# Hello. I am: **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 20, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130 "2004-09-20T13:52:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/21 "2004-09-21T00:06:20Z")
\*…honest to God not all that interested in your boobs, or boobs in general for that matter. I mean, when you think about it, your boobs aren’t much more than hanging sacks of fat with tissue for producing milk. While breasts are to some degree inherantly desirable, most of the western world’s fixation on them is caused by sociatal conditioning which teaches us that… (nametag 1 of 7) \*doing your job in India \*his friend Jesus \*a crazy psycho \*_vuliercangobe desamriuxus_ \*born to be wild \*light of the world \*not a crazy psycho, honest! \*Darkwing Duck \*in ketosis \*Tycho (“Brahe”, not “from Penny Arcade”) \*Tycho (“from Penny Arcade”, not “Brahe”) \*sexually fixated on your spleen ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/22 "2004-09-21T00:26:35Z")
[ul] [li]99-144/100% pure[/li][li]It’s me[/li][li]Hi, Opal![/li][/ul] (Note: Bonus points if anyone gets the reference in the second item. Hint: There is no “I am” in front of it.) Robin ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/23 "2004-09-21T00:41:03Z")
[ul] [li]Telling you now.[/li][li]Telling you for the last time.[/li][li]Not Opal.[/li][li]Here.[/li][li]In the Witness Protection Plan.[/li][li]Standing right in front of you.[/li][li]Ready to learn.[/li][li]Mostly harmless.[/li][li]The one you’ve been looking for.[/li][li]Not drunk yet.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/24 "2004-09-21T00:44:05Z")
Menopausal ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/25 "2004-09-21T00:57:39Z")
[ul] [li]a problem[/li][li]discontent[/li][li]on work release[/li][li]Under Pressure[/li][li]Dangerous When Wet[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/26 "2004-09-21T01:05:34Z")
[ul] [li]Slippery when wet.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/27 "2004-09-21T01:09:43Z")
A banana! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/28 "2004-09-21T01:10:05Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > [ul] > [li]99-144/100% pure[/li][li]It’s me[/li][li]Hi, Opal![/li][/ul] > > (Note: Bonus points if anyone gets the reference in the second item. Hint: There is no “I am” in front of it.) > > Robin Todd Rundgren? And one more submission… Hello, I am: Masturbating like a motherfuck. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/29 "2004-09-21T01:48:01Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > Todd Rundgren? > And one more submission… > Hello, I am: Masturbating like a motherfuck. Yup. I need less obvious cryptic references. Robin ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/30 "2004-09-21T01:48:22Z")
Set you up the Bomb. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/31 "2004-09-21T01:51:49Z")
[ul][li]you in ten years, poor fella[/li][li]sleepwalking my way through my life[/li][li]abusing Opal (well, ain’t I?)[/li][li]preoccupied, but being nice about it[/li][li]listening to the voices in my head[/li][li]reading your breas… NAMETAG! READING YOUR NAMETAG![/li][li]Ambiguously straight[/li][li]out of ideas[/li][li]really this corny; don’t feed me any straight lines.[/li][li]talking in buzzwords. It’s like Pentacostalism, but for business.[/li][li]on the take[/li]blissed out on life, man[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/32 "2004-09-21T06:20:17Z")
Your server tonight Mr. Ed Certain you forgot to zip Subtle as a hand grenade in a bowl of oatmeal ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/33 "2004-09-21T08:43:40Z")
- Britney Spears next husband - Here today, gone tomorrow - Still in the closet - Hung like a bull moose - Circumcised - Under new management - Shy (Did I just say that?) - Finally sober - On drugs - Picturing you naked - My brother’s keeper - The God of hell fire - A girl watcher - Sailing away - At your service - Into Amway - Trying to remember your name - Selling subscriptions - Mortified - Your guardian angel - Harpo (HONK) - Glowing - Not welcome here ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/34 "2004-09-21T09:02:37Z")
Hello. I am… A geezer, are you a geezette? Bipolar. I’m Santa Claus’s “down under” brother. Going to a _REAL_ party. Wanna come? Waiting for Godot. Getting my loan at Ditech. Buried in work. Wearing my new tinfoil hat. Drooling. Somewhere out there. Riding high. An alcoholic…I’m hiding rye. All wet. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/35 "2004-09-21T11:38:49Z")
> [@ccwaterback](#): > > - The God of hell fire HAR!!! I heard this for the first time in YEARS yesterday morning on my commute to work. Now I understand why. Too funny… ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/36 "2004-09-21T14:40:36Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > - Anal. (better if typed) > > I’m going to have a party and give everyone a nametag. Keep 'em coming! :dubious: Do people get to pick which one they wear, or go for a second try? 'cause that’d suck. Unless you’re, you know, anal. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/37 "2004-09-21T15:03:22Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > :dubious: > Do people get to pick which one they wear, or go for a second try? 'cause that’d suck. Unless you’re, you know, anal. Hrmmm. Good question. I was thinking a “Pick-a-card” type draw, but I could lay them all out on a table and let people select their own. It would be a good punishment for the fashionabley late crowd. All the good ones would be taken. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/38 "2004-09-21T16:51:11Z")
- Better than I look - Pooping my pants - Thinking of better days - A nut job - Your real father - Sick of this shit - On parole - Surrounded by assholes - Contagious - Wired for sound - Your daddy - Looking to hookup - On the FBI’s most wanted list - Dylsicex - A closet homophobe - Confrontational - Prone to be violent - A big waste of time - Stalking you - Casing your house ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/39 "2004-09-21T18:53:55Z")
- not interested in small talk. Let’s just fuck like bunny rabbits, and decide if we want to get to know each other afterwards. - in need of a hug. - turned on by people wearing stickers. - fantasizing about you. - currently using a DH18"IBJD ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130/40 "2004-09-21T19:00:11Z")
Hello. I am… …the walrus …not amused …he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. …bored.com [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-i-am/265130.md?page=3)