# Help! Help! My sister is turning into a bridezilla!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908 "2011-05-14T17:25:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/41 "2011-05-15T00:06:16Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > The way I read your OP, I don’t see a Bridezilla at all going MEMEMEME. I see a Momzilla going nuts over everything, and a whole lot of “friends” who created drama the bride-to-be felt (for whatever reason) she had to deal with. Is accommodating dramallama friends and a Momzilla “crazy selfish behavior” I’m going to say no. > > I see this very commonly. Every damn person is pressuring and pulling the bride in a thousand different directions, and she is frantically (impossibly) attempting to satisfy them all. When she finally tells someone “no” it’s torch-and-pitchfork time with shrieks of BRIDEZILLA. Nailed it. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/42 "2011-05-15T00:34:49Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I have seen many cakes made by the mother or mother-in-law. They are usually garishly colored and taste like little more than shortening. The types of wedding cakes that mothers-in-laws make have been out of fashion for a long time now. I can’t fault anyone for wanting something better. Well, my mom made my wedding cake and it was fantastic, but she made a traditional matrimonial cake and we had it professionally iced and decorated. We also had our caterer make a crap load of chocolate cupcakes, dainties, fresh sliced fruit, and an entire carrot cake for people who didn’t go in for matrimonial cake. We had a _LOT_ of dietary needs and wants to deal with so we tried to make everyone happy. For the most part, I think it worked. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/43 "2011-05-15T00:39:09Z")
Stuff like in the OP is why the Other Half and I eloped. It was too much drama all around and I just disinvited _everyone_. No regrets. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/44 "2011-05-15T00:50:05Z")
So, Broomstick, I guess you jumped over yourself. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/45 "2011-05-15T01:21:34Z")
How much time do you have until the wedding? I ask because my nephew is getting married soon and they had the dresses custom-made in China. It cost them less than buying the fabric and doing them here. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/46 "2011-05-15T01:38:41Z")
The big business of weddings is screwed up and needs to be overhauled. I used to work fancy weddings in college. I went to hundreds of them and they were all beautiful because we made them so for a steep price. People may think theirs is special but I assure you that they are not to anyone but the bride and those she sucks into it. The fundamental problem is that weddings have little to do with marriage. They are generally just some perverse reverse débutante party with the marriage itself being a minor sideshow. This could be remedied and made even easier if all females got equivalent of a wedding ceremony of their own but with no marriage at a certain age. Jews do something similar with a bat mitzvah. I don’t think most people would fall for that without the marriage commitment holding them hostage to witness it but that is part of the point. The other alternative is to embrace the flip-side the downside of gender equality and for all people invoking a marriage commitment to treat it as a solemn ceremony where the superficialities aren’t important but the simple presence of family and friends for such a decision is the only thing that counts. The only person that can keep the details of one wedding versus another straight are the bride, her mother, and a few bitter bridesmaids. No one is winning in the current system other than the businesses that thrive on it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/47 "2011-05-15T02:58:17Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > So, Broomstick, I guess you jumped over yourself. Yes, I managed to get over myself, then after we jumped the broom Mr. Broomstick jumped the broom(stick). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/48 "2011-05-15T03:51:40Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I have seen many cakes made by the mother or mother-in-law. They are usually garishly colored and taste like little more than shortening. The types of wedding cakes that mothers-in-laws make have been out of fashion for a long time now. I can’t fault anyone for wanting something better. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My father-in-law made our wedding cake, and his was great, but he owned a bakery and had professional equipment, and had made a million wedding cakes professionally before. > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Well, my mom made my wedding cake and it was fantastic, but she made a traditional matrimonial cake and we had it professionally iced and decorated. Exactly. Done by pros. I know that there are MILs who can do a good job who aren’t pros, but they are far and few between. Of course, if the bride has the same tastes as the MIL, it can work out just fine either way. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/49 "2011-05-15T06:04:25Z")
> [@](#): > > The fundamental problem is that weddings have little to do with marriage. They are generally just some perverse reverse débutante party with the marriage itself being a minor sideshow. This could be remedied and made even easier if all females got equivalent of a wedding ceremony of their own but with no marriage at a certain age. Some Hispanic families have [quinceañeras](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quincea%C3%B1era) when a girl turns 15. This started as a sort of Second Communion, where the girl became a Bride of Christ and rededicated her life to the Church. It’s sort of like a Sweet 16 party in America. However, I have to say, for the record, that I wouldn’t have enjoyed a traditional Sweet 16 party if I’d had one, and my wedding consisted of three days planning and then a very short ceremony at my parents’ house. I wore a street dress (my husband wore his Air Force dress blues), which was a great change from my usual jeans and tshirt, and the menu and festivities were pretty small. The reason that there was ANY planning at all was because in that state, at that time, there was a three day waiting period. I had certainly never dreamed and planned of My Perfect Wedding, and frankly, I’m glad that we didn’t spend a lot of money and time on it. I really don’t think that I missed out on much, except maybe a lot of stress. I didn’t give a shit about the wedding. My mother did. That’s what most of the stress was about. ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/50 "2011-05-15T06:07:27Z")
Thanks for the replies and advice, for those who gave them. I just want to clear up something right now… my sister is NOT a crazy bitch. It’s not that choosing what she thinks is a suitable venue and having a picture perfect cake is making her a bridezilla, it’s how she’s going about doing it. I mean, it’s BIL-to-be’s wedding too, but she’s shooting down most of the suggestion that’s coming from him. Yes, she’s the bride and she gets to play princess (oh, is she ever!) but he’s the groom and he should get some say. And don’t be mistaken that I don’t know what he and his family wants… I lived with my sister for three years as her roommate, I know BIL-to-be and his family very well. At any rate, it’s not that she wants a big extravagant wedding that is making me tear my hair out. It’s that she explicitly said that she doesn’t care about being the center of attention, but now she’s basking in it. From us laughing about bridezillas to her actually turning into a demanding control freak is quite alarming. It’s not that plans for a big wedding was thrust upon her. She was perfectly content to book a small chapel and have a nice dinner with family and friends, but somehow she got her hands on a few wedding magazines and after browsing wedding blogs, she’s insisting (yes, insisting) that it has to be a full blown fairy tale. WTF HAPPENED?!?! I’ve made up my mind though. I’m going to finish up her dress, pray to the flying spaghetti monster that she doesn’t lose more weight from now until August, make my own dress, and that’s it. NO MORE FREAKIN’ DRESSES. Now, I just have to put my big girl panties on and prepare to argue with her about it. It’s not easy when I’ve always been “the little one.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/51 "2011-05-15T06:27:24Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Just read your other post–why is bridezilla offensive, but bridesmaidzilla isn’t, then? Apparently Mylady has been a bride but never a bridesmaid. And apparently she was one pain in the ass of a bride. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/52 "2011-05-15T10:11:40Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > The way I read your OP, I don’t see a Bridezilla at all going MEMEMEME. I see a Momzilla going nuts over everything, and a whole lot of “friends” who created drama the bride-to-be felt (for whatever reason) she had to deal with. Is accommodating dramallama friends and a Momzilla “crazy selfish behavior” I’m going to say no. > > I see this very commonly. Every damn person is pressuring and pulling the bride in a thousand different directions, and she is frantically (impossibly) attempting to satisfy them all. When she finally tells someone “no” it’s torch-and-pitchfork time with shrieks of BRIDEZILLA. > > She doesn’t have to take anyone’s offer of cake or joyously accept their venue opinions. Maybe she just hated the venue, or _simply had something else in mind_ and saying “it’s too small” is a lot more polite than saying “it sends chills up my spine with its horrific ugliness.” > > The bridesmaid dress thing is getting out of hand and that’s completely fair to be upset about it. You need to tell her NOW it is impossible. As far as HER dress who gives a shit if she looks like a white tulle basketball? If she wants it to be poufy, make it poufy and shut up about it. What skin is it off your nose? That is why for my best friend T I wasn’t a MoH, bridesmaid, I was her _enforcer_ - I had copies of the contracts with the caterers, the hotel, the church, the limo company, the photographer … I made sure the dress was finished on time [I actually hand pearled the veil and did the headband, and also pearled the lace appliques for the dress] the cake was ready, the reception ran well, the wedding party arrived at the church then got to the reception, and the photographer took the right pictures.I made sure she got to bed the night before, and managed to have a good solid breakfast, and a nap midmorning. I told off the other bridesmaids when they got idiotic and bitchy. I told off her mom when she got to be a pain in the ass and demanding. Where is that little devil smiley =) See, the bride wants everything to go perfectly, but everybody around her has their own ideas of what the perfect wedding includes, and has what they think are perfectly reasonable things as demands on her time and attention. Fine if there is only one or maybe two people, but when you add in all teh service people, and every member of both families and all teh included people, the poor little creature gets overstressed and hatches into a bridezilla. Give her a competent assistant that has no dog in the show that will follow directions exactly, and the wedding goes off smoothly. Wedding planners have their own visions of the perfect wedding, so there is still a stress point [that also includes budget] that nails the poor bride. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/53 "2011-05-15T13:00:51Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The other alternative is to embrace the flip-side the downside of gender equality and for all people invoking a marriage commitment to treat it as a solemn ceremony where the superficialities aren’t important but the simple presence of family and friends for such a decision is the only thing that counts. While I think your take on women is a little over the top, I think part of the problem is that many women are conditioned to view the wedding as a symbol of the success or failure of the marriage. It’s stupid, but it can be very powerful. Before I married, I read the book [The Meaning of Wife](http://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Wife-Provocative-Marriage-Twenty-first/dp/0374205108), which explores the concept of marriage from a feminist perspective. It really made me think critically about what I was getting myself into. The thing about a wedding is that from the outside, it appears that it’s all about the bride and groom. The moment you start planning a wedding, though, you realize that it’s really about everyone who knows them. And they keep telling you, ‘‘It’s YOUR day,’’ but this is a lie. It’s not your day. It belongs to everyone else. Success or failure is dependent on fulfilling the expectations of your community. Part of the stress of a wedding is coming to terms with this fact. You want to talk about real gender equality, I think the problem could be solved just by giving some actual responsibility to the groom. Just because I wear the skirt doesn’t mean I’m like really into event planning or even interested in throwing parties. The reason so many brides lose their minds is because it’s too damn much for one person to handle. Once I realized what it was all going to entail - particularly how much it would cost - I wanted to elope. My husband said, ‘‘We have to do this. It’s really important to our family.’’ And he was right. And I’m glad we did it. It was a beautiful wedding, and one of the greatest days of our lives, amazing from start to finish. I can’t think of a single thing that went wrong. It was perfect. And the reason it was perfect is because we were surrounded by everyone who loves us. You never realize how many people are invested in your well-being until they are all in one place. They took care of us that day, they supported us and celebrated us, and it was amazing. I’ve been to all kinds of weddings - from six figure affairs to 15 people crammed in a basement. The best ones are the ones where relationships are the centerpiece. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/54 "2011-05-15T13:37:02Z")
You do have to be a gracious hostess to your own wedding - which means meeting the reasonable expectations of your friends and relatives. And that can be tough. But being a gracious hostess also means not being a doormat. Not letting your friends step all over your sister with their “but I want to be a bridesmaid! Make my dress too!” whine. I feel sorry for the OP, but also for whatever four friends of the groom’s have now been roped into wearing monkey suits for the bride’s four whiny friends. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/55 "2011-05-15T14:46:36Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Apparently Mylady has been a bride but never a bridesmaid. And apparently she was one pain in the ass of a bride. I have been a bridesmaid twice. You’re wrong. Lets make this thread a personal attack against me shall we? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/56 "2011-05-15T15:18:49Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > And they keep telling you, ‘‘It’s YOUR day,’’ but this is a lie. Actually, the only time anybody said that to me, she was trying to sell me a $1000 dress. And it’s not like I actually asked anybody for anything much–I wanted my grandma to do the cake, my best friend to make my veil, and my mom to help me with the centerpieces. That was the sum total of demands I made on anyone, and I heard nothing but pissing and moaning and bitching at every single goddamn turn. My friends who had actual demands on people heard it all the time, though. And in many cases actually meant it–it cost several hundred dollars to be in that wedding what with the dresses and alterations and shoes and whatnot, and nobody blinked an eye. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/57 "2011-05-15T15:40:09Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > That is why for my best friend T I wasn’t a MoH, bridesmaid, I was her _enforcer_ … I call this the wedding wrangler, and I’ve been it, twice. I think it’s a vital aspect of having a wedding day go smoothly. Things will go wrong - contract people will be late, caterers will run out of dishes, etc. - and someone OTHER than the bridal party needs to be able to step in, run interference, and problem-solve or make last-minute decisions. I THINK that’s part of a wedding planner’s job, but since most people don’t hire a professional wedding planner, that part gets overlooked. Then, on the day of the wedding, when the hired hall staff forgets to set up the tables and chairs, or the flowers are delivered but not arranged, there’s someone other than the bride to start ordering people around 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/58 "2011-05-15T15:43:10Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > The way I read your OP, I don’t see a Bridezilla at all going MEMEMEME. I see a Momzilla going nuts over everything The OP didn’t post about the mother–where do you see a Momzilla? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/59 "2011-05-15T15:43:23Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > The reason so many brides lose their minds is because it’s too damn much for one person to handle. It’s exactly as much or as little as they want it to be. They don’t have to throw a big wedding, and anyone who would actually care about the size or details is not worth inviting anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908/60 "2011-05-15T15:54:51Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > The OP didn’t post about the mother–where do you see a Momzilla? Post #8 > [@](#): > > Any my mother is getting almost as insane about it. It’s her first born daughter getting married (finally!!!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-help-my-sister-is-turning-into-a-bridezilla/581908.md?page=4)