# Headlines We'd Like to See **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219 "2003-10-02T22:30:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/101 "2004-03-11T01:35:06Z")
**Columnist Adams responds to Annan, Bush questions; World peace enacted.** _End to poverty scheduled for Thursday_ **VIA Rail to operate TGV from Windsor to Quebec** _Long Sault to get central station_ **wolfstu added to Stibbons mission** _Scientist to pilot vessel, landing craft_ ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/102 "2004-03-11T03:52:13Z")
**Liv Tyler dating SDMB poster known as "emekthian"** “We spend most of our time having wild, passionate sex” says beautiful actress **Gay marriage legalized!** President Bush divorces wife, marries Colin Powell **U.S. Treasury announces $120 Trillion budget surplus** Each American citizen will recieve a check for $400,000 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/103 "2004-03-11T04:28:22Z")
**Johnny Depp & Brad Pitt Caught in Love Nest of SDMB UberGal with the Initials SU.**" All she wants are hot oil massages and for us to speak in accents." said Pitt with a pretty little pout. **Warren Zevon announces concert tour.**" My death was all a publicity stunt." \*\*" I’m a skank." \*\* By Christina Aguilerra. **Woman tries to pass off one million dollar bill at Walmart.** oh wait ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/104 "2004-03-11T04:31:50Z")
**MTV EXECS ADMIT TO PRODUCING CRAP.**" We were interesting once, but well, it just went down the crapper." Anonymous insider reported yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/105 "2004-03-11T04:48:45Z")
**"Vatican III" concludes in Rome.** Stunning reversals on homosexuality, birth-control, clergy celebacy issues. Failing that… **Holy Land Devistated by Asteroid Strikes** 90% loss of life between Crete, Riyadh. Tidal waves swamp Rome. Or even… **Vatican sacked by Centaurs, Cyclops.** Pope discovered cavorting with Satyrs. Attack eerily mirrors Griffin strike in Mecca. **MIT announces perfection of dead-ressurection technology!** Lennon, Einstein, Twain endorce technology at press conferance. **New Tesla, Inc. claims 75% market share of U.S. automotive market.** Celebrations tonight at emission-free engine manufacturer’s headquarters. In other news, Saudi Arabia is redoubling it’s pledge for debt relief from the G9 powers… **Apple Computer finalizes purchaise of beleagured Microsoft.** “I’m the god, I’M THE GOD!” says C.E.O. Jobs. **French agents captured at Indonesian chemical warfare lab after Jakarta gas attack.** Rioting in Paris, Nice. French President resigns in disgrace. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/106 "2004-03-11T16:36:24Z")
> [@wolfstu](#): > > **VIA Rail to operate TGV from Windsor to Quebec** > Long Sault to get central station Hear, hear! :: claps :: 🙂 **Funding for Peacekeepers triples** New equipment on way; troops overjoyed Canada to help rebuild Haiti, Uzbekistan, Miami, Aceh, Scarborough **Air taxis on way** Prototype system to serve Southern Ontario by 2007 Inventor Moller and Premier meet **Jobs boom in creative industries** “People want to be entertained–and have their minds expanded” ‘World designers’ in demand **Recreational marijuana legalized, to be sold by LCBO** Revenue gains expected; anti-addiction funding increased; police “relieved” **Group marriage to be legalized** Legal team studying implications; PM McLaughlin “in favour” **Toronto goes open-source** City government to use open file formats in wake of leasing scandal “No more will our data be held hostage” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/107 "2004-03-11T18:04:45Z")
\*\*Tobacco Outlawed World Wide \*\* “Sheeet. Zhat means we ahr going to ghet fat like those Americans.” said the entire country of France. " Sacre Blow." ---
**Author:** ![Phedre\_no\_Delaunay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/839c29/32.png) [@Phedre\_no\_Delaunay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phedre_no_Delaunay)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/108 "2004-03-11T19:27:27Z")
**U.S. Enacts National Healthcare** **MTV, VH-1 Return to Showing Videos** Execs apologize for all the crap shows. “We don’t know what we were thinking!” ---
**Author:** ![lt180ml](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lt180ml](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lt180ml)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/109 "2004-03-11T20:09:57Z")
**Bush announces new campaign promises, including better grammar** **CIA reports that Bin Laden ‘borrowed’ all the Iraqi WMDs** White House issues statement that ‘wherever they are, don’t worry, we’ll invade it’ ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/110 "2004-03-11T22:11:29Z")
**Diabetes cured!** Pill makes glucose levels “both hunky and dory.” **Cleveland couple wins $47M lotto** “What the hell are we gonna do with all of this,” asks bemused wife. **MST3K Back on the Air** Funding supplied by wealthy Clevelander. **Public Libraries Have More $ Than Needed** Monies donated by wealthy Cleveland couple. **Wm. Shatner Entertains at House Party** “We’re Trekkies,” say wealthy Cleveland couple. Patty ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/111 "2004-03-12T01:31:43Z")
**Flying cars perfected** **Fusion power perfected** Every oil company shifts production for plastics, petrochemicals **Synthetic Fossil Fuels technology perfected** “Cool, I can build airfoils now!” says excited turn-based strategy game player All oil companies go out of business **Futurama Uncancled!** “What the hell were we thinking?” says Fox executive **[Saimiar](http://www.angelfire.com/ultra/fnuh/saimiar.html) becomes official language of the USA** fësauthî çifálodhingo, z’anáwrakto ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/112 "2004-03-12T02:10:01Z")
> [@spogga](#): > > How do you do bold for Gods sake…I have money!!! **bold is done like so:** (Substitute this symbol [or this symbol] for these as used in the following example.) Not bold. (B)Bold.(/B) Not bold again. Now copy the above phrase exactly as shown **EXCEPT** replace this thingy ( with this other thingy [ Now, do the same thing by replacing this thingy ) with this thingy] Now does it become clear? Just in case, I’ll try it a different way. Eventually I’m sure you’ll catch on. There really needs to be a “don’t parse emphasis” box to click so these explanations don’t get confoosed. Spogga, Ya almost had it right before, but you need to ditch all the extra quotation marks – [b] (without the spaces between the brackets and the b) starts the bold command, and [/b] ends bold (also without the spaces between the brackets and the /b). –SSgtBaloo “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” – Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/113 "2004-03-12T02:33:07Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > \ > “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” > – Mark Twain Ain’t it the truth! **SSgtBaloo Learns How To Tell When He’s Reached The End of the Thread! News at Eleven…** (I’d say oops, but I have a limited supply and might need it later.) –SSgtBaloo ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/114 "2004-03-12T03:44:14Z")
**Democratic National Party Admits Kerry Sucks** : He’s the best we can do? \*\* 42 and Ventura in a Catch Match.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/115 "2004-03-12T04:43:04Z")
**Pentagon announces a series of bake sales to fund arms purchases** related story **Schools across the country fully funded; Teachers’ wages increased to corporate levels** ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/116 "2004-03-12T09:13:07Z")
**RED SOX LOSE SERIES Still Came Very Close “Maybe Next Year, Or The Year After That, Honest” Says Francona** Somehow the Red Sox are even immune to this thread. Maybe this year, though… maybe… ---
**Author:** ![Nathan\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/47e85d/32.png) [@Nathan\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nathan_S)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/117 "2004-03-12T12:33:40Z")
**Dubya reveals: "just kidding about WMD, we did it for the oil"** **Ashcroft admits: "terrorism a pretext, curtailing civil liberties gives me a woodie"** **FBI Director admits Bureau complicity in JFK assassination conspiracy** ---
**Author:** ![Tokyo-John](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Tokyo-John](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokyo-John)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/118 "2004-03-14T02:20:58Z")
**NO MORE OIL! World’s Last Oil Well Goes Dry** Global Warming Likely to Stop, Solar Power Now Looks Feasible ---
**Author:** ![Tokyo-John](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Tokyo-John](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokyo-John)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219/119 "2004-03-14T02:25:21Z")
This just in from the news desk: **O. J. Caught Red-handed–Again!** Former Dream Team Refuses to Touch This One [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/headlines-wed-like-to-see/205219.md?page=5)