# Help! I need a clue on etiquette!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 5, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687 "2003-01-05T00:01:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/1 "2003-01-05T00:01:24Z")
**The background:** I did a favor for a friend and hooked up his in-laws’ DVD player that he bought them for Christmas. I hooked it into their existing surround-sound receiver and large-screen television and showed them how to operate it. I had to make some modifications to their entertainment center, so I used a hole saw and cut a hole (in an appropriate place!) and re-routed some of their wiring, so it was more presentable. Also while I was there, I found that the center channel speaker wasn’t working correctly on the surround sound, so I fixed that, too. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, and I was happy to do it as a favor to my friend; I think I spent about an hour there, maybe a little more. I thought no more of it, until today. **The dilemma:** Today, in the mail, I received a card from my friend’s in-laws. Scribbled inside the card was a heart-felt thank you note, along with a $40(!) gift card to Chili’s. BONUSSSSSS!!! Now, however, I am in a conundrum. If it had been a simple “thank you” card, I would have probably just left it alone…but now I feel somehow compelled/obligated to acknowledge the appreciation gift. **The question:** Is acknowledging the gift card with another thank-you note of my own appropriate, or is it improper etiquette?? I wait with eager anticipation for the replies from my fellow non-etiquette-challenged Dopers!! Thanks!! - Dirk ---
**Author:** ![mister\_me](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@mister\_me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mister_me)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/2 "2003-01-05T00:13:30Z")
I’ve been in a situation such as that myself. I would say the best way to handle it would be to send a simple thank-you card with a small note telling them that you really appreciate the gift card - it was a ‘pleasent surprise’. Don’t say that ‘they didn’t have to do that’, or ‘you only did it as a favor’. Just say thank you and leave it at that. ---
**Author:** ![hobbes730](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/97f17d/32.png) [@hobbes730](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobbes730)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/3 "2003-01-05T00:20:53Z")
You might mention a thanks next time you see your friend, but apart from that, I would consider the gift-certificate a simple token of appreciation for a job well-done, not requiring any formal thanks. “Thank you.” “Thank you.” “No, thank you.” “No, thank YOU.” “No no no, really, thank YOU.” Where does it stop, you know? 🙂 Any other opinions? ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/4 "2003-01-05T00:22:12Z")
It never hurts, and at least they’d know your little gift didn’t get lost in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Murasaki312a](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Murasaki312a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murasaki312a)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/5 "2003-01-05T00:22:47Z")
I would say that it can never be inappropriate to say “Thank you”, but it can be inappropriate not to…So just to be safe, I would send a simple note. It could even be a funny note that says “Thank you for the thank you!” with smiles (I have done this before and it went over well). ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/6 "2003-01-05T00:32:47Z")
Maybe it’s the lingering voice of mom in my head, but a thank you (handwritten) is in order. Maybe something like “Thank you for the gift, I will think of your kindness as I enjoy my dinner out with a special friend.” Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/7 "2003-01-05T00:39:10Z")
A thank-you card doesn’t require a thank you in return, but there was a gift enclosed, which _does_ require a thank-you note. Just don’t send them a gift certificate, or it’ll turn into a vicious cycle. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/8 "2003-01-05T00:47:42Z")
Or, you could call them up and belch! My name is podcain. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/9 "2003-01-05T04:15:11Z")
What **Podkayne** said. **mangeorge** , you naughty. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/10 "2003-01-05T04:34:40Z")
If you like them, why not invite them out to lunch at Chilli’s with you? If not, I second the idea of just sending a simple “thank you” note. ---
**Author:** ![Mammie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/49beb7/32.png) [@Mammie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mammie)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-need-a-clue-on-etiquette/146687/11 "2003-01-05T04:57:34Z")
Just write a simple thank you mentioning the gift certificate and you’ve got yourself covered. End of story. 😉