# Headlines We'd Like to See **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/81 "2003-10-05T19:14:14Z")
Oh yeah: **Headlines Thread in MPSIMS Submitted for Threadspotting, Horseflesh Confesses All** In other news: **Horseflesh Discovers That He Can’t Acronymize or Verb Correctly, Then Makes More Grammar Faux Pas With Corrections** ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/82 "2003-10-05T19:49:08Z")
**Bill Clinton Caught With Pants Down** \*\*Fred Phelps Arrested for Large Cache of Child Porn \*\* \*\*Whitney Houston Admits Drug Problem. \*\* **Hollywood admits to running out of ideas for movies.** “Well, duuuh.” says the not so shocked public. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/83 "2003-10-05T19:59:58Z")
\*\*spoggas head explodes,brains all over monitor,Grimsbyite apologises, eats brains \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/84 "2003-10-05T21:11:50Z")
**Derren Brown Accidentally Shoots David Blaine** “Now _that’s_ good television,” viewers respond ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/85 "2003-10-05T21:27:51Z")
**Farts are good for Ozone Layer.** Baked Bean Industry at an all time high. ---
**Author:** ![Blassie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@Blassie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blassie)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/86 "2003-10-05T22:33:33Z")
**Bush Tells Truth!** _Anxious Nation Awaits Full Explanation_ **Limbaugh Admits All!** _“The Pills Were Only The Tip Of The Iceberg!” Screams Pre-op Transexual Radio Host_ **Clintons File For Divorce!** _Both Admit Affair With Sharon Stone_ ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/87 "2003-10-07T19:41:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gyrate \* > > **Polycarp/Esprix Win in Landslide Victory** Well that would be just fine. But this?: > [@](#): > > \*\*Ann Coulter to Marry Esprix \*\* > “He’s a real man’s man,” giggles Coulter Why would you wish that on me? ☹ Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/88 "2003-10-08T08:27:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > Why would you wish that on me? ☹ > Esprix Entertainment value, mostly. :wally Okay, okay, I’m sorry… ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/89 "2004-03-10T17:51:54Z")
\*\*CIA Discovers Bombs in Gilead. Bush Plans Invasion \*\* **Jesus Returns** **Jesus admits he liked Mel Gibsons’ "The Passion"** \*\*“The Beatles were more popular than me,” says Jesus \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/90 "2004-03-10T18:15:52Z")
> [@spogga](#): > > “(”“b” “)” spogga can do bold “(”"/b"")" get rid of ALL your quotation marks. replace ()'s with 's. If you are still confused, hit “reply” to my post so that it quotes me and **observe** **Moe Previews Post to Ensure Irony-Free** **Slow News Day** ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/91 "2004-03-10T18:20:25Z")
> [@Moe](#): > > get rid of ALL your quotation marks. replace ()'s with 's. > > If you are still confused, hit “reply” to my post so that it quotes me and **observe** > > **Moe Previews Post to Ensure Irony-Free** > > **Slow News Day** :o **Moe Fails to Notice Second Page During Preview; Maintains That While He Now Feels Silly, His Initial Post Remains Irony-Free… Mostly** ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/92 "2004-03-10T19:13:45Z")
**Good News** For a Change ---
**Author:** ![Deef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ab097/32.png) [@Deef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deef)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/93 "2004-03-10T19:39:36Z")
**Typesetter Suffers Fatal Heart Att** ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/94 "2004-03-10T20:12:02Z")
**The Headlines Thread from last October makes Threadspotting!** **Some stuff happened.** subtitle: Not much. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/95 "2004-03-10T23:27:23Z")
**Hillary Admits New Casino a Mistake** **NYS Has On Time Budget** Subtitle: First time in 20 years (Yeah, I’m a bit provincial, here. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/96 "2004-03-11T00:20:25Z")
> [@Mastema](#): > > **Ingrid Newkirk caught wearing a fur coat and sneaking into steak and shake for a late night burger** subtitle: Suspect in weekend Humane Society animal liberation Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/97 "2004-03-11T00:44:30Z")
**90 Percent of World Population Vanishes Overnight** ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/98 "2004-03-11T00:53:06Z")
> [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > **Lord of [The] Rings Wins “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards** > _10/4/2003_ **SDMB Psychic Scores Direct Hit With Prediction** _Plans to claim $1 million from James Randi_ **Pope Declares Support For Same Sex Marriage** _Vatican City becomes last of world nations to provide full equal marriage rights_ ---
**Author:** ![Jerrybear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8c91f0/32.png) [@Jerrybear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jerrybear)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/99 "2004-03-11T01:19:50Z")
“Ralph Nader (or any Green Party/independent leftist candidate) Elected President!” “Michigan Wolverines Defeat Connecticut (or Tennessee, or whoever) in NCAA Women’s Basketball Final!” “Favre Breaks Marino’s Career TD Pass Record!” The second and third ones will definitely happen soon. The first one will hopefully happen at some point, pending reform of the hopelessly corrupt American political system and/or a massive awakening of the apathetic American public. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/100 "2004-03-11T01:29:21Z")
“Jennifer Aniston to Star in Porn Movie!” “Thousands of 2000 Al Gore Florida Ballots Found Buried in Crawford, TX” “Compromise Reached In Abortion Debate!” “New York Yankees Sign 47 Year Old Engineer” “NHL Drops Silly Overtime Loss Point in Standings” “Designated Hitter Outlawed Forever” “Bush Loses Every State to Kerry, Fails to Carry Single County Nationwide” “Hot Children’s Movie Has No Contract With Fast Food Restaurant” “Engineering Now Universally Regarded as Sexiest Occupation” “Drug Companies Refund Money to Defrauded Consumers” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=6)