# Heeeeeeeeey FATTIES **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465 "2010-03-05T21:17:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/661 "2010-03-11T07:03:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > When I see an **ivn** post in a thread about fatties, I expect better than this. That is all. Looks like he was just clearing his throat. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/662 "2010-03-11T07:48:22Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > Thank you for demonstrating the qualities of failure and shame with your meager contribution. Your post was yet another “Your dumb! I bet u like live in ur parent’s basement!”. > > Come on. Put some effort in. Reference some obscure 80’s films, break out the thesaurus, allude to one of the great Russian novelists, or at least give us some amusingly apt but completely unrelated comparisons. > > Maybe it’s just that you’re a baby boomer, raised in the time of Ronald Reagan, looking back at the “greatest generation” and wondering how the 80’s can ever compete with fighting the Axis as you longingly recall the time when you could tightroll your jeans and wear a pastel polo shirt. Maybe you’re a socially inept computer nerd with a Romulan fetish. I don’t know. All I am asking is that you step up your game. You’re too old for schoolyard rhetoric. > > “Facts” on the internet? Preposterous. The rule of the internets says you’re a pudgy borderline autistic nerd. Done, in the immortal word of Gordon Ramsay. > > But really, the only thing I can actually judge you on is your usage of this wonderful thing we call language. And I can only say that your usage is… poor. If this were a Japanese video game, you’d get a D rank. > > Do yourself (and all of us) a favor. Defend fatties if you must. Call **ShotFromGuns** a skank. But at least do us the service of providing entertainment, because your opinions as given by just yet another internet blowhard are a dime a dozen and forgettable. This is your chance to live forever; don’t blow it. “Tightroll my jeans…computer nerd”? BWAHAHA! I know you’re not as stupid as you’ve been coming across tonight. I’m figuring either: a.) you’re drunk, b.) you’re whooshing me, c.) your chimpanzee girlfriend got hold of your keyboard. I’m guessing you’re going to claim b.) no matter what the answer really is. ---
**Author:** ![ivn1188](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e480ec/32.png) [@ivn1188](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivn1188)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/663 "2010-03-11T08:26:41Z")
Sigh. I’m _always_ drunk. But don’t you think that it’s sad that even drunk, I can come up with better material than calling you stupid? I’m sure you’re a low-rent poor man’s Tom Selleck, complete with a magnificient cockduster, and that you go out to the bars and nail chicks way hotter than **ShotFromGuns** and **MeanOldLady** nightly. You’re disco dancing all night long, shirt off and glitter on. But seriously, all you’ve done is make claims that you’re in fact some sort of hot pseudo-hipster poonhound, while simultaneously bitching that girls who aren’t hotter than Jennifer Connelly’s and Nicole Kidman’s genetic lovechild shouldn’t be talking about fatties. I don’t know what sort of cold-war battle-of-ideologies olympic figure skating scoring system you’re going by, but I am totally winning. Even pounding the rumncokes, I’m pwning you like a rented robotic M.U.L.E. In all seriousness, you’re not being whooshed. You’re sort of like the midget who is trying to land a solid punch while I keep you at non-dwarf arm’s length with a contemptuous facepalm/stiffarm. I’m asking you to grow a set and put something out there that isn’t a lame-ass juvenile comeback. No one with a personality is buying your bullshit about “If you only knew”. I mean, for the love of Jesus H. B. Christ, I’m a superstar Perry Mason lawyer who races cars and bangs supermodels when I’m not inventing the goddamned Post-It. Only one or two of these things are true, but it’s the goddamned internet, and we’re not here to compare actual life dick size (which I would win even if we compared your length vs my girth). You are your posts. Hence, you are a sort of retarded awkward flabworm, or at best the earnest yet totally dull dude who writes letters to the editor of your local podunk paper and thinks he’s hot shit. Spare me the defense of your internet persona. Give me something interesting. All you’ve got is calling me stupid. It’s just not enough. Take your time, I’ll be waiting eagerly for a demonstration of your written beatdown skills. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/664 "2010-03-11T09:10:21Z")
What you don’t seem to understand, mon frere, is that it isn’t incumbent upon me to entertain you. In actual point of fact you’ve been wrong about every single impression you have of me and of what I’ve been saying in this thread. I never alluded to a weight problem, I merely exposed **Snot From Buns** for the plain jane she is in contrast to her claim of being “smoking hot”. I never claimed to be a disco dancing swordsman, either, a claim you may have inferred when I pointed out to **Fucker of poor innocent insect** …uh, **Sleeps With Butterflies** that I was neither as prudish nor as infirm as she likes to think. I was already an adult before Reagan ever took office, I’ve never worn “tightrolled jeans” and I’m certainly not a computer geek. But at least you admitted you were drunk, so I was wrong about something there. And now I must bid you adieu for the night. Cheers (and swallow three Excedrin before you go to bed. Take it from the disco-dancing swordsman in a pastel Polo shirt furiously coding away at his computer like Bill Gates, you’ll awaken headache free if you do). ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/665 "2010-03-11T09:28:09Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > What you don’t seem to understand, mon frere, is that it isn’t incumbent upon me to entertain you. Actually, it is, but unfortunately, you are very poor at it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/666 "2010-03-11T09:31:59Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > What you don’t seem to understand, mon frere, is that it isn’t incumbent upon me to entertain you. Actually, it is incumbent upon you to entertain me, but unfortunately, you are very poor at it. ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/667 "2010-03-11T12:06:47Z")
I vote this thread get stickied. Oh, and - I was quoted! I was quoted! **Shot From Guns** , if I said you had a nice body…would you hold it against me? (badaboom, thank you thank you I’m here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitresses) ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/668 "2010-03-11T12:32:36Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > Wow! That’s twelve seconds out of my life that I’ll never get back. And which could’ve been applied toward better endeavors, like making love to your wife three or four times! ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/669 "2010-03-11T13:14:45Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > I don’t know what sort of cold-war battle-of-ideologies olympic figure skating scoring system you’re going by, but I am totally winning. Even pounding the rumncokes, I’m pwning you like a rented robotic M.U.L.E. I loved M.U.L.E. It’s the only old C64 game I play on the emulator. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/670 "2010-03-11T13:17:49Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > ☹ > > Don’t you realize we are two peas in the very same pod? You yell at and about fatties who whine without taking personal responsibility, and I yell at and about poor people who whine without taking personal responsibility. People think you hate fatties just for being fatties, and they think I hate poor people just for being poor. > > We should join together for the greater good of humanity! We could find whiny irresponsible poor fatties and give them a double dose of dis pimpin’! [hijack] \*\*RR \*\*- why am I not surprised that you are trying to make this about you? And could you be more tone-deaf? Being poor isn’t a _bad habit_\*, you bourgeois twit. \*granted, I know that being fat isn’t exclusively due to poor habits - but this thread is speaking to that aspect of it… [/hijack] \*\*SFGuns \*\*- you’re a cool broad. Bette Davis fan? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/671 "2010-03-11T14:28:56Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > PS: **MeanOldLady** : Sorry; sometimes I have to bust out the references to Terminator. Such a meta film. I’m huge in Europe. I have seen The Terminator 11 times, and own it on DVD. Fact. > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > … **Snot From Buns** … F- ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/672 "2010-03-11T14:52:39Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > F- Yeah, but someone upthread said “Snot from Nuns” which tickled me a bit. Anyways, this thread is making me want to change my name to Nzinga, Jogging. Right now, I am Nzinga, Slumping, though. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/673 "2010-03-11T14:55:00Z")
**Snot From Buns** is making me laugh harder than it has any reasonable right to. Regards, MsWhatsit, Lounging. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/674 "2010-03-11T14:59:27Z")
I vote for **Don’t Weigh Tons**. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/675 "2010-03-11T15:03:12Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I vote for **Don’t Weigh Tons**. Combine two fixations, and you get “Tots Weighing Tons”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/676 "2010-03-11T16:03:44Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > Does self-flagellation burn a lot of calories? IIRC, according to someone upthread, only about 20. ☹ > [@buttonjockey308](#): > > I know two people who have legitimate thyroid issues that cause them to be larger, who eat under 2200 calories a day (I know because I’m with them) and with just the minimal amount of exercise (I know because I’m with them), should be able to lose weight like it’s going out of style. 1.) Thyroid issues don’t cause you to be larger. Eating more calories than your body needs causes you to be larger. Thyroid issues can just cause you to need fewer (or more) calories. 2.) You’re bragging about eating under \*2,200 \*Calories a day? Really? _Really?_ > [@tacoloco](#): > > So you pick on my login name and I’m the one reading the book about cool kid insults? 1.) \*My \*insults are clever. \*Yours \*are retarded and trying too hard. That’s the difference. 2.) Similarly, \*my \*name is awesome (I have a nutlike flavor that’s delicious!), but \*yours \*is inexplicable. > [@ivn1188](#): > > It’s sort of like if Jay and Silent Bob got sent back to help Sarah Connor, except that Jay and Silent Bob were unavailable, so they sent back Ben Stein and Keanu Reeves dressed as Jay and Silent Bob. Replace Keanu with Nicholas Cage (especially if he’s punching women) and I would totally go see that film. > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > I’ve been under the impression that you’re a lawyer, but it strains credulity that any lawyer capable of passing the bar would be capable of such immature twaddle as that which you just posted Have you \*seen \ ***Rand Rover**? > [@WordMan](#): > > Bette Davis fan? I haven’t seen a lot of her films, but \*Now, Voyager \*is a favorite of mine and she was great in it. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/677 "2010-03-11T16:09:31Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > Sorry, buddy, but Brits are fat too: [http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/obesity-uk-we-are-getting-as-fat-as-americans-401193.html](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/obesity-uk-we-are-getting-as-fat-as-americans-401193.html) Your cite shows that the British are not as fat as Americans, even if they are trending in that direction. Thank you for proving my point. **Shot From Guns** , you’re not related to [Ricky Gervaise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXTq2_3LfXM) by any chance are you? (YouTube link) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/678 "2010-03-11T16:19:53Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#): > > **Shot From Guns** , you’re not related to [Ricky Gervaise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXTq2_3LfXM) by any chance are you? (YouTube link) Can’t get to YouTube from work, unfortunately. No, not related, but I think he’s often hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/679 "2010-03-11T16:22:02Z")
His rant on fat people is similar in content to yours. …and get back to work, slacker! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465/680 "2010-03-11T16:37:08Z")
[QUOTE=Ricky G, who I love] They eat too much, that’s what does it. Simple science. But they complain, don’t they, fat people? They complain about the situation. They go, “(Eating noises and groaning) I’m fat. (Groan) Aeroplane seats, they’re not big enough for someone like me.” No, they’re not, ‘cause if they were, we’d only get 12 fucking people on the plane. Unbelievable. “It’s not fair.” It is fair, that’s what happens. [/QUOTE] Among other funny shit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heeeeeeeeey-fatties/531465.md?page=35)