# Headlines We'd Like to See **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/1 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")
Here’s mine: **Spammer Assassin Strikes Again:** Victim #38 and Killer Still at Large ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/2 "2003-10-02T23:54:29Z")
**World Ignorance Eradicated: Cecil Adams Out Of Work, SDMB Is Now Mostly Pointless** ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/3 "2003-10-02T23:56:02Z")
**Something bad happens to someone, they don’t sue!** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/4 "2003-10-03T00:29:57Z")
**Fred Phelps Gives Up: “Oh Fuck Picketing, I’m Going To Retire To Hawaii” Says Infamous Pastor** **New Law Bans Reality TV** **Al-Queda Admits Defeat And Surrenders, bin Laden Commits Hari Kiri** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/5 "2003-10-03T00:34:17Z")
Oh, and: **Calvin And Hobbes To Return To The Comics, Penned by Watterson** ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/6 "2003-10-03T06:29:00Z")
**misstee wins the lottery, biggest payout in Powerball history** ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/7 "2003-10-03T07:58:28Z")
\*\* Bush admits mistakes in Mideast, turns control over to the UN, focuses on domestic matters. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/8 "2003-10-03T08:09:37Z")
**World Religions Finally Admit: There Is No God - We Were Wasting Your Time And Money. Go Out And Have Fun.** ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/9 "2003-10-03T09:18:47Z")
**Cubs Win World Series: Defeat Yankees in 4!** HEY! IT COULD HAPPEN! ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/10 "2003-10-03T09:25:18Z")
**Elvis Is Dead. Really.** ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/11 "2003-10-03T09:42:45Z")
**God says "Hey, good point! I think I _will_ end world suffering."** **Douglas Adams Vindicated - Purpose of Life Discovered** **"This is ridiculous! We’re having a world class public transport and high-speed internet networks, and I don’t care if we have to slash public spending." says British PM** ---
**Author:** ![DrMemory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DrMemory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrMemory)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/12 "2003-10-03T12:45:55Z")
“Rush Limbaugh elected as new Pope.” ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/13 "2003-10-03T12:55:47Z")
**New Pill Delivers: Eat all You Want. Never Gain Weight!** ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/14 "2003-10-03T13:03:05Z")
And for newspapers that have good typesetters who can bold: \*\*“New Pill Delivers: Eat all You Want. Never Gain Weight!”/b] ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/15 "2003-10-03T13:04:42Z")
:smack: I’m just gonna stop now (how embarrassing…) :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/16 "2003-10-03T13:32:19Z")
**Philster Muffs Tags** – Sorry, I couldn’t resist! 😛 **Waterson, Larson, and Breathed Team Up For New Comic Strip** **NASA Announces Ponder Stibbons to Captain First Expedition to Mars** **Futurama Picked Up By Cartoon Network** Subtitle: “New Episodes in January” ---
**Author:** ![cybersnark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@cybersnark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cybersnark)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/17 "2003-10-03T14:06:27Z")
**Rush Limbaugh, Fred Phelps, John Ashcroft and Carrotop discovered in Gay Sex Orgy** ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/18 "2003-10-03T14:07:27Z")
“SDMB’er called “cite” on another SDMB’er - Thread moved to pit.” ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/19 "2003-10-03T14:18:55Z")
**"Fred Phelps Joins Cast of ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’"** ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/20 "2003-10-03T14:34:47Z")
**No News Today. Sorry.** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=2)