# Helen Keller jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2018, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748 "2018-05-07T12:48:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/21 "2018-05-07T19:45:58Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her when she was bad? > > Left the plunger in the toilet. Until she wound up marrying the plunger. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/22 "2018-05-07T20:04:33Z")
These are the ultimate in tasteless jokes, which I learned when I was a kid as well. We also had a whole slew of _Little Timmy_ jokes. \*A: Mrs. Johnson, can Little Timmy come out and play baseball? B: You know that Timmy has no arms and legs. A: Yes maam, but we need a 3rd base. A: Mrs. Johnson, can Little Timmy come out and play? B: You know that Timmy has no arms and legs. A: Yes maam, we just wanted to put him on the hot sidewalk and watch him flop around. \* ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/23 "2018-05-07T20:11:55Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > These are the ultimate in tasteless jokes, which I learned when I was a kid as well. > > We also had a whole slew of _Little Timmy_ jokes. > > \*A: Mrs. Johnson, can Little Timmy come out and play baseball? > > B: You know that Timmy has no arms and legs. > > A: Yes maam, but we need a 3rd base. > A: Mrs. Johnson, can Little Timmy come out and play? > > B: You know that Timmy has no arms and legs. > > A: Yes maam, we just wanted to put him on the hot sidewalk and watch him flop around. > \* My mom was a paraplegic from polio. Guess where I first heard quadriplegic jokes from? What do you call a quadriplegic on the porch? Matt What do you call a quadriplegic nailed to the wall? Art What do you call a quadriplegic in the pool? Bob What do you call a quadriplegic in a hole? Phil ---
**Author:** ![CurtC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce73a5/32.png) [@CurtC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurtC)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/24 "2018-05-07T21:04:18Z")
What did the parents name the boy who had no lower legs? Neel What did the parents name the girl with no lower leg on one side? Eileen ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/25 "2018-05-07T21:10:09Z")
And of course the Japanese girl with one leg was named Irene. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/26 "2018-05-07T21:55:26Z")
Why was Helen Keller a virgin? Her parents could get her a seeing eye dog and a hearing ear dog, but not a fucking cunt dog. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/27 "2018-05-07T22:06:30Z")
How come HK didn’t skydive? It terrified her dog. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/28 "2018-05-07T22:09:39Z")
What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/29 "2018-05-07T22:11:28Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Why was Helen Keller a virgin? > > Her parents could get her a seeing eye dog and a hearing ear dog, but not a fucking cunt dog. I’ve got internet searches that prove this wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2018, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/30 "2018-05-07T22:17:36Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > How come HK didn’t skydive? > > It terrified her dog. Brought back memories of Dean Potter abusing his poor little dog! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/AGWiZLy0YuI/maxresdefault.jpg "Dean Potter BASE Jumps With His Dog | National Geographic") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGWiZLy0YuI) ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/31 "2018-05-08T00:38:45Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > My granddaughter had just recently read a library book about Helen Keller, so she knew who I was talking about, but she didn’t think the joke was very funny, nor did she laugh at the next few I rattled off. I’m with your grand-daughter. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/32 "2018-05-08T00:54:43Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > Famously? I did a Google search and the first two hits were two other times you mentioned that on this board but no hits confirming it. You mentioned in one post that you read it in a book. It may have been in a book, but the story is hardly a famous one. Do you remember which book? Go easy on her, she had to type that with half the hands Helen Keller had. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/33 "2018-05-08T15:39:49Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her when she was bad? > > Left the plunger in the toilet. The version I knew: They rearranged the furniture. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/34 "2018-05-08T15:43:14Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > I’m with your grand-daughter. Maybe she needs some dead baby jokes instead. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/35 "2018-05-08T16:04:22Z")
What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the mountain top? Nothing, she was wearing mittens. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Bullet\_Traffic\_Control](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3da27b/32.png) [@Jake\_Bullet\_Traffic\_Control](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Bullet_Traffic_Control)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/36 "2018-05-08T16:41:58Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > Why did Helen Keller lose her heavyweight challenge to Mike Tyson? > > Fucking judges. Best one so far 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/37 "2018-05-08T18:05:40Z")
I don’t have another HK joke, but this thread reminded me of the boss at my first real job. She had a wicked and irreverent sense of humor, and referred to the Marketing department as “the Helen Keller Marching Band.” ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2018, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748/38 "2018-05-08T18:21:24Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > Famously? I did a Google search and the first two hits were two other times you mentioned that on this board but no hits confirming it. You mentioned in one post that you read it in a book. It may have been in a book, but the story is hardly a famous one. Do you remember which book? Claimed in [this people weekly article](http://people.com/archive/cover-story-saturday-night-live-vol-32-no-13/)from 1989. Don’t know if this would be considered a reliable cite. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helen-keller-jokes/813748.md?page=1)