I was in a similar situation as you, but I did not leave school. I was pressured into staying in school by my family (mostly my fatherwho doesn’t believe in depression and sees it as an excuse for being weak) . He threatened to cut me off completely and refused to let me move back with them.
I had no where to go and no money to go out on my own and I was still under my dad’s insurance, so I stayed. I didn’t get better and it took me over 6 years to get my degree. I wasted a lot of time and money by staying. I also risked my health. I was sick all the time and nearly wound up in the hospital once or twice.
Your credits aren’t going anywhere. The school isn’t going anywhere. Please, take the time to get yourself healthy.
My thoughts weren’t very organized when I dashed off that long post this morning, but as far as support, most people in my life supported my decision and had a very, ‘‘it’s your life’’ kind of attitude about it. My family is not super academically-oriented and nobody ever pressured me, or expected me, to go to college, other than myself. Most of them knew I was in bad shape and only wanted me to get better.
One thing I wanted to advise, based on my own experience: if you DO decide to take time off, communicate with your school every step of the way. Inform them you are withdrawing due to a medical condition, and provide whatever documentation necessary for them to record that. Because I failed to do this, I had to petition for a retroactive medical withdrawal which became a 9 month ordeal. I was set back 1 year and $3k by the end of it.
Also, this is one of those ‘‘shit or get off the pot’’ kind of situations. I dragged on my misery for close to two years before finally admitting I needed time off, resulting in not one, but TWO semesters of Ws, plus some additional Ws sprinkled in the other semesters, plus reduced course loads, etc. I refused to admit to myself I was fighting a losing battle. Because I had documentation that the withdrawals were medical, it was not considered a problem, but I really wish I had just withdrawn the moment I landed in the hospital, on a long-term basis, and refused to come back until I was better. My GPA would have been higher, I would have gotten more out of the experience, and my memories of undergrad wouldn’t be so full of regret.
I was 20 when I left university after the second semester because of depression. Came back nine years later and am now at the final and third year of a different education that suits me much better than the first one.
I think I was way too young to go to Uni. What I really needed was to work for a few years, faff around for a bit, figure things out for myself. I mean, I had NO idea who I was or what I wanted at 20. I was very much a teenager and in no shape to decide what kind of education I should pick to base a career on. I feel very bad for people who obviously aren’t ready for college or university, but go anyway because “that’s what you do”. Especially people who are battling emotional issues at the same time.
Tess Trueheart - take care of yourself and don’t worry about your career, especially not as you are an artist. You need your emotional and physical health in order to be an artist. You don’t need performance pressure. And… you’re not in a hurry. Creativity is dependent on not being in a hurry, and artists don’t have a best before-date. You’ll be fine.
I’m saying this as a writer who finally managed to start writing good stuff after giving up on the idea of having a successful career NOW NOW NOW.
why did you leave?**
I struggled with depression/OCD/PTSD for much of my adolescence and went to a college that was far from home where there was not much psychological support available (small town vs the urban environment I was used to). I was also coming out as gay in a very nonsupportive environment. The college asked me to leave after my third semester (midway thru soph year) as a “threat to myself” and gave me 24 hours to get off campus.
It was hugely difficult for me to return home because much of my family has mental health issues, but is very academically oriented. I felt that I was letting them down by being asked to leave school and by suffering the same mental problems as my family members.
2) did you return? & 3a) if you returned, after how long? were you more successful upon returning? did it hurt your career prospects any to explain away the Ws/Fs/empty period of time?did your family/friends support this choice?
Not to that college, but I worked steadily (waiting tables) after returning home. After scoring an office job due to my proofreading and editing skills, I returned to night classes a few years after I left school and earned my bachelor’s. Note that I saw a therapist and got on effective medication during this time.
This didn’t hurt my career at all. I’ve been steadily promoted and am making a good living about 8 years after finishing my bachelor’s; have just finished my master’s as well. The biggest issue that I wrestle with is feeling slightly embarrassed that I did my bachelor’s at a school that is one of those you see advertised for working adults, rather than a standard four-year college. On the other hand I gained a tremendous amount of real-world experience by being financially on my own when I was 20 and working 8-10 hours a day.
I have to add that at the info session I attended when I began my master’s degree that this sort of experience does not seem to be uncommon. The admissions liaison was very upfront and said that what mattered to the college was life experience and our commitment to the field, regardless of any gaps in undergraduate studies and where we got our undergrad degrees. Don’t know whether my field is exceptionally prone to anxiety/depression or what, but it certainly sounded like the college understood this sort of situation.
In the post-college world, what matters so much is what you make of the situations that have happened in your life.
In Spain changing majors is pretty difficult, but I saw people who, after one year, knew they weren’t in the right one but said “if I switch, I’ll be wasting a year” - “ah, so you’d rather waste forty-five?” was my answer.
I love the British concept of a gap year and wish more people could afford to have one (the way I see it, for most people the problem would be mental, not financial). You’re taking a much-needed Gap Year, Tess. And if it ends up being a gap life, so be it!
In case anybody was curious, things have been looking up since I started this thread.
I’ve been living with my grandparents in a small town that’s 6 hours from my parents and 12 hours from school. They are heavy on the preaching but have otherwise been extremely supportive.
I tried Lexapro (dizziness plus brain zappy headaches) for six weeks and Zoloft (dizziness plus nausea at random points through the day - right before or after the pill would’ve been fixable) for three weeks. I’m now taking Wellbutrin, and except for the dry mouth, it’s been a miracle! Well, and the oddly vivid dreams, but that has happened with all three and I can tolerate them.
I’m working through a behavioral activation book and a self-esteem book that has a companion exercises book as well. I also journal daily, color often (quick way to relax), and try to exercise when my dizziness subsides.
I got in a minor wreck driving here (two days after starting Lex + in the rain + anxiety that is hugely magnified behind the wheel = disaster), but as my car was officially a Clunker, we’re not getting it fixed just yet. I’ll be walking, biking and riding the free campus bus - and I love that plan! SO much easier for me.
I’m going back to school in January. I will have a very light courseload and will likely be living in the same building as before. If you can believe it, it’s a college dorm full of polite, quiet upperclassmen with great kitchen and laundry room manners, so I will be pleased with that.
I have a decent sleep and food schedule, have maintained my weight (lost 25 pounds in the last 6 months or so even with hypothyroid!), and feel like the “after” in that Claritin commercial. No more moving at half-speed or less through Jello and junk. I’m moving forward on a fairly clear path at just the right speed.
I’ll be returning to my parents’ house in 10 days and spending just enough time there to pack up, see friends, and spend Christmas and New Year’s with them since I did Thanksgiving here (my grandparents hosted some people in the community whose spouses have died and would otherwise be alone, but it was great and not depressing at all). I think I just might be okay!
Thank you everyone for your great suggestions and encouragement before. I really wanted to work, but I was so dizzy and wobbly until trying Wellbutrin that it would’ve been impossible. Instead I stayed in and had a really great job - helping myself for the first time in awhile. Now I can go back to helping my friends by not being such an energy drain, and keep training to help students by teaching them to use music as an outlet like I do
Good for you! Behavioral activation rocks! It sounds like you’re doing a good job making this transition back into school. And someday you can look back on this period and remember all that you overcame.
Also, the “routine” advice was particularly helpful. Sunday IS laundry day. Bedtime is NEVER after 11 these days, and wakeup time is at the FIRST alarm, not after hours of hitting snooze. At my worst I would keep hitting it for up to 4 hours. I’ve also completely kicked the caffeine habit and never missed a dose of any of the meds I’ve tried. I think I’m getting the hang of this.
Thank you! Olives, I am using the Overcoming Depression One Step at a Time: The New Behavioral Activation Approach to Getting Your Life Back book that I think I saw you suggest to someone else. I picked it out solely through reading Amazon.com reviews, but later saw it mentioned and felt encouraged as I’ve always liked the quality of your advice.
depression, migraines, aphasia because of Topomax (not a great thing to have while trying to get a PhD in English), three supervisors and three different topics in three years and my father shooting himself.
did you return?
Not yet. Maybe someday. Certainly not finishing where I started, as they have ruled I completed nothing and would have to start from scratch anyway.
3a) if you returned, after how long? were you more successful upon returning? did it hurt your career prospects any to explain away the Ws/Fs/empty period of time?did your family/friends support this choice?
So far, I haven’t gone back. I think I may. I don’t think it can hurt if I explain that I needed an academic break / money. Plus there are discrimination laws for that sort of thing when it’s connected to mental health issues.
3b) if you didn’t return, why not? do you plan to return eventually? are you happy with how your life has turned out? did your family/friends support this choice?
My family, they are not thrilled. My husband’s family, they are not thrilled (oh, yes, I got married after I quit).
Tess, this is great news, and I’m so happy to hear it. I was in fact thinking of you just the other day. There was another poster who mentioned he was on medical leave from school - but unfortunately doesn’t appear to be getting the help he needs - and I remembered this thread and wondered how you were. I’m really glad to hear that you’re on the mend, and things are going so well. Keep up the good work, and don’t push yourself too hard. We’ll keep rooting for you!
Thank you! I read about that poster, too, and wondered if there was anything I could say to help him. I ultimately chickened out, though - I may be overcoming depression, but I am still kind of shy, even online. It is nice to hear that people remembered this thread. I hope he too has greater hope and success in the future.
