# Hello?! I'm NOT gay! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407 "2003-12-22T03:57:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/81 "2003-12-23T17:20:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RickJay \* > \*\*It’s just the times now that it’s absolutely impossible to have any sort of relationship with another person without people assuming it’s sexual. You can’t be in the company of one other person anymore just as a friend. \*\* I do’t know if it’s necessarily _these_ times. Another photographer and I drove to PA to shoot an old foundry. It caused quite the scandals in our respective workplaces. He’s married and I was in a long-term realtionship with someone too. At his workplace, they kept saying to him, in shocked and apalled tones “and your wife was okay with that???” and in my workplace, my boss kept asking “Soooo… how’d it go? What _happened_?” with all the youthful enthusiasm of a teenage boy whose friend had peeped into the girls’ locker room and was about to describe the scene to all. When I said: “We spent 6 hours shooting. The property was surprisingly toxic, you don’t see that here. And it took us several more hours to get the grit out of our gear.” He answered: “But what _really_ happened?” I replied: “We spent 6 hours shooting. It took us several more hours to get the grit out of our gear… and it will takes days to develop all the rolls I shot.” Then he said: “Oo-ooh, I see!” in an _extremely_ smarmy tone as if to say “Got it! you’re being discreet! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.” I wanted to punch him. I asked my mom if it was really naive for me to think that two adults could go on a business trip with not even the slightest inclination or thought of anything other than the job. It’s like people thought we were _supposed_ to mess around. Mom said: “No you’re not naive. People are stupid.” (Wise, my mom.) When I was a few weeks old. My father had caused a scandal when an old female friend came to visit my parents. The three of them were going to attend a “Renaissance Dinner” together, but my mom was exhausted, I was still nursing, and she chose to stay home with Wee Crayons. The resulting scandal (much to my parents’ amusement) was widespread. My father’s colleagues were horrified and uncomfortable when he introduced them to “Julie.” I mean, how _could_ he _publicly_ introduce his affair while his wife was at home nursing his baby??? _Disgraceful!_ That was 31 years ago. So it’s not just “these times.” People have been stupid a lot onger than that. Nowadays, there’s just more recognition for GLBT relationships so the stupidity is flung around more diversely. Friends and acquaintances are fair game for lurid gossip. These days, I only have problems with straight men hitting on my girlfriend and me when we’re out together. They don’t believe we’re a couple, they just think we’re rejecting them very rudely by _claiming_ to be a lesbian pair. So they get really pissy and say that “we don’t have to pretend to be lesbians, a simple ‘no thanks’ would suffice! Hmph!” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/82 "2003-12-23T17:25:32Z")
BTW - I thought that the Rules for Straight Guy Dancing were that is must include air guitar and vague head-banging movements. Twirls and hip movement are forbidden as they may be mistaken for “sashay”. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/83 "2003-12-23T18:32:22Z")
> [@](#): > > What I was trying to convey was that for many men, when they think of “dancing” that’s ALL they think of, and they “think” they can’t do it, or can’t look “cool” doing it. So instead of realizing that it’s a skillset that can be learned, they simply diss it as “lame” or “dorky” in order to save face. Now, see, I don’t think dancing is dorky. It’s a worthy endeavour, really it is. It’s just that _I_ can’t do it worth shit. I have no coordination, I’ve never felt ‘groovy’ in my entire life, and the music that is played at the parties I go to is never the kind I like. (Then again, try finding a party that’s playing classical, country, or oldies) ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/84 "2003-12-23T19:34:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eats\_Crayons \* > \*\*BTW - I thought that the Rules for Straight Guy Dancing were that is must include air guitar and vague head-banging movements. Twirls and hip movement are forbidden as they may be mistaken for “sashay”. \*\* I think the air guitar and head-banging fall under the Rawking Out category, which is alright, rather than Dancing. It’s like moshing and slam dancing, which are also acceptable. Showing enthusiasm for Rawking Out is encouraged, even praise-worthy, unlike dancing, where we must be reluctant and whine, then scurry off the floor as soon as possible. Look at this thread for examples of what happens to people who dance: They turn into Dance Nazis and have their sense of humor surgically removed, where everyone Must Like Dancing and those who don’t are inferior in some way. “You Must Have Fun! We Order It!” No, we should all fear the dread Dance Nazi Lifestyle. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/85 "2003-12-23T20:50:46Z")
I wish more people _did_ assume I’m gay. It would save the wasted time spent with guys who are trying to chat us up, assuming that because we don’t have men with us we must be looking for a man. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/86 "2003-12-23T20:52:10Z")
And what about Bruce the shark? ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/87 "2003-12-23T21:12:19Z")
[insert appropriate Safety Dance lyrics here] ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/88 "2003-12-23T22:03:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by The Long Road_ > > 1. You are only allowed to cry if your dog dies or when…well, nothing else. No blubbering either. And while watching _Brian’s Song_. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/89 "2003-12-23T23:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > \*\*I wish more people _did_ assume I’m gay. It would save the wasted time spent with guys who are trying to chat us up, assuming that because we don’t have men with us we must be looking for a man. :rolleyes: \*\* All ladies are really looking for a man. Even if they already have one, they may be looking for a BETTER one. Little known fact. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/90 "2003-12-23T23:17:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*I think the air guitar and head-banging fall under the Rawking Out category, which is alright, rather than Dancing. It’s like moshing and slam dancing, which are also acceptable. Showing enthusiasm for Rawking Out is encouraged, even praise-worthy, unlike dancing, where we must be reluctant and whine, then scurry off the floor as soon as possible. Look at this thread for examples of what happens to people who dance: They turn into Dance Nazis and have their sense of humor surgically removed, where everyone Must Like Dancing and those who don’t are inferior in some way. “You Must Have Fun! We Order It!” No, we should all fear the dread Dance Nazi Lifestyle. \*\* Actually I was protesting the “dancing is gay” attitude, not saying “everyone must dance and like it”. If you don’t like it fine, but don’t decide that “it’s gay” FOR everyone else. There’s a difference. It’s one thing to say you don’t care for an activity, but to then declare it “off-limits” because YOU (collective you) thinks it’s “gay/dorky/stupid” and so on, is to determine FOR everyone else what they should or shouldn’t like. While my humor isn’t inop because of this (I found your “Rawking out is acceptable” portion VERY cute), I DO find it mildly irritating to constantly see the “OMG Straight men don’t Dance, Waaaah wahhhh waaah you horrible women MAKE us dance, you DRAAAG us onto the dance floors against our will ad nauseum” card played. Yeah, it does get a bit silly and old. And by attempting to correct assumptions that dancing is “too hard” and so on, I’m not saying “everyone must like dance” just addressing the misconceptions that frequently abound regarding the art. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/91 "2003-12-23T23:18:51Z")
> [@](#): > > _Obsidian Flutterby wrote_ Of course it doesn’t help I’m 6’1, prefer jeans and no makeup and in general not very ‘girly’ clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/92 "2003-12-23T23:22:19Z")
> [@](#): > > _Obsidian Flutterby wrote_ > Of course it doesn’t help I’m 6’1, prefer jeans and no makeup and in general not very ‘girly’ clothes. Next time you’re in the Luton area, do drop by. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/93 "2003-12-23T23:25:08Z")
Hmm… d\*mn hamsters. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/94 "2003-12-23T23:55:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Balle\_M \* > \*\*Straight men will dance for two reasons: > > 1. Overconsumption of adult _libations_ > > 2. It has been made quite clear by the lady the he won’t be getting anything later unless she is allowed to darag him around the dance floor. > \*\* What does the word ‘libations’ entail, exactly? I’ve only heard it applied to alcohol, but there are certainly other things that can make men dance. Oh, and speaking of drugs, haven’t you ever heard of raves? Plenty of straight men dance at raves without the assistance of alcohol, speed, ecstacy or a night of sex. One of my friends (who is female) and I hang out with each other a lot, and everyone thought for the longest time that we were fucking. Everyone who didn’t think we were fucking, thought I was gay (I’m straight)–I have no clue why, and nobody, including the people who thought I was gay, can tell me. I get fairly expensive haircuts (over $20–I have a lot of great conversation with my [female] hairdresser, and the whole environment is quite comforting and relaxing, so I think it’s worth it), I wear cologne, I use hair product, and I’m a nice guy. I guess that’ll do it. I’ve had at least two or three people express surprise at finding out I’m straight, in the last couple of months. Another female friend of mine recently informed me that when we first met she could’ve sworn I was gay (although she “figured out” that I wasn’t gay a few weeks after that, apparently). ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/95 "2003-12-24T00:08:15Z")
**Gay Fetus** would make a rather fine band name, though. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/96 "2003-12-24T00:34:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\ ***Gay Fetus** would make a rather fine band name, though. \*\* Or perhaps Sexual Fetus? Or Sexual Fetus Friend? Or Fetus and His Lesbian Friend He’s Not Fucking? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/97 "2003-12-24T00:42:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fetus \* > \*\* Fetus and His Lesbian Friend He’s Not Fucking \*\* Would that be indie? or bluegrass? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/98 "2003-12-24T00:52:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*This is all very strange as your sexual preference can be determined by a simple test. If when talking to a very attractive woman you think things such as, “I wonder what type of hair care products she uses”, or the even worse, “That bitch just needs to tone down her make-up cause she is lookin like something done by Jackson Pollock!”, you are gay. If you are thinking, “mmmm, titties” you are not gay. > > Life is very simple. \*\* Hmmm. I often have both reactions: “Hey, nice breasts! Pity her makeup makes her look like Bozo the Ho.” Paging Dr. Kinsey… ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/99 "2003-12-24T00:57:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Harlow \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > … and I can’t even eat out with a female friend > > Hmmm? \*\* Eat out _with_; not eat out per se, silly. 😉 > [@](#): > > **Oh, and speaking of drugs, haven’t you ever heard of raves? Plenty of straight men dance at raves without the assistance of alcohol, speed, ecstacy or a night of sex.** 😕 They do? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407/100 "2003-12-24T01:25:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gyrate \* > \*\*Hmmm. I often have both reactions: “Hey, nice breasts! Pity her makeup makes her look like Bozo the Ho.” > > Paging Dr. Kinsey… \*\* Bozo the Ho? You clearly have a female clown fetish. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hello-im-not-gay/220407.md?page=6)