# Heard any good non-sequitur lately? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162 "2006-08-18T00:18:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/1 "2006-08-18T00:18:02Z")
So I was walking downtown and there was this strange man standing in the alley. What was strange about him was that everytime someone passed by he would make an off-the-wall comment. When I walked past him he mumbled something incoherent. On my way back, I passed him again. This time I stood there to hear just what he had to say. I’m standing there and he says, “That’s sacred ground.” I blink. What?! The way he said it made me laugh so hard afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/2 "2006-08-18T00:24:50Z")
My brother-in-law used to work for the phone company. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/3 "2006-08-18T00:26:38Z")
If it wasn’t for that horse, I’d never have gone to college. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/4 "2006-08-18T01:54:49Z")
I was going to be a doctor, but I couldn’t just leave the weiner cart. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/5 "2006-08-18T02:00:42Z")
My trombone is completely full of Gatorade so I really can’t host the cook-out, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/6 "2006-08-18T02:16:27Z")
…then cook the Jeans at 450 for 20 minutes. Wait, you said capris? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/7 "2006-08-18T02:32:24Z")
Rubber stoppers, RUBBER STOPPERS, _ **FERCHRISSAKE RUBBER STOPPERS!!11!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/8 "2006-08-18T02:45:53Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Rubber stoppers, RUBBER STOPPERS, _ **FERCHRISSAKE RUBBER STOPPERS!!11!!!** _ [/QUOTE] Dude, I don’t know what kind of snow globe you’re using but would you care to yodel with me? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/9 "2006-08-18T02:47:56Z")
[QUOTE=Mach Tuck] My brother-in-law used to work for the phone company. [/QUOTE] I used to work for the phone company, but I am not his BIL. ---
**Author:** ![Whifton\_Polekitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/97f17d/32.png) [@Whifton\_Polekitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whifton_Polekitty)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/10 "2006-08-18T03:00:26Z")
Did you remember to tell your mother about the fig tree? ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/11 "2006-08-18T03:08:49Z")
This is, on my honor as a journalist, absolutely true: In a hotly contested sheriff’s office race in my local county (in which there are almost DAILY developments of EARTH SHAKING importance!) one candidate actually said: “Yes, he has more than twenty years experience. But I will never lie to you.” No shit. He \*actually \* said that. And he \*won \* the fucking _primary_!! ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/12 "2006-08-18T03:35:19Z")
A friend was telling me about a conversation that she had with two other people. One of the people had seen a Discovery Special about polar bears, and he was desperately trying to interject what he had learned, but the other two people kept talking about…you know, stuff, but not polar bears. Anyway, there was finally a pause in the conversation, in which the friend interjected, “Speaking of polar bears…” Which cracked me up, upon hearing the story, and now its an in joke among friends and family, when you want to abruptly change the subject. If you don’t know the story, though, its a complete non-sequitur. (There’s a similar story in the book Homicide about black sand, as I recall.) Cheers, G ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/13 "2006-08-18T03:53:02Z")
Today, I was sitting on a bench in one of the quads eating lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. A few yards in front of us, sitting on the grass talking is a group of girls. My friend and I are talking and in a brief break in the flow of our conversation, we hear one of the girls say (loudly) “animal semen.” I have no clue of the context, but something made this girl shout “animal semen” in a crowded quad. My friend and I exchange “did I just hear that glances” followed by “yeah you did” nods and just silently mutually agreed not to ask. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/14 "2006-08-18T12:02:41Z")
Unfortunately I’m all out of shoe polish. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/15 "2006-08-18T15:43:13Z")
Snakes? On a goddamn _plane_? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/16 "2006-08-18T16:02:45Z")
[QUOTE=QuickSilver] If it wasn’t for that horse, I’d never have gone to college. [/QUOTE] This reminds me of a thread that I started last year. Here’s the OP: [QUOTE=moi] I work in a hospital. In the main corridor there is a series of large portraits of not only great doctors but great thinkers. Like Alberts Sweitzer and Einstein. One portrait is of an elderly Helen Keller and her elderly companion Polly Thompson (the only “double” portrait in the corridor). As I was walking by just now a woman stopped to look at it, and said to her friend “Wow, this is a great one! Come here, you have to see this!” So the friend looked at it and said “Wow, that is great. But how come there’s two of her? Oh wait, I get it. In one she’s not wearing her glasses.” Blood is shooting out my nose. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heard-any-good-non-sequitur-lately/369162/17 "2006-08-18T16:49:42Z")
My breath smells like people food.