# Headlines We'd Like to See **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/61 "2003-10-04T13:50:57Z")
\*\* Opus has twins, Doctors amazed, spogga flabbergasted \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/62 "2003-10-04T14:30:36Z")
**No New Taxes \*\* \*\* Income tax has been cancelled. Refunds for the last fifty years.** Says one Capitol Hill insider: " It needed to be done. We will make more money off of taxing gambing,high end liquor, fancy cars, smokes, legalizing prostitution & narcotics and taxing cable/internet." **Brittiney, Christina & Madonna & every boys band out there Confess All** "We have no talent. We are just a product. You have been manipulated all these years. Sorry. \*\* **Rapper drowns in River** " It appears to be from the weight of his chains." said one police insider on condition of anonyminity. \*\*Tornado Rips Through Major Downtown Area. Destruction Everywhere." " It’s about fuckin’ time." said an angry Tammy LaFondue of Tornado Meadows, Tornado Alley, OK. \*\*I’m Sorry about Jar Jar Binks \*\* George Lucas apologizes. ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/63 "2003-10-04T14:58:06Z")
**Psychic wins huge lottery…again** **Windows ME recalled, with a free upgrade to Windows XP** And along those lines: **Microsoft drops prices of all MS software** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/64 "2003-10-04T15:58:25Z")
**Lord of thing Rings Wins “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards** **John Ashcroft’s Computer Wallpaper Changed To Goatse.cx** **Time Cube Proven Correct** Gene Ray Wins Nobel Prize **New Study Shows: You Really Do Need Your Tonsils** **Fred Phelps To Debate Gene Ray And Alex Chiu** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/65 "2003-10-04T16:00:20Z")
**The Man With The Golden Gun Makes Grievous Typo While Reporting of Lord of the Rings** Apparently TMWTGG Can’t Spell The Word “The” ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/66 "2003-10-04T20:09:38Z")
\*\*Saddam Hussein resurfaces as Democratic front runner. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Single\_Serving\_Friend](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Single\_Serving\_Friend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Single_Serving_Friend)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/67 "2003-10-04T21:43:37Z")
**Thirty years of charity paid off. All have water, food, shelter, healthcare.** **Cryogenic freezing made affordable and fun!** **Cameron Diaz leaves Timberlake** Diaz spotted with unknown Dutch male on tropical island. **Spogga boldly reveals psychic powers on SMDB** [sub]Powerful ability to make people spray drinks over computers and laugh uncontrollably thousands of miles away causes mayhem.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/68 "2003-10-04T21:46:43Z")
**Mattmcl Becomes PM of Canada** **Coldfire Becomes PM of Netherlands** **Governor Quinn Gets Cushy, No-Show Jobs From Canadian and Dutch Governments** ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/69 "2003-10-04T22:41:44Z")
**Polycarp/Esprix Win in Landslide Victory** **US Congress Institutes "President’s Question Time"** Bush Looks Forward to “Debatifying” Democrats And in other news: **Spogga Revealed to be Glamour Model Jordan** ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/70 "2003-10-05T03:33:59Z")
\*\*TubaDiva Found Eaten by Her Own Tuba: Apparently She Spotted a Thread [Kent Horvind](http://www.drdino.com) Discovers Own 3 Million Year Old Ancestor, Likeness Is Unmistakable\*\* In spite of this new overwhelming evidence, Horvind continues to blubber “But he forgot about the Flood.” \*\*SPOOFE Finally Finds His Underpants: SDMB Members Rejoice God Reveals Full Name to be “Snoop Goddy Godd”\*\* ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/71 "2003-10-05T05:57:42Z")
\*\* Gyrate admits to being spoggas love child, Opus furious\*\* ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/72 "2003-10-05T06:05:19Z")
…and for the UK Dopers \*\* Manchester City F.C. Win Cup, League, European Cup, Charity Shield,Wimbledon, Grand National, Derby and American Superbowl. Man Utd Disbanded \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/73 "2003-10-05T09:46:32Z")
**Great Grimsby Defeat Man City 7-0** \*\*Ann Coulter to Marry Esprix \*\* “He’s a real man’s man,” giggles Coulter ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/74 "2003-10-05T10:46:40Z")
**Bush suffers from constipation, doctors say MRI of the region reveals object that resembles GW’s head.** ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/75 "2003-10-05T11:45:04Z")
GRIMSBY??? Oh come on this is supposed to be serious, Grimsby, Jesus wept!! G-R-I-M-S-B-Y. Grim by name and grim by nature, I don’t believe you posted that I really don’t, fuck me standing low it’s the best laugh I’ve had since the old king died…Grimsfuckingby, I mean honestly. ---
**Author:** ![alibey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@alibey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alibey)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/76 "2003-10-05T11:53:25Z")
**Space Aliens Arrive on Earth, Claim All Your Base are Belong to Us** ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/77 "2003-10-05T16:29:40Z")
\*\* CLEVELAND WINS WORLD SERIES! \*\* Well ok, maybe I’m the only one that wants to see that. How about these: \*\* LENO RETIRES! CONAN TO HOST TONIGHT SHOW! LETTERMAN PISSED OFF ANYWAY! \*\* \*\* ARNOLD WINS RECALL THEN IMMEDIATELY RESIGNS. SAYS, “I’M JUST AN ACTOR, I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF.” \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/78 "2003-10-05T16:43:00Z")
**REPUBLICANS ADMIT: "FLYING MONKEYS WILL COME OUT OF OUR @SSES BEFORE WE KNOW WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT."** ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/79 "2003-10-05T18:47:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spogga \* > \*\*GRIMSBY??? Oh come on this is supposed to be serious, > > Grimsby, Jesus wept!! G-R-I-M-S-B-Y. Grim by name and grim by nature, I don’t believe you posted that I really don’t, fuck me standing low it’s the best laugh I’ve had since the old king died…Grimsfuckingby, I mean honestly. \*\* My work here is done. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/80 "2003-10-05T19:07:35Z")
\*\*Spogga Flabbergasted by Grimsby Headline, Head Explodes All Over Keyboard! New SMDB Fad Created! White Tiger At Las Vegas Mirage Score One for the Home Team\*\* “He looked so cute in that outfit that I just had to eat him up,” attacker says. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=5)