# Hello?! I'm NOT gay! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407 "2003-12-22T03:57:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/61 "2003-12-23T00:40:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*Not, one would hope, hers. \*\* Oh, dear–the perils of being Bruce. :eek: On a different subject, if straight men don’t dance, how can we rub our [erection](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=230560) all over cute women? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/62 "2003-12-23T01:08:25Z")
Chaste, eh? Yep. Dream Big. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/63 "2003-12-23T01:25:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JRDelirious \* > \*\* > > But **John Carter of Mars** does indirectly raise a point that has been gnawing at me with all this recent whatfor about > “metrosexuality” and whatever – indeed when DID having refined tastes and sensibilities become a “gay” thing? > > [rant] …snip…[/rant] \*\* Yeah! And I ain’t no 007 by any stretch of the imagination. btw, I think it’s funny that I forgot to mention (and no one else has yet asked) one very important thing: Gay men never think I’m gay. Or, if they do, they never say anything about it. ftr, I don’t know many gay people irl, just some aquaintances. None of that cliche “Some of my best friends are Gay…” Around here, we all seem to hang out in a different crowd. Still, what gay men and women I do know, they don’t question my sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/64 "2003-12-23T01:57:22Z")
Yeah, **NCB** , I bet you’re gonna tell us all about your girlfriend who lives in Canada. Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver, she cooks like your mother and she sucks like a hoover. [😉](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000BZK1R/qid%3D1072144693/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/104-9139701-3701507) ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/65 "2003-12-23T03:11:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*If when talking to a very attractive woman you think things such as, “I wonder what type of hair care products she uses”, or the even worse, “That bitch just needs to tone down her make-up cause she is lookin like something done by Jackson Pollock!”, you are gay. If you are thinking, “mmmm, titties” you are not gay. > > Life is very simple. \*\* Oh _damn_. You could’ve saved me a fortune in therapist bills, TLR! Where were you two years ago?! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/66 "2003-12-23T03:21:35Z")
No one said there was problem with refined tastes and the person who slammed dancing was probably just joking. Cooking is also a great way to impress the ladies and the next time I hear someone say it’s not manly, I’ll smack them with a sast iron skillet. With that being said, I must comment that the whole “being a guy who really cares about how a girl actually feels” idea is screwed up. Women already have guys for that, the gay ones. Does anyone think she needs gay guys, other women **and** straight guys to listen to her problems? She really wore that bra which makes her breasts looks bigger so you two can discuss the emotional impact of past relationships and how chomamile tea helps sooth the pain. Sure, don’t be an asshole and ignore how she feels but when listening to her complaints, try to angle it toward tappin that ass. Otherwise you end up being the “friend” who gets no sex but has to listen to the 3am phone calls about why the guy she was having sex with dumped her. I’m going to write a book called _The Non-metrosexual Man_. Rules: **1)** You are only allowed to cry if your dog dies or when…well, nothing else. No blubbering either. **2)** Being on the phone with another guy longer than 5 minutes is not allowed. Longer than 5 minutes enters the gay phase. **3)** Breasts were put in the front for a reason, mainly so you can stare at them. If you were not supposed to, they would be on her back. It was God’s message, “stare at these nice things I made”. **4)** Any emotional outpourings should be proceeded by large amount of alcohol which does not come from girlie mixed drinks. You either shoot whiskey or you drink beer before doing this. Again, said outpourings of emotion should be geared toward tappin that ass. **5)** To be added as needed. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/67 "2003-12-23T03:26:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*…tappin that ass… \*\* I don’t know why, but this phrase makes me giggle. Images of Vermont mountain men (domestic partners, perhaps?) tapping trees for sap dance in my head. ---
**Author:** ![BooksWoods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@BooksWoods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BooksWoods)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/68 "2003-12-23T03:27:07Z")
> [@](#): > > But, goodness, just because I’m not with a girl everytime I go out, does that mean I’m gay? I believed you until this “goodness” line. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/69 "2003-12-23T04:21:21Z")
He dances? As in two stepping & waltzing? ~melts~ ~J ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/70 "2003-12-23T05:50:01Z")
**NoClueBoy** - I, for one, always knew you were straight. (Wait - you’re almost 41? See, I’m almost 40, and…) Oh, sorry. Carry on, then! ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/71 "2003-12-23T07:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*What about Bruce Campbell? \*\* I thought I could refute this one as well. I was going by memories of “Jack of All Trades”. Lace collars and wigs and such, y’know. [This](http://www.comicsutra.com/cs/tv2000/jack_trades/jack-sword.jpg) is what I could come up with 20 pages into a Google image search. I concede the point. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/72 "2003-12-23T07:32:03Z")
If I can find anyone to jive with I’ll be happy. I’ve been mistaken for lesbian before… when I had short hair I’d get called sir all the time! Of course it doesn’t help I’m 6’1, prefer jeans and no makeup and in general not very ‘girly’ clothes. One thing I learned is not to wear a spaghetti tank and a dragon top to the bar… especially when I have short hair. I can never pick up a guy and the girls avoid me. This is why I don’t cut my hair too often. I can never figure out a decent cut that looks good and feminine on me… at least with long hair people don’t mistake me for a guy which is the worst (I don’t mine being mistaken for lesbian. I’m open to new encounters!) ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/73 "2003-12-23T07:48:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JRDelirious \* > \*\*The big deal being, of course, the apparent urgent need of a large segment of the population to quickly categorize the sexuality of those they see around them. Like, what is it to them, anyway? \*\* Well when 2 people meet in public and they are attracted to each other, they tend to flirt. So it helps to be able to tell if the person you are about to flirt with is interested in your gender. Not long ago I was in a restaurant (not alone) and I forget if the waiter put his hand on the back of my chair or on my shoulder :eek:. I think maybe he was coming on to me but my body language was practically screaming “straight!” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*I must comment that the whole “being a guy who really cares about how a girl actually feels” idea is screwed up. \*\* :eek: Am I screwed up if I am a straight man who cares what a woman feels? Nah, I make no apology for who I am. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/74 "2003-12-23T08:00:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cityboy916 \* > \*\* > :eek: Am I screwed up if I am a straight man who cares what a woman feels? Nah, I make no apology for who I am. 🙂 \*\* Did I say it was a problem if you care what a woman feels? No. I care what they feel, mainly that it’s my penis. I mentioned caring **how** they feel. Now, before someone says some shit like, “Well I care how women feel and women like that and blah blah blah, let me go get my perm now”, good for you. If being Mr. Sensitive helps you to tap that ass, more power to you. If you are Mr. Sensitive and are wondering why women seem to always pass you up to go play with the naughty boys, then reread my post. ---
**Author:** ![SeekingTruth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@SeekingTruth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeekingTruth)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/75 "2003-12-23T09:24:28Z")
I can’t beleive James Bond was brought up. He’s fictional!! I can sit here and write the most caring, sensitive, warm and fuzzy character you’d ever want to beat the shit out of. But I’m too concerned with the NFL playoffs coming up. One other thing that was bothering me. When you’re 41 and trying to convince your straightness, don’t use the word “titties”. Only 17-year old dropouts and lonely underpass-dwellers should use this word. The proper terms are: jugs, hooters, knockers, bazoombas, headlights, pillows, swollen bumps, dry udders, female nuts, sunshade, hoo-haa’s, and yowza’s. Get it right next time! ---
**Author:** ![Harlow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Harlow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harlow)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/76 "2003-12-23T14:42:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jervoise \* > \*\* > … and I can’t even eat out with a female friend \*\* Hmmm? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/77 "2003-12-23T14:53:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SeekingTruth \* > \*\* > > … lots of stuff about women’s breasts… > > Get it right next time! \*\* Now, now… Let’s not forget how juevenile I am, too. _ah, yes… the dichotomy of the boy with no clue. Claiming to be both sophisticated and immature, religious and rational, right and left handed…_ ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/78 "2003-12-23T15:10:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RickJay \* > \*\*Straight men sure as hell dance if they want to score. The only better way to impress the women is to actually be in the band. So if you can’t sing or play guitar, dancing’s your next best bet. \*\* I agree completely ! Dancing is sexy. Yes, it can be dorky, but what makes it dorky is the self-conscious “I’m going to look like a dork anyway so I might as well dance like a dork” dance that so many straight men do. The “hey the music is great and I’m feelin’ groovy and I’d rather have fun than worry about what people think about me” dance is irresistable to me. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/79 "2003-12-23T15:19:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JRDelirious \* > \*\ ***CanvasShoes** : Well, once _I_ realize _anything_ is “a skill, requiring coordination and physical strength,” I have to decide if learning it will be worth the extreme aggravation… to the instructors 😉 And let’s not knock freestyle rock – any style in which there is no way to gauge if I’m dancing well or not, will earn my favour. > \*\* Poor choice of words on my part, sorry! ☹ Freestyle rocknroll, is fun, and in some ways, more difficult than structured dances. It does take some talent to think of more to do when freestyling than just shaking your butt. What I was trying to convey was that for many men, when they think of “dancing” that’s ALL they think of, and they “think” they can’t do it, or can’t look “cool” doing it. So instead of realizing that it’s a skillset that can be learned, they simply diss it as “lame” or “dorky” in order to save face. I’m a good dancer, both technically and in natural ability, but my boyfriend, who claims he couldn’t dance when he first started, just blows EVERYONE out of the water. So men are JUST as capable, if not more than women in many cases, it’s just that for many of them, they allow that macho image to hold them back. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/80 "2003-12-23T15:26:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jaade \* > \*\*He dances? > > As in two stepping & waltzing? > > ~melts~ > > ~J \*\* You talking to me? (Well, I’m the only one that’s mentioned her boyfriend dances, I think) 😃 Yes, as in 2steppin, waltzing, Cha cha, east/west swing, night club 2step (that’s a new one for us though, we’re still sucky on that one :D!!). I LOVE when we’re practicing and being serious trying to learn some new routine and he suddenly grabs me hard and pulls me up against him, full body. And yeah, that’s when _I_ melt too. Men who dance, ROCK! Men who dance and LOVE IT? The ULTIMATE guy! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407.md?page=5)