# Help Hillary by giving her a great debate zinger **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [September 20, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444 "2016-09-20T14:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/81 "2016-09-21T15:26:29Z")
From your good friends over at _Crooks and Liars_… **Trump Claims Lester Holt’s A Democrat, Debates Rigged Against Him** > **[Trump Claims Lester Holt's A Democrat, Debates Rigged Against Him](https://crooksandliars.com/2016/09/trump-claims-lester-holts-democrat-debates)** > > Without a trace of irony, Trump claims others are "working the refs". > [@](#): > > …“By the way, Lester is a Democrat. It’s a phony system. They are all Democrats. It’s a very unfair system,” Trump said of the debate moderators… As you might have guessed, > [@](#): > > …New York State voter registration documents show that Holt has been a registered Republican in the state since 2003… There is no “long-form” voter registration in New York. Actually, I don’t know that, but I’ll bet on it… Many of our most perceptive and intelligent posters have suggested that Il Douche is laying the groundwork to bail out on the debates. We should all pay respectful attention to such brilliant analysts. Maybe send them money. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/82 "2016-09-21T16:07:48Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Walk onstage munching from a bag of Skittles. Offer him some. …And then say, “On second thought, no. I like every skittle in this bag better than I like YOU, Donald.” > [@Pearl\_Clutching\_Provocateur](#): > > Look Donald, my hands are bigger than yours! > > Trump replies, “That’s a man, Baby!” a la Austin Powers. _Pulls out a Mirror-Prop, reflecting it at Trump_ “No… that’s a ‘man-baby’…” * * * A throw away or two: “Whats the matter, Donald. Losing your cool? How can anyone watching you fumble a debate this badly honestly want you to ever run America?” “Donald, you’re going to double-down on that? This is America, not a casino and the people watching want it left in better shape than you left Atlantic City…” And if he mentions missing emails “Well, have you looked under your tax returns…?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2016, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/83 "2016-09-21T17:03:25Z")
_\_ QUEENS, NEW YORK 1951 “Donald, what have I told you about eating cookies before dinner?” “I didn’t. No cookies. Let me— I’ll say this. I didn’t eat any cookies.” “Donald, I caught you with your hand in the cookie jar.” “No. I never had my hand in the jar. Never— well, maybe I did once. I don’t remember.” “And you have crumbs and chocolate on your face.” “I wouldn’t eat these cookies. They’re bad. Horrible. I’ve never tried them, but people say they’re bad. That’s why nobody wants to buy them. Losing company Keebler and their loser elves. Sad!” “Donald…” “I love your cookies. Great cookies. Tremendous. You know why? You’re the greatest! I truly believe you’re the greatest, and your cookies are going to be very successful. Very successful.” \* \ \*“Okay, Donnie. Fine. Now run and play.” ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/84 "2016-09-21T17:31:52Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > He’s gonna bring up lie after lie after lie. If by bring up lie after lie you mean tell lie after lie, then we are in agreement. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/85 "2016-09-22T01:42:41Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Despite my earlier post, it probably is not a good idea for Hillary to attempt zingers. She’ll need a couple of good comebacks for certain Trump talking points but just keep them on point and boring. > > And despite PCP contributions, I’ve not noticed Trump to be that great with the comedic riffing. Mostly his comebacks are in the vein of a poor man’s Don Rickles and I didn’t even find the real Rickles very amusing. > > Eta: holy crap, Don Rickles is still alive! And working! > [@RickJay](#): > > Cheap zingers isn’t her style and won’t work. > > Needling him and raising his weak points, that’s potentially effective. “Donald, why won’t you release your tax returns? What are you hiding?” is not technically a “zinger” but it hurts. He has no really good way of responding. Agree. She’s not the zinger type. She can’t afford to stoop to his level. > [@elucidator](#): > > I agree but slightly differently. Hillary should just fly right and deliver a debate. Trump cannot and therefore will not do any such thing. But if Hillary stoops she won’t get anywhere, she only loses the “proper debate” dignity. Trump will most likely flail away in a Gish Gallop, and will be admired by his fans as “telling it like it is” and scorning that bogus liberal “reasoned debate” stuff. > > So, maybe he will show up after all? I was thinking he might not want to lose a debate, but, on the other hand, who’s going to make him debate? Hillary needs to look and act Presidential, not get into a mud-slinging contest with Cheeto the clown. Reagan could carry it off, but he was a professional actor. I’m still not positive he’ll show up. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/86 "2016-09-22T03:24:39Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I will make a sorta prediction here. IF the debate has a clear “winner” (as shown by the polls and not the intellectual elite here on the SDMB) and it is Trump, it will be because this debate went down like the Reagan/Carter debate. Seconded. It’s a pity we won’t get to see Obama and Trump engaging on those terms, as Obama is funny, smart and eloquent, and would be able to ridicule Trump while at the same time making it painfully obvious how little Trump knows about the issues and the world. (Yes I’ve seen the video of Obama teasing Trump, but I think an actual exchange would look even worse for Trump). Clinton only has smart + experienced. For charisma I’d give her a negative score. She must not attempt to be funny. That said, I agree with others than it makes sense to needle at Trump. e.g. “Capital-gains tax, which I can only assume Trump pays, should be increased…” And like Reagan she does need to prepare of course for the obvious jokes and insults that will be coming her way. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/87 "2016-09-22T03:51:53Z")
Clinton reply direct to moderator: “Lester, I’m sure Donald knows full well that the complexities of dealing the American public, dealing with Congress, dealing with international relations, indeed to whole office of President is much more complicated that an episode of Celebrity Apprentice” [Clinton looks at Trump] “You do … right?” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/88 "2016-09-22T04:42:43Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > Clinton reply direct to moderator: “Lester, I’m sure Donald knows full well that the complexities of dealing the American public, dealing with Congress, dealing with international relations, indeed to whole office of President is much more complicated that an episode of Celebrity Apprentice” > > [Clinton looks at Trump] > “You do … right?” I like the first part of this, but should she ever directly address Trump? How about if she only addresses her comments to the moderator? THAT might cause Trump to really come after her and lose his cool. He’s going to bait her and try to get her to “jump in the pit” with him, and I think she has to avoid that at all costs. If he shows up, that is. I, too, would love to see Obama and Trump. What’s that old cartoon where someone (Bugs Bunny, maybe?) zig-zags his rapier through his opponent and the slices hang suspended in the air for a moment before collapsing into a heap on the ground. That would be beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/89 "2016-09-22T05:36:40Z")
OK, how about Clinton reply direct to moderator: “Lester, I’m sure Donald knows full well that the complexities of dealing the American public, dealing with Congress, dealing with international relations, indeed to whole office of President is much more complicated that an episode of Celebrity Apprentice” [after suitable pause] “However, if you weren’t sure why not ask him?” ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/90 "2016-09-22T06:23:53Z")
And Trump will respond with something along the lines of: “Hah! Of course I understand how to deal with these people! I’ve helped half of them get elected! They come to my office! They beg me for help to get them elected! And you know what? If they’re somebody I want to help, I help them. And after that they do what I say! And I’ll tell ya something else: when I do business with these guys (like I have before with your husband, btw) it’s all on the up and up too! I don’t need some phony and probably illegal foundation that they have to ‘donate’ to before they can talk to me to get favors, like they do with you and your husband!” And you wanna talk international complexities? I do business with the Chinese. They’re very tough people. Very smart people. I have lots of complex business dealings with the Chinese and they love me because they respect me. I don’t let 'em roll over me like your former boss does. When they make my products (which we’re going to put a stop to when I’m in office, btw) or lease space in my buildings, they sign the deals that I want them to sign! And they’re tough deals! But the Chinese are happy because they’re also great deals! We both make money! But they never take advantage of me and you better believe it!" ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/91 "2016-09-22T08:44:24Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > OK, how about > Clinton reply direct to moderator: “Lester, I’m sure Donald knows full well that the complexities of dealing the American public, dealing with Congress, dealing with international relations, indeed to whole office of President is much more complicated that an episode of Celebrity Apprentice” > > [after suitable pause] > “However, if you weren’t sure why not ask him?” Oh yeah. I like that a lot. Put the onus on the moderator. Excellent. And then let Trump blather thusly (and it is clearly blather): > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > And Trump will respond with something along the lines of: > > “Hah! Of course I understand how to deal with these people! I’ve helped half of them get elected! They come to my office! They beg me for help to get them elected! And you know what? If they’re somebody I want to help, I help them. And after that they do what I say! And I’ll tell ya something else: when I do business with these guys (like I have before with your husband, btw) it’s all on the up and up too! I don’t need some phony and probably illegal foundation that they have to ‘donate’ to before they can talk to me to get favors, like they do with you and your husband!” > > And you wanna talk international complexities? I do business with the Chinese. They’re very tough people. Very smart people. I have lots of complex business dealings with the Chinese and they love me because they respect me. I don’t let 'em roll over me like your former boss does. When they make my products (which we’re going to put a stop to when I’m in office, btw) or lease space in my buildings, they sign the deals that I want them to sign! And they’re tough deals! But the Chinese are happy because they’re also great deals! We both make money! But they never take advantage of me and you better believe it!" \ ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/92 "2016-09-22T10:26:34Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > And Trump will respond with something along the lines of: > > paraphrasing: > > I buy politicians > > I make lots of money in property deals with foreigners Now the _Trumpistas_ will love it, but they are already rusted on. Which undecided demographics might buy that argument? Which undecided demographics might think the bill of goods for a multistorey gold neon sign saying TRUMP XLV on the White House a bit much? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/93 "2016-09-22T10:47:29Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > Now the _Trumpistas_ will love it, but they are already rusted on. > Which undecided demographics might buy that argument? > Which undecided demographics might think the bill of goods for a multistorey gold neon sign saying TRUMP XLV on the White House a bit much? Oh man, dude. What did you do in the quote box? Apologize, fertheloveachrist, APOLOGIZE! ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/94 "2016-09-22T13:39:30Z")
Donald: Hillary, its obvious that you think I’m the worst possible thing that can happen to this country. I think YOU are the worst possible thing that could happen to this country. The WORST!! Even worse than Obama. The WORST!!! I am willing to do anything to keep you from becoming president, so I will make this offer, once and only once. You drop out of the race and i will drop out of the race. I think I picked a good running mate that would do a great job of running this country, do you have as much confidence in your running mate? This is your chance to get me out of the race. If you don’t take the offer, you are either saying that you and only you are capable of being the next president or you are lying about how awful you actually think I am, or you are putting your own ambitions ahead of the welfare of the country. I am willing to set aside my ambitions (and trust me I have ambitions) to prevent you from becoming president. Are you willing to do the same? Hillary: [fill in the blank] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/95 "2016-09-22T14:05:16Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > And if he mentions missing emails “Well, have you looked under your tax returns…?” > > 😃 I can’t really imagine that working out well for Hillary. Yeah, polls indicate that we the people want to see his tax returns, and he keeps on keeping them secret, and, okay, sure, What’s-He-Hiding and all that. But to mention that in the same breath as She-Can’t-Keep-Stuff-Secret seems like an unforced error on her part; heck, it’s probably the go-to response he’s _rehearsing,_ in anticipation of being asked about keeping his returns secret. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/96 "2016-09-22T14:47:29Z")
> [@](#): > > Hillary: [fill in the blank] [channeling Maggie Thatcher] QUIT? You quit if you want to. The Lady is not for quitting. [/channeling Maggie Thatcher] ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2016, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/97 "2016-09-22T14:58:03Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > I can’t really imagine that working out well for Hillary. > > Yeah, polls indicate that we the people want to see his tax returns, and he keeps on keeping them secret, and, okay, sure, What’s-He-Hiding and all that. > > But to mention that in the same breath as She-Can’t-Keep-Stuff-Secret seems like an unforced error on her part; heck, it’s probably the go-to response he’s _rehearsing,_ in anticipation of being asked about keeping his returns secret. I could see him pulling a stunt like he did on the Dr Oz show, and when asked about tax returns, he pulls some papers out of his coat pocket, saying “Oh, these tax returns?” Of course, the sheets of paper would be absolutely nothing, but in the middle of a debate no one will be able to check, and Trump will look great in front of the easily impressed masses. Another scenario I could see: the debate begins, and only Hillary is on stage. The news reporters wonder on baited breath where Trump is. Finally, 20 minutes late, he walks on stage to riotous applause. The reporters laud Trump for finally arriving, as if showing up late is a courageous accomplishment. Trump is all about lowering the bar, and sadly the news media is all too willing to follow him. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/98 "2016-09-23T02:08:12Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > [channeling Maggie Thatcher] > QUIT? You quit if you want to. The Lady is not for quitting. > [/channeling Maggie Thatcher] So then, do you think that your ambitions are more important than the welfare of the country or are you lying when you say that I would be bad for the country, not because I am a Republican but because I am Donald Trump. Because I think you’re horrible, so horrible that I am willing to give up my ambitions (and I’m an ambitious guy) to prevent you from being inflicted upon this country that I love so much. I don’t think you’re horrible for this country because you’re a Democrat, I have plenty of friends that are Democrats, I’d have to be a hermit if I lived in NYC and didn’t have friends that are Democrats. No, I think you’re horrible for this country because - you - Hillary Clinton - - regardless of party are horrible for this country. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/99 "2016-09-23T04:20:24Z")
"Donald, please. All the people in this auditorium, all the people watching at home, all the people tuning in around the world want to hear debate between candidates for the office of President of the United States of America. Diatribe is in room 12, next door." ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444/100 "2016-09-23T05:34:20Z")
> [@Anny\_Middon](#): > > Walk onstage, pretend to stumble, jump up, yell, “Live! From New York!” > > (Okay, younger folks won’t recognize the reference. But remember when Dole fell getting off the airplane? Older folks will assume you were talking about Chevy Chase. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-hillary-by-giving-her-a-great-debate-zinger/766444.md?page=6)