# Help! How to Meet Men??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 26, 2012, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150 "2012-05-26T08:24:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/41 "2012-05-28T14:39:10Z")
> [@saralee504](#): > > Probably an arm, two legs and a head. You’d be a multiple amputee then. I hear there are guys who are into that. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/42 "2012-05-28T16:25:10Z")
**SARALEE** I have a question What did you do this weekend/holiday? Just want to know if you are making any effort, not criticism, just a question Capt ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/43 "2012-05-28T22:16:13Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Honestly dopers, when are you going to learn your lesson about socks/trolls? Have I told you lately that I love you? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/44 "2012-05-28T22:32:28Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Honestly dopers, when are you going to learn your lesson about socks/trolls? Where’s the problem? If the OP is real, then we’re giving her the advice she asked for. If she’s a troll, then we’re giving her the attention she apparently needs. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/45 "2012-05-28T22:45:57Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Ok, but that still leaves 3-4 guys who are ruggedly handsome (one is even a firefighter!), That reminds me of my mom’s unsolicited advice to meet firemen: go to the fire station every day to get my blood pressure checked. She had to do that for a while because she actually had high blood pressure. My blood pressure is low and that would be kind of obvious (not to mention pathetic), so I didn’t take her advice. Then again, there are worse ideas… ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/46 "2012-05-29T01:57:10Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > That reminds me of my mom’s unsolicited advice to meet firemen: go to the fire station every day to get my blood pressure checked. She had to do that for a while because she actually had high blood pressure. My blood pressure is low and that would be kind of obvious (not to mention pathetic), so I didn’t take her advice. Then again, there are worse ideas… If you’re imaginative enough, you’ll be able to create a situation where you meet firemen, policemen, doctors and lawyers. You can’t lose! ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/47 "2012-05-29T02:04:39Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > If you’re imaginative enough, you’ll be able to create a situation where you meet firemen, policemen, doctors and lawyers. You can’t lose! Well now I have my plans for next weekend 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/48 "2012-05-29T02:13:06Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > If you’re imaginative enough, you’ll be able to create a situation where you meet firemen, policemen, doctors and lawyers. You can’t lose! Go to a Village People concert? I don’t think that’ll work out so good… ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/49 "2012-05-29T05:10:11Z")
And that my friends was a trifecta, nice job and well played 😃 ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/50 "2012-05-29T12:33:49Z")
> [@saralee504](#): > > I’m 23yrs old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never had sex and I didn’t experience my 1st kiss til I was 22. First kiss at around 24 (I think). First girlfriend at just past my 26th birthday. I was together with her for 9.5 years before it all went wrong and I’m now together with someone new that is absolutely amazing. You’re young, there’s plenty of time. Stop panicking. Regarding social anxiety, I’d recommend forcing yourself to take up something that not only forces you to deal with other people but to be actually physical with them. It could be a martial art, for example. Personally I dance Lindy Hop, which means I regularly am holding several different women a night in my arms, it just becomes second nature. I also met my current girlfriend there 😉 As an added bonus, due to the regular strenuous activity, a lot of the people there are in quite good condition and attractive. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/51 "2012-05-29T12:35:03Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > Have I told you lately that I love you? Aha, a comrade-in-arms. Ironic huggles. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/52 "2012-05-29T14:01:45Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Honestly dopers, when are you going to learn your lesson about socks/trolls? If you doubt the veracity of the OP and need to vent about it, please do so in the Pit. Keep accusations of trolling out of IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/53 "2012-05-29T15:30:02Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Originally Posted by MichaelEmouse > If you’re imaginative enough, you’ll be able to create a situation where you meet firemen, policemen, doctors and lawyers. You can’t lose! > > Well now I have my plans for next weekend Yeah, but the trick is to NOT be charged with multiple felonies! > [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Honestly dopers, when are you going to learn your lesson about socks/trolls? Right..because a 24 year old virgin on the SDMB is so out of character! ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/54 "2012-05-29T15:45:41Z")
Ok OP, I’m not gonna go too nuts with this but here we go with two schools of thought. I just moved for the summer to a brand new place (Woo Gulf Shores! 4 months vacation!) and I know literally no one. No friends, no nothin’. What I ended up doing with a friends advice is joining okcupid (as someone has already linked to) and literally just asking everyone in the area to talk to me and make friends. This has worked out relatively OK for me since I met one person on there who’s been pretty cool. I kinda say that to say this: If you haven’t joined okcupid it’s free and painless and with all of the problems I have in my life (plus I’m only three years older than you) I am very very receptive to people and their deep problems, look me up, we can just chat and be completely hands free (I doubt you’re even in this part of the country) and just be that soundboard that you need. Second thing is this. If you are lacking confidence to talk to people there is a quick and easy way to build confidence. Go to the mall and for 30 min just walk around it and walk up to, or by, people and just say “Hi”. There is not a human being in this world who won’t say hi back. Just do that for a while, get the confidence to talk to strangers and simply say hi. Once you’re ok with that then go up to them and say “Hi my name is **saraleee** how are you today?” Most people will give a paltry “fine thanks, how are you?” but it’s something…a bit more conversation. Once you’ve done that enough than you’ll be better with coming up to people randomly at bars and clubs and stuff and get talking with people. In a lot of ways you and I are the same, I see a lot of myself in your posts…age, life experience, the whole deal. I’m not gonna talk down to you or tell you what to do…but honestly if you need a completely neutral friend who’s your same age and life situation…look me up, I love to talk to people 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/55 "2012-05-29T15:54:05Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Honestly dopers, when are you going to learn your lesson about socks/trolls? Suspicion is such an ugly thing, **Jeanie**. Here, direct from a Usenet text file I had saved since the early 1990s – yes, folks, the text I’m about to paste was once stored on a 5.25" floppy disk – is a very [del]helpful[/del] hilarious set of questions and answers. The references to “writer for a humor magazine” make me suspect it’s original provenance was a humor magazine, but beyond that, I have no idea who the original author was: > [@](#): > > WHAT KIND OF MAN MAKES THE BEST LOVER? > Unfortunately, many men who seem attractive on the surface are > actually strongly homosexual, often without even knowing it. Men with lean > waists, overdeveloped chests, arms and clean skin are actually unconsciously > obsessed by male bodies. > > You should stay far away from men who are athletes or rock stars, and men > who feel compelled to dress in fancy suits with clean shirts and > polished shoes. These “men” often have a compulsion to spend money on > sumptuous meals, taxicabs, and expensive trinkets to compensate for their > affliction. Experienced, self-confident lovers, the kind you want, > don’t need to alter the natural contours of their bodies. They are > content with slender arms, relaxed chests, and waists with a comfortable > amount of flesh, which can come in handy during moments of intimacy (why do > you think they call them “love handles”?) Introspective, thoughtful > men with a sense of humor are especially valuable; men who write humorous > magazine material, for example. > > One other tip: Married men can be depended on not to cause > embarrassing rumors about you at home or school. Men on short business trips > are discreet, grateful, and particularly driven by passion. Look for > them! > > HOW…“BIG”…SHOULD A MAN BE? > Don’t by shy. It’s an important question, and one surrounded by confusion. > The average man’s penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men substantially > larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to cure their > condition. In thickness, the average man is somewhat larger than > a ball-point pen. > > HOW…“LONG”…SHOULD A MAN LAST? > Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderable > thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for up > to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you’ll find a man who can > “last” as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don’t let your girlfriends know > you’ve landed owe of these desireable “sixty second wonders.” > > HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M HAVING AN ORGASM? > The female orgasm is a sensation that’s very hard to put into > words, but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it “feels like > something inside of you.” When a man’s penis is inside your vagina, or mouth > or buttocks, that is an orgasm. You’ll find a really skilled over > applies the same techniques to love as a gourmet does to a meal; he “leaves a > little something on your plate.” When, after intercourse, you feel a vague > sensation that there could be “more to come,” that “vaguely unsatisfied” > feeling," then you can be sure you’ve experienced a sexually memorable > adventure. > > WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM? > There is no such thing. > > WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX? > This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes. > If you look at pictures of a man and a woman, you’ll see the a man’s penis > fits naturally into a woman’s mouth. On the other hand, a man’s mouth > does not naturally fit into a woman’s vagina. Thus, a woman orally > stimulating a man is performing a “natural” act. But a man seeking to put his > mouth on or near your vagina is committing an “unnatural” act (why do you > think they call the vagina your “private parts”?) > > WHAT IS AFTERPLAY? > Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh, > followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and > you, are “GIB.” Another example of male “afterplay” is his turning on a > football or basketball game immediately after climax. > Many women find a particularly satisfying postcoital experience in > going into the kitchen and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along > with a light snack, sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put > back depleted calories. > > WHAT IS IMPOTENCE? > Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man > properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when she tries > to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with him. > If this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV > or getting your man a sandwich. Another really good “foreplay” > technique is to invite a really good-looking girl friend over, and do > whatever he asks, to him or to each other, while he watches. > > HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE? > One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your > dress. Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all > help get your man’s attention. Also, don’t keep playing “one on one.” > Invite your more attractive and energetic girl friends over to take part. > Another technique. and we think the best, is to use anonymous > names. Have your lover call himself “Mr. Smith.” Don’t let him tell you > where he lives, or his home telephone number. You’ll find it lends an air > of real “mystery” to the affair. > > HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN? > When looking for the ideal man, about twenty-five to forty, married, on a > business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his masculinity, > go over to a Ramada Inn or Holiday Inn cocktail lounge about 8:30 at night. > Look around the room, then, when you’ve found your man, unbutton the top > three or four buttons on your blouse, wink at him, walk over and whisper > in his ear, “You’re cute, can I buy you a drink?” This is a real > conversation icebreaker and things will naturally progress from here. > > SOME OTHER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS: > “If I get pregnant, how do I know who the father is?” > There is absolutely no way to tell. > “What’s the best way to keep my teeth and skin looking healthy and > shiny?” > One of the best and most frequently neglected substances is semen. > The more you can somehow get on your teeth an skin, the better you’ll > look. > “What are some “loving nicknames” we can use?” > You should always call him “Mr. Smith.” You can also call him “King > Kong,” “Master,” or “stud.” Men often call their favorite lovers “Hey you” > or “Uh, Miss?” > “Where should a man take me?” > Because so many homosexual men like to take their “dates” out for > fancy meals, look for the man who will send you out to a local Arby’s or > McDonalds for a sandwich. That means his mind is not on food, so > you know what he’s thinking about. > “What happens if he doesn’t call?” > He may be trying to keep the romance alive; go out every few weeks > to your local Ramada Inn or Holiday Inn cocktail lounge and look to see if > he’s come back. If he doesn’t, find another person who sort of looks > like him and maybe write or works for a humor magazine, can try the “Can I > buy you a drink?” technique with him. You may find you’ve met a new, > exciting lover. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/56 "2012-05-29T17:06:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > He’s wearing a short skirt and tan go-go boots. I suppose that’s kind of awesome. lol, I guess you have a limited appreciation for heavy leather. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/57 "2012-05-29T17:11:12Z")
> [@saralee504](#): > > Lol… Is that your profile? Couldn’t even see it. Looks like I have to create an account just to view it… It is, OKC is a free site. I kinda like it because of the huge questions system that allows you to cover alot of “dealbreaker” issues as part of the match system. On many sites I spend alot of time filtering the fundies from the more religiously flexible. By making the question “would you date an athiest?” a mandatory yes, it bumps the no answers way down the list. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/58 "2012-05-29T19:19:19Z")
Honestly I just now realized I never gave you my OKC name TCups84 Anyone can hit me up any time ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/59 "2012-05-29T20:05:20Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Suspicion is such an ugly thing, **Jeanie**. > > Here, direct from a Usenet text file I had saved since the early 1990s – yes, folks, the text I’m about to paste was once stored on a 5.25" floppy disk – is a very [del]helpful[/del] hilarious set of questions and answers. The references to “writer for a humor magazine” make me suspect it’s original provenance was a humor magazine, but beyond that, I have no idea who the original author was: **Bricker** , I am 99% sure that is from [National Lampoon’s Another Dirty Book](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51XxYPMQ0BL._SL500_AA300_.jpg). I have a copy of it around here somewhere. mmm ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150/60 "2012-05-29T21:05:50Z")
Saying you won’t date online is kind of like saying you won’t look for a job online- you are cutting out one of your most valuable tools. Something like one in five marriages started via online dating. Your choices are basically to wander around blindly hoping to run someone who is attractive to you, is attracted to you, doesn’t have any major deal breakers, and happens to be single (good luck!) or just go online and see a whole list of people who fit your needs and want to meet people like you. Yeah, it’s awkward, sets you up for rejection, and can be nerve-wracking. Life is tough sometimes, and you aren’t going to get very far if you never put yourself out there. Nobody ever got their head cut off meeting for a coffee at Starbucks. Stop making excuses and either make steps towards what you want, or stop complaining. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-how-to-meet-men/623150.md?page=4)