# Help Describe being Wacked in the Balls **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842 "2008-07-09T15:46:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/21 "2008-07-09T17:42:43Z")
[QUOTE=gaffa] Having been kicked in the nuts before, I am completely incapable of laughing at anyone else suffering the same injury. I wish there were some way to convey to someone who lacks testicles what the pain is like, but I don’t believe it is possible. [/QUOTE] Yup, that’s the problem. Guy in book gets wacked hard in the nuts; wife is all "well, why doesn’t he just face the pain & do this, that and the other … ". Me, I’m all “wacked like that, you _can’t_ do anything - you are lucky to be able to breathe through the agony”. It was then I realized that every guy reading this book “got it” right away, whereas some women would be scratching their heads. Valuable lession in this for women, by the way - faced with an attacker, that is. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/22 "2008-07-09T17:44:39Z")
[QUOTE=Malthus] Heck, I’m laughing now, and I didn’t even see it. 😃 [/QUOTE] You and me both. Damn, **gaffa** , that beats a kick in the nads any day. Watching the Wacked Out Sports, AFHV or the like, the women in my family can laugh at a few of the groin bashings but I’m never able to do anything more than let out a series of sympathetic “Oooofs!” ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/23 "2008-07-09T17:46:44Z")
Years ago, on one of those “OMG check this out it’s so sick!”-type Web sites normally filled with videos of brutal skateboarding accidents and the like, I saw a Japanese video of some man getting _repeatedly_ kneed and running-kicked in the balls by some woman in a leotard. I mean over and over and over again. This must be the equivalent of S&M porn for women. All this goes to prove that whatever it is, a fetish for it exists out there. Oh, FWIW, I was kicked in the balls _decades_ ago in a fight, and still remember the pain. Deep, sharp, intense, and long-lasting, with residual after-shocks of psychological pain hours afterwards. It’s probably as close as you could get to a gut shot without a bullet. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/24 "2008-07-09T17:56:15Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] Watching the Wacked Out Sports, AFHV or the like, the women in my family can laugh at a few of the groin bashings but I’m never able to do anything more than let out a series of sympathetic “Oooofs!” [/QUOTE] It is interesting how that works. like several here I can’t see a bash to the balls as “funny”; I just know it hurts too much. Same think happened once I became a dad - I could no longer find humour in any form of funny in which harm comes to young children, even comic harm. It just triggers too much anxiety. Didn’t have that reaction until I became a parent myself. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/25 "2008-07-09T18:02:47Z")
[QUOTE=Madd Maxx] There is also that half-heartbeat of a delay between the feeling of impact and the begining of the pain/dull ache in the stomach. [/QUOTE] This, I think, is the worst part of it. You know the pain is coming, that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. That half-heartbeat stretches out, giving you an infinite amount of time in which to contemplate exactly what you did wrong that resulted in the bowel-clenching pain you’re about to experience. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/26 "2008-07-09T18:03:22Z")
I invented a description a while ago. It isn’t perfect but almost anyone can understand it. I just say that it is like a severe migraine headache in the crotch. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/27 "2008-07-09T18:06:31Z")
It’s been a long time (and I’d like to keep it that way), but I seem to recall the room spinning. Sort of like being really drunk and your otoliths stop working. All other stimuli become very muted—“Are you ok?” sounds far away etc. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/28 "2008-07-09T18:13:44Z")
BTW, great descriptions all. I’m wincing just reading 'em. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/29 "2008-07-09T18:25:16Z")
Think of all the pain of childbirth, all compressed into one. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/30 "2008-07-09T18:35:32Z")
It sounds like it would be comparable to the pain I felt when, three weeks after getting my knee replaced, I fell on it. Inability to breathe? Check. Split second of “oh shit”? Check. Blinding pain that paralyzes you? Check. Yup, that’s probably the closest I’ll ever get as a woman. At least I hope it is! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/31 "2008-07-09T18:43:42Z")
When I was a kid I read a book in which one of the characters got kicked in the nuts. The description was quite graphic, and there was no mistaking the amount of pain he was in. In fact, I thought it went way overboard, but have never been kicked with the force he had. I don’t remember the details, but I remember him lying on the ground in a puddle of his own vomit. I wish I could remember what book it was, but my WAG is Bridge Over the River Kwai. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/32 "2008-07-09T18:50:10Z")
From the MST3K’ed version of **The Eye of Argon** : > [@](#): > > \*\*The girl gasped a tortured groan from her clamped lungs, her sea blue eyes bulging forth from damp sockets. Cocking her right foot backwards, she leashed it desperately outwards with the strength of a demon possessed, > \*\* > > Tom: A demon possessed by… another demon, I guess. > > \*\*lodging her sandled foot squarely between the shaman’s testicles. > \*\* > > Crow: Too bad she didn’t hit either of them, he might’ve let go. > > \*\*The startled priest released his crushing grip, crimping his > > \*\* > Mike: --hair. > Tom: Isn’t that always the way? The girls with curly hair are always trying to straighten it, and the ones with straight hair… > > \*\*body over at the waist overlooking his recessed belly; > > \*\* > Crow: “Overlooking the scenic recessed belly, Priest’s Waist Time-Share is an unbeatable investment opportunity!” > > **wide open in a deep chasim.** > Mike: You mean like Casey Chasim? > Crow: “Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the priest’s crotch.” > \*\* > His face flushed to a rose red shade of crimson, > \*\* > > Tom: As always, Jim makes sure to delineate the various shades of crimson, vital to the plot as they are. > \*\* > eyelids fluttering wide with eyeballs protruding blindly outwards from their sockets to their outmost perimeters, while his lips quivered wildly about allowing an agonized wallow to gust forth as his breath billowed from burning lungs. > \*\* > > Mike: Jim is now on his fourth page of describing the shaman’s reaction to being kicked in the crotch. > \*\* > His hands reached out clutching his urinary gland > > \*\* > Crow: I’m no anatomy expert, but isn’t that up near his kidneys? > \*\* > as his knees wobbled rapidly about for a few seconds then buckled, causing the ruptured shaman > \*\* > > Mike: Please don’t rupture the shaman. > Tom: Thank you, Mr. Whipple. > \*\* > to collapse in an egg huddled mass > \*\* > > Crow: You want your eggs scrambled, poached, over easy or sunny-side up? > Tom: Oh, I’ll just take 'em in a huddled mass. > \*\* > to the granite pavement, rolling helplessly about in his agony. The pathetic screeches of the shaman > \*\* > > Mike: --reminded the girl of the Alanis Morissette concert. > \*\* > groveling in dejected misery upon the hand hewn granite laid pavement, worn smooth by countless hours of arduous sweat and toil, a welter of ichor oozing through his clenched hands, > \*\* > > Crow: This is now officially the longest kicked-in-the-crotch scene ever written. [http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~christi/misc/mst3k-eyeofargon.html](http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~christi/misc/mst3k-eyeofargon.html) (about halfway through it.) ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/33 "2008-07-09T19:00:08Z")
I think I’m just gonna start wearing a cup, full-time. ---
**Author:** ![JustThinkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@JustThinkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustThinkin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/34 "2008-07-09T19:45:58Z")
> [@](#): > > I suppose so - but how often does a woman experience a wack to the ovaries? Fetchund had an ovarian cyst burst. Given her description of the event, I suspect that it might have come pretty close. I’ll have to show her this thread and check. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/35 "2008-07-09T19:48:42Z")
I’ve had headaches that made me want to vomit before. I wonder if it’s anything like those last contractions during childbirth. The ones where you get to the top and don’t want to exhale because you know how incredibly bad it’s going to hurt when you do, and you start to actually wonder if it would be possible to never breathe again and not actually finish having the baby just so you don’t have to go through the rest of that… I didn’t scream during childbirth. Not because I didn’t want to, but because _it hurt so bad that I literally couldn’t_. \*my judgment may be clouded by the fact that my labor was 52 hours long, 90 minutes of which was the pushing part. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/36 "2008-07-09T19:51:28Z")
I have described being hit hard in the kidneys as being just like being hit in the balls except that the pain takes longer to go away. So, give your wife a sharp blow to the kidneys and, I believe, her interest will be satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/37 "2008-07-09T20:11:12Z")
I’ve heard women describe the intense pain of getting hit in the cervix and what they describe is exactly what I felt during my vasectomy (yes, I got numbed up - but not ever enough. I felt the whole thing and my god did it hurt). ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/38 "2008-07-10T00:13:54Z")
[QUOTE=Malthus] Heck, I’m laughing now, and I didn’t even see it. 😃 [/QUOTE] Yep…tell people you got conked on the noggin with a cuckoo clock, and you get no sympathy. I blame cartoons. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/39 "2008-07-10T00:19:21Z")
Imagine that your eyeballs are not protected by your skull, but stick out from your head on little stalks. And then somebody steps on them. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842/40 "2008-07-10T00:21:35Z")
I’ve mentioned this before here on the boards; I would describe it as: the worst and most persistent ice-cream headache you could possibly imagine, in your groin, coupled with the sensation of someone trying to pull an opened umbrella out of your arse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-describe-being-wacked-in-the-balls/455842.md?page=3)