# Hello. I am: **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130 "2004-09-20T13:52:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/1 "2004-09-20T13:52:32Z")
Ovulating Lactating Completely Hammered Grossly Underpaid Off Strategy Hitting On You Into Watching Your Ride Home This space intentionally left blank. For rent. Hello I’m. Upside down. (obviously, this gag relies heavily on placement) Off my medication Any more “Hello I am” sticker replies we can come up with? ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/2 "2004-09-20T13:57:14Z")
Jack’s loathing of the modern industrial military complex. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/3 "2004-09-20T17:59:15Z")
Hello, I am: [ul] [li]Bored[/li][li]Your worst nightmare[/li][li]Every woman[/li][li]Onto you[/li][li]Not at all what you’d expect[/li][li]Available[/li][li]Cheap[/li][li]Not listening to you[/li][li]About to scream[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Anaxagoras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b77776/32.png) [@Anaxagoras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaxagoras)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/4 "2004-09-20T18:02:09Z")
Flatulent ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/5 "2004-09-20T18:03:42Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > Jack’s loathing of the modern industrial military complex. Damn, beaten to it. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/6 "2004-09-20T18:07:29Z")
- None of your business - Looking for a better party - A Cuckold - An illusion - Ignoring you - In my happy place - On the prowl - Offended - Afraid. Very afraid. - Slightly askew (name tag must be a bit crooked. Or not.) - A figment of your imagination ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/7 "2004-09-20T18:57:07Z")
Hello I am: Wearing no pants. Not here, you did not see me, OK. not a number, I am a free man. Be seeing you. your new sex toy. ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/8 "2004-09-20T19:50:57Z")
Two that I wanted for the wedding/party the night before the wedding: -Not here with anybody -Not actually gay, thanks! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/9 "2004-09-20T19:51:39Z")
the one your mother warned you about. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/10 "2004-09-20T20:25:01Z")
- either a excellent example or a horrible warning. You pick. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/11 "2004-09-20T20:38:19Z")
[ul] [li]Your worst nightmare[/li][li]Lost[/li][li]Here by mistake[/li][li]Out of my mind[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/12 "2004-09-20T20:42:02Z")
–Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute. –The Preside…ooh! Shiny! –Inigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die. –Desperately in need. –I am, I am Superman. –King Kong and I’m 10 feet long. –an emmisary from Vampire Nation. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/13 "2004-09-20T20:47:20Z")
… a rock. … what I am. … 16 going on 17. … the very model of a modern Major-General, I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical from Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical. but you’d probably have trouble fitting that last one on a button. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/14 "2004-09-20T20:56:51Z")
I am… that I am. Tell Pharoah that “I am” sent you. (Later: Pharoah says, “Why does a bag of cat food give a damn about the Hebrews?”) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/15 "2004-09-20T21:21:21Z")
“…I said.” ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/16 "2004-09-20T21:26:54Z")
Hello I am. Are you? Hello I am actually staring at your boobs. Hello I am multiply orgasmic. Hello I am a character from your next wet dream. ---
**Author:** ![iwakura43](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de0a6/32.png) [@iwakura43](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iwakura43)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/17 "2004-09-20T21:31:44Z")
Hungry. Where’s the food? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/18 "2004-09-20T21:58:31Z")
I think, therefore, I am. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/19 "2004-09-20T22:00:15Z")
Hello. I am… …not here. Leave a message. BEEP! …saying hello. Why do you say goodbye? …closer than I appear. …going. …burning your dog. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/20 "2004-09-20T23:50:18Z")
- Under new management - All that - Not the droids you’re looking for. - 2-ply. - armed. - With stupid. - Juror #12 - Overcompensating. - Your cruise director. - Stuck in the 80s - Under indictment - Misguided - Breaded. - 92% complete. - Union made \* Not listening to you. \* Really a woman. \* Embellished. \* “They” \* Some random guy. \* An escaped felon. \* Liberace’s love child. \* Not an animal. \* The evil twin. \* The Russian judge. \* Late. (better if worn by a female. Even better if worn by a pregnant female) \* Filthy stinking rich. \* In my prime. \* Sleeping. \* Recently deceased. \* Not Dabney Coleman. \* Anal. (better if typed) \* A big fan of yours. \* Full of it. \* Hardly original. \* No longer contagious. \* New to this planet. \* Tetrahydrocannabinol. \* An artist’s rendition. \* ISO 9006 compliant. \* Anonymous. \* Vaguely familiar I’m going to have a party and give everyone a nametag. Keep 'em coming! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130.md?page=2)