# Headlines We'd Like to See **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/41 "2003-10-03T23:39:01Z")
**Republicans Still Unable to Find a Credible Challenger to President Gore** ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/42 "2003-10-03T23:39:25Z")
**Ingrid Newkirk caught wearing a fur coat and sneaking into steak and shake for a late night burger** ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/43 "2003-10-04T01:47:32Z")
\*\*Gynecologist Confirms Virginity of Britney Spears Tammy Faye Bakker Scrubbed of Makeup - Jimmy Hoffa Found! Reverend Al Sharpton Undergoes Colonoscopy-Finds Own Head U.S. announces “FUCK 'EM” Policy. All Foreign Troops Withdrawn, All Foreign Aid Discontinued. $1T Debt Reduction Anticipated Accident Victim doesn’t Sue. Lawyers Sue Victim for Failure to use Legal to Screw Others. Family Questions Mental Capacity Researchers Definitively Prove the Hokey-Pokey to be ‘What It’s All About’\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/44 "2003-10-04T01:56:50Z")
**Jedi Knights land on Earth for recruitment drive** ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/45 "2003-10-04T02:25:17Z")
“(”“b” “)” spogga can do bold “(”"/b"")" ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/46 "2003-10-04T02:26:29Z")
Oh fuck, no he can’t, shoots cat ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/47 "2003-10-04T02:29:55Z")
Tries again fingers crossed, making right prat of himself, cat ducked “[”“b”"]" will it, won’t it work “[”“b”"]" ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/48 "2003-10-04T02:31:23Z")
No it won’t, gives up, goes looking for cat. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/49 "2003-10-04T02:31:37Z")
**Affleck Hacks J-Lo to Death, Kills Self** ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/50 "2003-10-04T02:33:03Z")
How do you do bold for Gods sake…I have money!!! ---
**Author:** ![Opus1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/858c86/32.png) [@Opus1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opus1)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/51 "2003-10-04T02:44:58Z")
[q] In bold [/q] Now just replace the “q’s” in the brackets with “b’s” and you’re set! ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/52 "2003-10-04T02:55:40Z")
**Waterson: "Calvin and Hobbes to Return"** First book in June, Sunday-only strip in papers starting in September **Governor Quinn Appointed UN Secretary-General** **All Reality TV Shows and Chessy Sitcoms Cancelled!** 900 out-of-work comedians commit mass suicide **God Reveals That Isreali And New Jersey Should Be Switched In Position** Arafat now out-of-work, decides to retire to the Bahamas **Hendrix To Release 43rd Album Tomorrow** Latest release by the 12-time Grammy winner **PM of Australia Convicted of Mail Fraud** Is this the end of Rupert Murdoch PM? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/53 "2003-10-04T02:58:55Z")
**Governor Quinn Can’t Spell** **Golden To Receive Pulitzer** Only the second film reviewer to receive one **Ann Coulter And Michael Moore Kill Each Other** Level of public discourse triples within 20 minutes ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/54 "2003-10-04T05:25:03Z")
**Saddam Hussein resurfaces as Democratic front runner!** ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/55 "2003-10-04T05:55:57Z")
**Bush locks self in closet; key lost** ---
**Author:** ![cbm77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@cbm77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbm77)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/56 "2003-10-04T07:19:12Z")
**Linux wins case against Microsoft ! The monopoly is over…** **Oceanic bridges finally built between all contenants.** ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/57 "2003-10-04T10:28:17Z")
\*\* Going for it \*\* ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/58 "2003-10-04T10:29:33Z")
Success at last. I love you OPUS and want to bear your children ---
**Author:** ![lurksfromwork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@lurksfromwork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurksfromwork)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/59 "2003-10-04T10:50:52Z")
**Steve Irwin eaten by crocodile, Australia rejoices** ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/60 "2003-10-04T10:55:08Z")
**Roy Attacked by Tiger During Performance** Oh wait… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=4)