# Hell is... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063 "2008-12-13T23:17:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/1 "2008-12-13T23:17:24Z")
Okay, the idea of this thread is for it to be fairly light hearted, so the answer to the title question is not “the place where the screaming never stops”. Describe your idea of hell, what would make it the place you’d like to least spend eternity in? Pratchett did a good piece in Eric about how in hell the only books to read are murder mysteries and the last page where you find out who did it is always ripped out. 😃 My nominations: [ul] [li]The only things to eat are raisins, asparagus, brussell sprouts and spam.[/li][li]There’s loads of porn but it’s all girl on girl action.[/li][li]57 TV channels of reality TV shows and re-runs of 60s and 70s British sit coms.[/li][li]I’m forced to go to church every day (ironic considering this is hell I know, but…)[/li][li]There’s an internet connection but it’s the slowest 28kbps modem you’ve ever used so one page of the dope takes about an hour to load (in the style of Tantalus)[/li][li]The only books are biographies of professional sports people.[/li][li]There are nightclubs and they all play disco music, 70s cheese and 400bpm techno music.[/li][li]Everyone speaks German.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![ViktorWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c68b51/32.png) [@ViktorWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ViktorWolf)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/2 "2008-12-13T23:22:01Z")
Hell for me is Nonexistence. I would rather burn forever than cease to exist. And since I do speak German your version of Hell doesn’t sound _that_ bad, Primus. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/3 "2008-12-13T23:23:26Z")
> [@ViktorWolf](#): > > Hell for me is Nonexistence. > > I would rather burn forever than cease to exist. But there’d be no you to notice it :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/4 "2008-12-13T23:25:24Z")
Oh two posts and it’s already serious! I said keep it light hearted people. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/5 "2008-12-13T23:27:50Z")
OK. Hell is being caught in the audience of an Evangelist. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/6 "2008-12-13T23:29:05Z")
Hell is being a cocktail waitress on a Disney cruise. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/7 "2008-12-13T23:29:40Z")
Let’s see: Everywhere I look there are pictures of Miley Cyrus (I can’t help it. Her face bugs me). All the music is by Foreigner and Celine Dion and it’s on a badly tuned radio. Everyone is wearing heavy perfume. Raisins in mint sauce. I’m sharing a room with Fred Phelps. There is strobe lighting. Bleargh. I made myself all queasy. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/8 "2008-12-13T23:35:27Z")
A few years ago, I took an economics class at the local community college. One class, my professor launched into the exact same lecture he had given in the previous class, complete with the same jokes. This went on for about ten minutes, before he realized he’d already told us all of this stuff. Hell is…being forced to listen to the same economics lecture over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/9 "2008-12-13T23:35:59Z")
Lions football. Every channel, all the time. The women are insanely sexy but only interested in Freepers. No water. Zima. Nothing to eat but chitterlings. Musical acts in Hell: Billy Ray Cyrus, Wings, Ashlee Simpson. Plenty of books in Hell. All written by YouTube commentators… _sic_! Everyone uses the bidet. It’s mandatory. And remember… no water. Zima. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/10 "2008-12-13T23:41:06Z")
Hot chicks with really, _really_ bad breath. ---
**Author:** ![ViktorWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c68b51/32.png) [@ViktorWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ViktorWolf)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/11 "2008-12-14T00:02:24Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > Plenty of books in Hell. All written by YouTube commentators… _sic_! Holy hell, that’s terrible! ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/12 "2008-12-14T00:27:10Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > [ul] > [li]There’s loads of porn but it’s all girl on girl action.[/li][li]57 TV channels of reality TV shows and re-runs of 60s and 70s British sit coms.[/li][li]There’s an internet connection but it’s the slowest 28kbps modem you’ve ever used so one page of the dope takes about an hour to load (in the style of Tantalus)[/li][li]There are nightclubs and they all play disco music, 70s cheese and 400bpm techno music.[/li][/ul] I could survive this particular hell. My Hell would have: [ul] [li]Daytime and Australian soap operas on TV all day[/li][li]Thrash Metal music everywhere[/li][li]Stupid, fundamentalist Christian, right-wing, politicians yabbering in my ear[/li][li]Vegetarian, or worse, Vegan food[/li][li]A constant throbbing deep bass _doof_ _doof_ vibrating through my head[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![J-P\_L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/j-p_l/32/3156_2.png) [@J-P\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J-P_L)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/13 "2008-12-14T00:34:36Z")
My idea of Hell is : Whenever I’m trying to accomplish a nearly impossible task, let’s say for purpose of an example, open one of those damm srink wrap package, I tell myself, “I hope whoever invented this is condemm to do this for eternity” ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/14 "2008-12-14T01:51:58Z")
I would think being caged for all eternity would be hell for me. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/15 "2008-12-14T02:00:57Z")
…the Land of Mushrooms and Tomatoes. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/16 "2008-12-14T02:01:18Z")
Being sober and everyone else drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/17 "2008-12-14T02:49:04Z")
Hell is the world we create for ourselves, when we are not who we are meant to be. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/18 "2008-12-14T02:57:46Z")
> [@J-P\_L](#): > > My idea of Hell is : > > Whenever I’m trying to accomplish a nearly impossible task, let’s say for purpose of an example, open one of those damm srink wrap package, I tell myself, “I hope whoever invented this is condemm to do this for eternity” No shit! I will probably end up cutting off something really important someday trying to open one of those God damn packages. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/19 "2008-12-14T02:59:41Z")
Being in a PhD program, and always being this close to finishing your dissertation, but never quite getting there. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063/20 "2008-12-14T02:59:49Z")
…the _fanboy/girl_ screaming never shuts up. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hell-is/477063.md?page=2)