# Hellblazer - The Movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267 "2003-05-24T19:32:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/1 "2003-05-24T19:32:06Z")
It’s been announced, it will be called **Constantine**. Great, in principle, except **Keanu Reeves** will be playing the lead. Goddamnit, _Keanu Reeves_???!?. Man, **Dennis Leary** would have been better… hell, **Mickey Rourke** would have been better. I’ll probably still go to see it (coming soon in a Pit thread - Summer 2004). [Here’s](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0360486) a link. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/2 "2003-05-24T19:36:22Z")
1. The character is supposed to be British 2. John Constantine does not look like he _ever_ surfed 3. He also isn’t brain damaged, _dude_. More stellar casting. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/3 "2003-05-24T19:44:18Z")
What, were Sting, Billy Idol and Tony Head all unavailable? ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/4 "2003-05-24T20:14:41Z")
Yeah… now that I think of it, Gary Oldman should have been the choice. Sting as John Constantine?.. eeeeeeeewww. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/5 "2003-05-24T20:32:25Z")
AUUUUUGHHH! That’s just sick. Keanu Reeves as John Constantine is just sick. **vl\_mungo** , have you seen _Brimstone and Treacle_? Sting’s character in that makes me think he could do a decent John Constantine. Surely better than KEANU FUCKING REEVES! Still, Gary Oldman would have been the best choice, probably. Godammit, now I’ll be grumpy for the rest of the day. I wonder if they’re going to do the “Dangerous Habits” storyline… probably not. They’ll probably have Constantine wear fucking lederhosen. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/6 "2003-05-24T21:38:53Z")
Tny Head is a skosh older(though extremely sexy and you can send him to me) than I see Constantine. Oldman is too old. The best I have thought of is a very disheveled and scruffy Jude Law, which is age appropriate casting and also looks wise depending on the artist. River Phoenix would be perfect if he was alive. Though I want a real Brit playing Constantine. No Americans plodding through a half assed accent. Okay… maybe James Marsters, but… even then… it’s cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/7 "2003-05-24T22:03:01Z")
It’s set in Los Angeles, **Mockingbird** , so it appears that it’s even worse than Keanu attempting a “half assed accent:” They’re making Constantine an _American!_ ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/8 "2003-05-24T22:11:31Z")
He probably won’t smoke either. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hellblazer-the-movie/177267/9 "2003-05-25T03:04:23Z")
Look at John Constantine’s first appearances in _Swamp Thing_; clearly, the artist (John Totleben) had Sting (circa 1985 with lots of hair) in mind. The bayou skiff he was navigating was even called “The Honorable (?) Gordon Sumner.” Constantine is supposed to be well into his 40s. Tony Head and Gary Oldman aren’t that far out of the ballpark.