# Heap your appreciation upon the (not-really) Official SDMB Mom - ME! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068 "2004-05-07T20:33:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/1 "2004-05-07T20:33:11Z")
Mother’s Day is just around the corner. And since I’m the first Doper with a maternal name to come up with the idea, I think I’m due some accolades, appeciation, and, of course, gifts. I shall shoulder the burden of representing all Doper moms, because, well, that’s just the sort of thing that a mom would do for her dear ones. So, dear ones, here I am, in my maternal apron, having just slaved over a hot stove following a day of washing and ironing your clothes and keeping your house clean. I don’t ask for much - just a little recognition of my motherliness. And I certainly don’t expect to be accused of being an attention whore. That’s _not_ something to call a mom. Now where are my chocolates and flowers, dagnabbit??? PS - Happy Mother’s Day to all us Doper Moms. Group hug!!! ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/2 "2004-05-07T20:37:10Z")
Happy Mother’s Day, **Mom**. Notice how I’m the first to post. That shows that I care more than the rest. When you’re doing your will, it’s DeadlyAccurate, all one word. ---
**Author:** ![jellytoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jellytoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellytoes)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/3 "2004-05-07T20:39:27Z")
Dear ( **FairyChat** ) **Mom** , Thank you for your support in times of strife, and making me laugh and snort hot coffee. Always there with a wise (ass) comment, or listening ear, you are the bestest virtual mom ever!!! Rah Rah **FCM**!!! Loves, Jelly (how’d I do mom?) ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/4 "2004-05-07T20:40:08Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > So, dear ones, here I am, in my maternal apron, having just slaved over a hot stove following a day of washing and ironing your clothes and keeping your house clean. I don’t ask for much - just a little recognition of my motherliness. [Eddie Haskell] Good afternoon Mrs. Cleaver is Wallace home? [/Eddie Haskell] ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/5 "2004-05-07T20:50:13Z")
I’m not giving you any chocolate until you powder my butt and tuck me in. 😛 HMD anyways FCM, since I’m short of the real thing this year. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/6 "2004-05-07T20:53:19Z")
> [@DeadlyAccurate](#): > > Notice how I’m the first to post. Being first is good. Being first with a gift is better. But that’s OK. Don’t worry about it. You’re busy - you don’t have time to pick up a card or anything. You’ll still always be first. **jellytoes** , that’s very heartwarming. Not as warm as a nice bathrobe might have been. But it’s not a big deal. I appreciate the thought. **swampy** , dear, words fail me. At least for now. I’ll get back to you. **vunderbob** , you scamp! You shouldn’t make Mom blush so! Now, everyone sit down and I’ll make some sandwiches. No, no, I’ll get the milk, too. Just sit there and stay out of my way as I mother my way around. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/7 "2004-05-07T20:53:51Z")
I’m waving to you from the window since I was, you know, caesarean. HMD, FairyChatMom! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/8 "2004-05-07T20:58:44Z")
Of course I know you were caesarian, **lieu** - the toga and leafy wreath gives it away every time. Now go wash your hands before you come to the table, there’s a dear. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/9 "2004-05-07T21:00:56Z")
HMD, **FCM**! IMHO, PDQ – YMMV. TANSTAAFL! ROFLMAO, twicks ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/10 "2004-05-07T21:03:39Z")
Here’s this really cool card that I made for you!! See how I decorated it with elbow macaroni? That’s how you can tell it’s special!! Happy Mother’s Day, FairyChat **Mom**!! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/11 "2004-05-07T21:04:40Z")
Ah, poor **twicks** , she tries so hard but she still doesn’t make much sense. What’s a mom to do??? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/12 "2004-05-07T21:07:22Z")
Ah, **DeVena** , my new favorite! Such a lovely card! I can see you put a lot of work and thought into it. Here, you can have first pick of the fresh brownies. Such a sweetheart you are… ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/13 "2004-05-07T21:10:37Z")
HMD, **FCM!** I made you pretty tissue flowers and I worked REAL hard on them 'cause you’re so special and all. See how pretty they are? There’s red, yellow, purple and pink! I hope you like my bouquet! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/14 "2004-05-07T21:15:53Z")
Oh, **Taters** , they’re beautiful - and all my favorite colors, too! You did a very good job with them. Would you like some ice cream, sweetie? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/15 "2004-05-07T21:24:27Z")
I got you a gallon of perfume, Eau de Bart, so you’ll always smell pretty. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/16 "2004-05-07T21:28:53Z")
A whole gallon of perfume? You’ve been saving your allowance, haven’t you **Casey**? It certainly is a powerful scent, isn’t it? You’re very kind. ---
**Author:** ![jellytoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jellytoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellytoes)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/17 "2004-05-07T21:30:15Z")
You’re all a bunch of suck ups! Everyone knows that mothers thrive on love and devotion, not tacky flowers and perfume. Get with the program! And stop hogging the brownies! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/18 "2004-05-07T21:33:27Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Ah, **DeVena** , my new favorite! Such a lovely card! I can see you put a lot of work and thought into it. Well, if you like that you’re sure to love this beautiful ceramic ashtray I made just for you! Bet’cha can’t wait to start smoking now… Psst! I know **Mom** doesn’t like a tattletail, but I’m pretty sure I saw **DeVena** nosing around the macaroni section at the Hallmark Store… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/19 "2004-05-07T21:38:06Z")
Goodness, **Hal Briston** , that’s a very large and, um, heavy ashtray. I think I’ll pass on taking up smoking, but it will be perfect for pocket change, on the rare occasions that I have a little change left over after stocking the pantry and buying school supplies and paying doctor bills… And nobody likes a snitch, dear. Have a cookie. **jellytoes** , no need to get snitty. I didn’t chastise you for not catching my subtle hints, did I??? HMMMM? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068/20 "2004-05-07T21:40:07Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > A whole gallon of perfume? You’ve been saving your allowance, haven’t you **Casey**? It certainly is a powerful scent, isn’t it? You’re very kind. The guy gave me a phone number to call if you got any in your eyes, or accidentally ingested any. He said to keep it off of any painted surfaces, too. And out of direct sunlight. And open flames. And away from pets. And edible items. Happy Mother’s Day {{{hugs}}} [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heap-your-appreciation-upon-the-not-really-official-sdmb-mom-me/244068.md?page=2)