# Help! Help! My sister is turning into a bridezilla!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908 "2011-05-14T17:25:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/21 "2011-05-14T19:13:41Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > It sounds like your sister’s friends are also feeding into the mentality. They seem to be starting a lot of the drama that directly affects you. Is bridesmaidzilla a thing, too? It sounds appropriate in this case. Oh yes there are bridesmaidzillas. They try to make the wedding all about them and their dress and their wants and their desires…Then they cause stress and drama for the bride because they find that they need a bolero on their particular dress to cover their big fat crisco arms…but I digress. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/22 "2011-05-14T19:17:54Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > Oh yes there are bridesmaidzillas. They try to make the wedding all about them and their dress and their wants and their desires…Then they cause stress and drama for the bride because they find that they need a bolero on their particular dress to cover their big fat crisco arms…but I digress. Just read your other post–why is bridezilla offensive, but bridesmaidzilla isn’t, then? ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/23 "2011-05-14T19:18:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Just read your other post–why is bridezilla offensive, but bridesmaidzilla isn’t, then? I explained that in my rant. Look above. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/24 "2011-05-14T19:37:59Z")
I sew a lot, but no way would I make 5 bridesmaid dresses when I agreed to make _one_. It’s best if you cut that off now so everyone has enough time to make a new plan. I wouldn’t want my MIL to make my wedding cake either. She is probably wise to avoid that potential pitfall and have a bakery do it. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/25 "2011-05-14T19:39:56Z")
I find bridezilla to be a much kinder term than “crazy bitch.” Which is pretty much what’s left if you remove a slightly funny term coined precicely to avoid calling a temporarily insane bride to be something truly unkind. OP, while drama will ensue when you put your foot down, that will last far less long than the continued drama if you attempt to make all those dresses. There will be at least one complete remake amongst them, and a day or two of drama now will save you from that. It will be absolutely worth it for you to say NO now, the sooner the better. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/26 "2011-05-14T19:53:57Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > I explained that in my rant. Look above. No, actually, you didn’t. The closest you got is the subtext, which is that you’re a bride and not a bridesmaid, and that you therefore find “bridezilla” offensive because it hits a lot closer to home. Weddings are complicated events, and expecting them to be perfect is insane. Expect them to be good enough, expect that some stuff will be awesome and some stuff will be logistically difficult, expect that at the end of the day you marry the person you love, and you’re acting like a sane person, not a person driven mad by the mind-control rays emanating from the marital-industrial complex. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/27 "2011-05-14T19:59:49Z")
Ah, women. So glad I’m not one. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/28 "2011-05-14T20:05:27Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > … expecting them to be perfect is insane. You summed up my take on this, especially with this phrase. “My Special Day” is no excuse for a person to take advantage of anyone. Period. Family members and future in-laws are not production assistants and lackeys. As bride, you do not demand, you ask politely. If you can’t behave like a civilized human being, then you are a bridezilla, period. To what extent others tolerate such behavior is a personal choice. But IMHO, the best thing anyone can do is sit such a bride-to-be down and have a frank conversation about reality. Yes, putting together a wedding can be stressful. No, you may not use that as an excuse to be Queen Bitch. Say please, say thank you, don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s just a ceremony and a party, not the event of the century. I’m a fan of elopement myself - maybe you can suggest that to your sister? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/29 "2011-05-14T20:07:56Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > Oh yes I have but I’ve never heard of the term phdzilla. What does that have to do with this thread anyways? Parallel circumstances. An analogy, if you will. What I’m saying is that no matter what the circumstances one finds oneself in, no matter how important, we have special, unflattering names for people who treat others badly. And justifiably so. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/30 "2011-05-14T20:22:13Z")
The main problem with bridezillas is that everyone around them keeps enabling them, and reinforcing them and nobody calls them on their bullshit. People have to learn how to say no to these bitches. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/31 "2011-05-14T20:24:30Z")
At least it gives the groom practice in dealing with what he has to every twenty eight days or so for the first twenty years of marriage. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/32 "2011-05-14T20:24:58Z")
I think the correct term for a phdzilla is Dr. Doom. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/33 "2011-05-14T20:49:39Z")
> [@Grapefruit](#): > > And that leads me to my main beef. She asked me to make the dresses. We picked out the patterns and the material, and while she has confidence in my craftsmanship, when she came over yesterday for a preliminary fitting, she kept saying she wants it poofier, POOFIER, DAMMIT!!! Any poofier and she’ll look like a god damn basketball!!! And the bridesmaid dresses are becoming a nightmare. I went from having to make one (for me, which is easy because I’ve had a lot of practice sewing for myself) to making two (doable) and now I have to make five!!! Not only that, but one of the girls is whining about how the pattern I picked wasn’t flattering to her figure and she wants something else. I said definitely no, no way in hell, I’m not wasting more time trying to figure out what looks good on everyone, so if she doesn’t like it, she can drop out. But of course, my sister took offense because these are her friends, and I can’t just speak to them like that. Besides, it’s not like I actually started on the bridesmaid dresses yet. “Dear sister, when I said I’d help you with the bridesmaid dresses, there was only one to make, but now there’s 5! I would love to do them, but with more dresses added, I won’t have time to make _your_ alterations for your fabulous dress. Sorry sis!” You will quickly end up with only the wedding dress to make. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/34 "2011-05-14T21:13:46Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > A wedding is a major thing to some women. After all they go into this thinking that they will only get married once and they want everything to be perfect. I find the term bridezilla very offensive and I find nothing wrong with what your sister is doing. It’s a major day in her life. Be more supportive. There are lots of special, major events in everybody’s lives. The fact that they’re special and important to you does not mean everyone around you should have to suffer. To the OP - you have my sympathies. Several weddings I’ve been involved in have turned into massive bridezilla-fests, and the brides in question were generally nice, normal girls beforehand. If it makes you feel any better, they all turned back into nice, normal girls again afterwards. It was only temporary insanity. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/35 "2011-05-14T21:43:11Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Sorry - the cake and venue she gets a pass on. Maybe her MIL’s cakes taste like ass. Maybe her hubby to be has a massive family and there will be 250 guests. Maybe the venue holds 200 but no dance floor. There’s lots there that you don’t know about so she gets a pass on. Yup. The bride and groom get to decide what cake they want (assuming they are footing the bill.) In fact, they have no obligation to take the recommendations of anyone provided they are carrying their own weight and being polite about it. It’s their event, they’re paying for it, it gets to be how they want it. That would be true whether it was a wedding, a funeral, or their daughter’s Sweet 16 party. The hosts make the decisions. The real issue is that in terms of the bridesmaid’s dresses, they aren’t carrying their own weight, but rather putting that weight onto the OP. Just as they aren’t obligated to use MIL’s cake, sister is not obligated to sew all the dresses, and I don’t blame you for feeling peeved and overwhelmed. Weddings are indeed happy times, but they are also stressful times, and chances are with everyone under a lot of stress, there’s going to be friction. It’s easy to poke fun at Bridezilla, but it’s a lot of work to host an event that large and I think it can get to anyone, no matter how just and rational and kind. I can remember more than a few times planning my own wedding when I just wanted to elope and get it over with. _Everybody_ seems to know just how you should be doing things and they don’t hesitate to tell you so. Your poor sister is obviously feeling that strain as she has allowed additional bridesmaids out of guilt when she doesn’t really want them. Think about how frustrated she must feel as her wedding morphs into something she doesn’t want. You could have an important role here in protecting her from giving in to pressure from others. Just remember that on that special day, none of it will seem to matter anymore, and you will get your sister back. Oh, and FTR, I was the Maid of Honor at my best friend’s wedding. Her sister was not, but she was there and no less important a presence on that day. I think you would be doing an incredible kindness to your sister by reaching out to her best friend and making her feel included and important. Of course you are her family and love her dearly, but your sister has a special bond with her best friend too. Acting like she is an adversary is not going to help your sister deal with this stressful time. I understand the best friend’s behavior may not be appropriate, but you have the opportunity to take the high road here. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/36 "2011-05-14T22:08:33Z")
Expecting a person to sew 5 dresses is crazy. If you do it, you are letting her take advantage of you far beyond what a normal person should, wedding or no wedding. A bridezilla can’t have her way if people don’t give it to her. Tell her you are unable to sew that many. Let her sew them if it means that much to her. If she can’t, well, she can easily find someone who can, except then she’d have to pay them, which she won’t do for you. I have seen many cakes made by the mother or mother-in-law. They are usually garishly colored and taste like little more than shortening. The types of wedding cakes that mothers-in-laws make have been out of fashion for a long time now. I can’t fault anyone for wanting something better. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/37 "2011-05-14T22:11:10Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > A wedding is a major thing to some women. After all they go into this thinking that they will only get married once and they want everything to be perfect. I find the term bridezilla very offensive and I find nothing wrong with what your sister is doing. It’s a major day in her life. Be more supportive. Maybe she should offer to make the tuxes, too? How much more supportive can a person be? She’s being taken advantage of. Somebody demanding that she sew not the agreed-up dress, but 4 more, by herself, is a bridezilla, and is offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/38 "2011-05-14T22:12:03Z")
My father-in-law made our wedding cake, and his was great, but he owned a bakery and had professional equipment, and had made a million wedding cakes professionally before. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/39 "2011-05-14T22:22:52Z")
The wedding is the least important day of your marriage. My bridesmaids picked out their own fabric and pattern, and either made their own dress or had their moms sew it for them. Expecting someone to sew 6 dresses because she originally said she could sew 2 is insane. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/40 "2011-05-14T23:31:21Z")
The way I read your OP, I don’t see a Bridezilla at all going MEMEMEME. I see a Momzilla going nuts over everything, and a whole lot of “friends” who created drama the bride-to-be felt (for whatever reason) she had to deal with. Is accommodating dramallama friends and a Momzilla “crazy selfish behavior” I’m going to say no. I see this very commonly. Every damn person is pressuring and pulling the bride in a thousand different directions, and she is frantically (impossibly) attempting to satisfy them all. When she finally tells someone “no” it’s torch-and-pitchfork time with shrieks of BRIDEZILLA. She doesn’t have to take anyone’s offer of cake or joyously accept their venue opinions. Maybe she just hated the venue, or _simply had something else in mind_ and saying “it’s too small” is a lot more polite than saying “it sends chills up my spine with its horrific ugliness.” The bridesmaid dress thing is getting out of hand and that’s completely fair to be upset about it. You need to tell her NOW it is impossible. As far as HER dress who gives a shit if she looks like a white tulle basketball? If she wants it to be poufy, make it poufy and shut up about it. What skin is it off your nose? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908.md?page=3)