# Help! First date gift advice needed
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 31, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083 "2005-03-31T17:19:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@nivlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nivlac)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/21 "2005-03-31T22:32:58Z")
**Darwin’s Finch** ,
Based on what you wrote, consider this first date as a get-acquainted meeting, so no need for any gift. Be neat, on time, and personable, and you’ll be fine. Oh, since this is a restaurant date, don’t order anything that could be messy.
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### Author:  [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/22 "2005-03-31T22:40:00Z")
I also think a gift is a bit “much” on a first date.
Perhaps some flowers on the first date you have where you pick her up at her house. (In my world, I never have anyone pick me up until after a couple or three dates.)
I have had guys give me a flower or two on a first or second date - where we’re meeting somewhere - and frankly it’s a pain in the ass to have to carry it around. (Plus I find it a bit over-eager.) By the time I get home it’s limp and wilted and headed straight for the trash. I would rather get a few flowers at home where I can put them in a vase.
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### Author:  [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/23 "2005-03-31T22:45:39Z")
Ya know those “panty roses” that look like roses, but when you unfurl them are actually little cheap frilly panties?
Not those.
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### Author:  [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2005, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/24 "2005-03-31T23:04:03Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#):
>
> I’d vote for no flowers or gift. I think the first date should be pretty casual without too many expectations. A gift would crank things up a notch and, if it were me, make me uncomfortable. If everything goes well and there’s a second date, that’s when I think a small gift might be OK.
As a lad, I was always taught to bring something (flowers or chocolates), but then, virtually all of my tutorage came from guys my grandfather’s age, and as a result of changing social attitudes (I guess) a lot of my mannerisms and attempts at chivalry seem to come off as being “creepy”. 😕
Since it sounds like a casual first date and you describe the girl as “kinda Goth-y” I think I’d give the flowers a miss. If you knew her better, perhaps you could bring some kind of cheap trinket, but since you don’t, just be casual.
Then again, you should take any advice from me with a few hundred trillion moles of NaCl, seeing as how I haven’t been on an actual date in three years and change. I’d bring a diamond necklace, at this point, if I thought it would improve my chances.
Good luck to you, lad. Let us know how it goes.
Stranger
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### Author:  [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/25 "2005-04-01T00:11:06Z")
Another vote for no gift, especially if she would have to carry it around for a while. If you have a wonderful date, send her flowers the next day. It’s less of a hassle for her.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/26 "2005-04-01T00:16:06Z")
I’m going opposite of everyone in the second half of the thread. I would love to have a single flower first date. A carnation is my favorite!
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### Author:  [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/27 "2005-04-01T03:07:48Z")
I’d also advise against bringing a gift on a first date. First, neither of you know if you’ll want there to be second date. Second, it’s a bit unnerving, especially if the lady, herself isn’t completely sure. You don’t want to feel obligated or wonder if there’s an implied obligation. If you must, however, I suggest slipping a square of good chocolate into your pocket. If the date goes well, offer it to her. If it doesn’t, there’s more chocolate for you. Before you folks start laughing too hard, let me point out that the sweet, shy guy I’ve been dating for over a year now didn’t bring anything to our first date except himself, but after that, he tended to have a square of Ghirardelli dark chocolate on him which he would give me when he arrived. He was doing fine until he invited me to play backgammon with him using chocolate as the stakes. :eek: Needless to say, I wound up with most of the chocolate!
CJ
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### Author:  [@Alien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alien)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/28 "2005-04-01T03:23:22Z")
> [@Darwin's Finch](#):
>
> I would like to bring a gift, but I’m not sure what would be appropriate under the circumstances.
Hell, no!
> [@tremorviolet](#):
>
> If everything goes well and there’s a second date, that’s when I think a small gift might be OK.
No, no, no!
The only thing you need to do is keep your mouth shout while she’s talking, and ask her questions so that she feels that you’re interested in knowing more about her life. Rinse and repeat for second date.
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### Author:  [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/29 "2005-04-01T04:35:48Z")
Thanks for the input, everyone. I see the prevailing winds blow in the direction of “no gift”, so that’s where I shall sail. So to speak.
We do know a bit about one another, but not enough to warrant me bringing anything other than myself and my charming ( :dubious: ) personality. I shall save the gifts for what-I-hope-to-be-future dates.
I’m not anticipating a crash-and-burn scenario, but I will let everyone know what happens, one way or the other. Even though I’m quite nervous right now, and I expect that will increase as time approaches, I also feel…exuberant.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/30 "2005-04-01T13:03:10Z")
Good luck! We’re all living vicariously through you, so you’ve got all kinds of positive Doper energy behind you!
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### Author:  [@andymurph64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andymurph64)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/31 "2005-04-01T14:30:28Z")
Ok…now that the trivial question is taken care of…the real question he should be asking…
If things go well…should he try to kiss her on the first date or second?
This is the important stuff!
😃
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### Author:  [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/32 "2005-04-01T14:39:14Z")
Now that, **andy** , I can answer - depends on how the date goes. And only **Darwin** will know for sure.
Good on ya, pal - good luck, and enjoy.
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/33 "2005-04-01T14:47:14Z")
I’m just saddened by the idea that any woman would feel that a single flower on a first date would signal that her date thinks she’s “obligated” in any way. It’s just too bad that we’ve gotten to the point culturally that a token gift can’t be given without the giver being tagged as “creepy” or the recipient being tagged as “obligated.” Me, I’d love it if someone brought me a flower on a first date. Of course that would necessitate my actually _getting_ a date first…
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/34 "2005-04-01T14:51:08Z")
> [@stpauler](#):
>
> Flowers to me say “I know you are a woman and that’s about it”.
Ouch. True, but ouch.
Plus, she might be a huge plants-rights activist. “Oh, great. A dead plant. Thanks.”
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### Author:  [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/35 "2005-04-01T14:57:56Z")
Dildo. Rose coloured.
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### Author:  [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/36 "2005-04-01T15:38:45Z")
No only should you bring NO GIFT, I think you should try to steal something from her.
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### Author:  [@Foible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foible)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/37 "2005-04-01T16:16:35Z")
> [@Trunk](#):
>
> No only should you bring NO GIFT, I think you should try to steal something from her.
…and sneak out during desert leaving her with the bill.
But seriously, I always thought it was just good manners to bring something to the first date. I usually went with a single flower, easy to carry and no biggie if it got crushed or lost.
To the ladies posting here, if you’re given a flower please think “chivalrous” and not “creepy.”
Thank you.
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/38 "2005-04-01T17:05:18Z")
Sorry foible. Used to think that. Then I discovered that 80% of the time, the guy was creepy. The other 20% of the time he was really sweet, but desperate. I’m batting 1000 on flowers on the first date = not a good sign. I have to go with my experience.
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/39 "2005-04-01T19:50:06Z")
What percentage of the guys who _didn’t_ bring flowers were creeps?
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-first-date-gift-advice-needed/297083/40 "2005-04-01T20:03:16Z")
> [@Otto](#):
>
> What percentage of the guys who _didn’t_ bring flowers were creeps?
0.00000%. Creepy guys _always_ bring flowers. It’s just part of the package deal.
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