# "Hello, are you Jewish?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 9, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351 "2001-04-09T14:07:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/41 "2001-04-10T16:32:34Z")
Quoth **GilaB** : > [@](#): > > Personally, I think that it can’t hurt; it’s not like they’re going to send you spam because they got you to light a menorah or eat matzah or whatever. I think we can rest assured that these folks are the last people who would ever think of sending anyone SPAM ;j. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/42 "2001-04-10T22:25:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > \*\*Nothing, I suppose, in and of itself. > > But if the **Baptist Brougham** came tooling down my street, playing hymns over a loudspeaker and handing out glazed doughnuts and filled with Robert Mitchum lookalikes in shovel-brim hats exhorting people on the street to be more Baptisty, I would be filled with a _homicidal rage._ > > The fact that it doesn’t bother me as much when Hasidim do it makes me worry that I have a patronizing attitude toward our Israelite brethren. Why don’t I despise them on an equal footing? > > On the other hand, I LOVE the idea of the \*\*Taoist Duesenberg! \*\* I only wish I were joking. But I have here, right in front of me, a letter from the local Baptist church, which reads, in part: > [@](#): > > In the next few weeks, our church will be participating in a community prayer-walk. We will be walking the streets of our area, praying for the community as a whole and each family. If you see a group of people some Saturday morning walk down your street, please take heart we are praying that God’s blessings will be poured-out upon the families in our neighborhood. All I can say is that they’d BETTER not ring my doorbell, or disturb my sleep. Or they’re gonna learn brand new words and phrases, the likes of which I should not post outside of the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/43 "2001-04-11T03:34:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Markxxx \* > Some Orthadox do not consider Reform Jews to be Jews You are failing to distinguish between considering Reform Jews to be Jews, and considering Reform Judaism to be a form of Judaism. Something to consider. An atheist can be a Jew. They are not practicing Judaism. Judaism, like any religion, cannot be arbitrarily defined by whatever criteria anyone choses. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/44 "2001-04-11T06:01:47Z")
Eve, this is easy. You’re Jewish because A) you’re from New York City and B) you work in the movie business. So obviously you’re Jewish. And so is Spike Lee. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/45 "2001-04-11T13:17:53Z")
Oh, you forgot, Nemo—I also control the media. And every so often when I’m feeling peckish, I take the train uptown and suck black peoples’ blood. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/46 "2001-04-11T14:29:13Z")
I hope you saved some of that blood for me, **Eve** …I need to whip up another batch of Passover matzoh. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/47 "2001-04-11T14:34:07Z")
Wait a sec…I have never understood the whole “Jews control everything” idea. I mean, wouldn’t Israel be the world’s largest creditor nation if that were so? And wouldn’t the International Jewish Conspiracy[sup]TM[/sup] have been able to prevent minor inconveniences like the Holocaust? As far as loony prejudices go, anti-Semitism is one of the looniest. On the other hand, it would be fun to see Eve bouncing on heaps of gold coins in a bank vault like Scrooge McDuck. Hold on…Scrooge McDuck is a Scot…and what religious group came from Scotland?..The PRESBYTERIANS! What denomination is Bill Gates? PRESBYTERIAN! The Jews have just been fall guys for the International Presbyterian Conspiracy[sup]TM[/sup] all this time! Damn that John Knox! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/48 "2001-04-11T15:28:13Z")
“On the other hand, it would be fun to see Eve bouncing on heaps of gold coins in a bank vault like Scrooge McDuck.” —Naw . . . I tend to roll around in a bed full of gold coins, like Trina in “Greed.” ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/49 "2001-04-11T17:50:23Z")
There is a brilliantly written Staff Report on this topic: [Can you be an atheist and still be Jewish?](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mjewish.html) Basically, the answer to the question “Is Eve Jewish?” depends on who’s doing the asking and why, and who’s doing the answering. To the extent that Judaism is a people, then being born Jewish means you are always Jewish, just as being born Irish or Italian or Japanese means you are always such. The Mitzvah Van tries to find people who were born Jewish but do not practice active Judaism, and get them to do more. To the extent that Judaism is a religion, then you can convert into it or convert out of it. Failure to actively/formally convert out usually means that you are still in, regardless of beliefs or practice. However, as noted, it depends on who’s asking and who’s answering. The Nazis defined you as Jewish if you had one Jewish grandparent, even if that grandparent had converted and you were third generation Christian. ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/50 "2001-04-11T18:19:03Z")
Here’s a fun one, that I posted on awhile back. My mother was adopted in 1946. Her adoptive parents were told she was Irish/Italian…just like them, amazingly enough! But last year’s adoption search revealed that her birth mother was Jewish. My mother was raised in small town Illinois. I grew up on a farm, raised as protestant, corn-fed white girl. Even learned (and subsequently UNLEARNED) a hefty dose of xenophobia including anti-semitism from my ultra-conservative farm family. Now I do research and find out that I am, by certain definitions, Jewish. I don’t FEEL Jewish. And as I said in my post on the topic, it’s not every day you go to bed Irish and wake up Jewish. Weird experience. Trying to learn some Jewish culture so that I can feel connected with that part of my heritage. -L ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/51 "2001-04-11T20:47:56Z")
**xtnjohnson** said: > [@](#): > > Wait, this is the Mitzvah Tank, right? The one filled with obnoxious, proselytizing idiots, right? Wow! I don’t know y’all had these too (she says as she throws out yet another copy of The Watchtower) … Somehow, I strangely feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351/52 "2001-04-13T05:05:32Z")
> [@](#): > > I like the Mitzvah Tanks—mostly because they play klezmer music, which I adore. Taliban Vans—love it! Buddhist Busses? Atheist Accuras? Taoist Trucks? And don’t forget the Catholics driving around in their Papal Fiats. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-are-you-jewish/61351.md?page=2)