:17Z")
I’m going to disagree with pretty much everybody else in this thread. Kissing does not equal emotional intimacy. I’ve seen guys make out with strippers. I had a “fuck buddy” who I was not interested in having a serious relationship with. We kissed all the time. The not kissing the prostitute thing, as far I can tell, is not about emotional intimacy, it’s about not wanting to pass disease via the mouth. I don’t know of the scientific merits of that theory, but I’m pretty sure that’s the mental rational. Maybe this guy just doesn’t like kissing. People have different sexual tastes. Let’s go TMI for a minute. My girl doesn’t really like making out. Now she does kiss me plenty, but making out doesn’t really turn her on. I have no idea why, nor does she. But she’s plenty willing and eager to put her mouth other places, and we have a great and active sex life, but we don’t make out that much. Honestly, I like making out, and could stand to have a little more of it, but it’s ok because she more than makes up for it in other areas. I don’t think wearing thigh high boots does much for her, but I like when she does that so we compromise. To reiterate, the fact that he doesn’t like kissing only means that he doesn’t like kissing. Kissing does not equal emotional attachment. I do think is funny that people keep saying “He’s using you for sex.” Well they’re fucking and he’s not her boyfriend. If he wasn’t interested in her for sex that would mean they were just friends. Is the OP using him for emotional purposes when all he wants is sex? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/24 "2011-01-14T18:10:36Z")
What most everyone else here is saying. Though I have to say, reading the OP, all I kept thinking was: “Wow, if he wont kiss her, he’s more than likely not going down on her either.” If that is true, that is one shitty fuck buddy. Trade up, girl. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/25 "2011-01-14T18:14:18Z")
[Dan Savage] DTMFA [/Dan Savage] ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/26 "2011-01-14T18:15:48Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Dump him. It’s actually a common form of emotional abuse to use your body for sex, but refuse any affectionate touching. I’m betting he’s not much of a cuddler either - or only when it’s what he wants. He’s keeping you desperate for what you want while getting his own wants fulfilled. Disgusting. Abuse? Disgusting? He’s not her boyfriend, if she wants to hang around him and fuck him that her choice. If he doesn’t want to kiss her that’s his choice. If I have consensual sex with someone but don’t want to kiss or cuddle them I’m abusive and disgusting? Maybe not what you want in a guy, but abusive and disgusting is a bit much. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/27 "2011-01-14T18:22:16Z")
Do you smoke cigarettes? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/28 "2011-01-14T18:27:31Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Do you smoke cigarettes? Like a a lot of them a day and he doesn’t smoke at all? That may be it but if that is not the case he is just fucking with you. Dump him. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/29 "2011-01-14T18:38:35Z")
I understand the desire to want to know why other people do stuff. But really, all you need to know is: _he won’t kiss you_. You’ve told him your needs, and he’s unwilling or unable to meet them. So now your job is to decide whether or not that works for you. If it does, carry on. If it doesn’t, break it off and find someone who will give you what you want. And then he can hook up with someone like \*\*Blackberry \*\*who doesn’t like to kiss, and all four of you can be happy. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/30 "2011-01-14T19:08:59Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I understand the desire to want to know why other people do stuff. But really, all you need to know is: _he won’t kiss you_. You’ve told him your needs, and he’s unwilling or unable to meet them. So now your job is to decide whether or not that works for you. If it does, carry on. If it doesn’t, break it off and find someone who will give you what you want. And then he can hook up with someone like \*\*Blackberry \*\*who doesn’t like to kiss, and all four of you can be happy. This is the best advice in the thread. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/31 "2011-01-14T21:24:11Z")
For serious. You want something. He won’t give it to you. Who cares why? You either want him enough to live without kissing, or you want kissing enough to find someone else. For what it’s worth, I’d strongly advise choosing the latter. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/32 "2011-01-14T21:29:04Z")
Maybe it’s the cigar. . . ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/33 "2011-01-14T22:13:52Z")
I’ll kiss you. Come 'ere… ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/34 "2011-01-14T22:35:36Z")
I agree that you have to consider that he might find something distasteful about your mouth/breath, or with the way you kiss. Maybe you can change that ,but not if he isn’t straight with you about what the issue is. If it’s bothering you, and he won’t change/help you fix it, it’s going to put a wedge between you. Solve it or move on; don’t be too optimistic about it resolving itself. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/35 "2011-01-15T00:03:13Z")
Take it from someone who deals with this on a regular basis, it won’t improve. So as others have said, dump him. You deserve so much better. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/36 "2011-01-15T00:09:00Z")
I have known someone who was not into kissing. A quick smootch was OK, but not long time kissy kissy. Her difficulty is that she has trouble breathing through her nose, (broken in the past) and finds the sensation of kissing almost suffocating. Plus, some folks are really into kissing and others are not. It may be nothing more that one of these. Or he may be an emotional beast, who is simply using you for personal gratification. Use your own judgement, rather than that of people who know little of the actual situation (ie all of us here) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/37 "2011-01-15T00:20:54Z")
Don’t overread it. Some people just aren’t into kissing. It doesn’t mean he’s secretly gay or cheating on you or emotionally dead. That said, kissing is very important to most people, including the OP. If someone isn’t willing to put some effort into making his or her partner happy, it’s definitely a problem. Talk it out and if things don’t improve, move on. (And consider the possibility it’s a bad breath issue. Find a brutally honest friend and ask them.) ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/38 "2011-01-15T12:55:11Z")
Even if it was your breath, after your fifth or sixth argument over it, he should have told you a valid reason instead of the BS answer that he’s sick of kissing. Since you have already declared that he’s not your boyfriend, there’s nothing stopping you from looking around for a new REAL boyfriend. One who will freely kiss you. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/39 "2011-01-15T15:15:07Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > Abuse? Disgusting? He’s not her boyfriend, if she wants to hang around him and fuck him that her choice. If he doesn’t want to kiss her that’s his choice. > > If I have consensual sex with someone but don’t want to kiss or cuddle them I’m abusive and disgusting? Maybe not what you want in a guy, but abusive and disgusting is a bit much. Keeping your partner desperate for what he/she wants while getting what you want is abusive and disgusting. Yes. In any relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542/40 "2011-01-15T16:52:00Z")
Dump him. Have you yet? Update us. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/he-wont-kiss-me/567542.md?page=3)