# Help! I wanna be cool! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 2, 2001, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142 "2001-01-02T21:31:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/21 "2001-01-03T15:45:21Z")
I dunno. I always thought that wearing black leather meant you were trying too damn hard. It is FATAL to be perceived as trying too hard to be cool. Leather jackets are okay if you used to fly aerial battles over Passchendaele in World War I, and you hated to throw the jacket away after the Armistice. (If that’s the case, you can also get away with wearing the fur-lined leather helmet and goggles.) Otherwise it looks like you’re trying too hard. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/22 "2001-01-03T16:07:13Z")
Go get yourself some cheap sunglasses. 'cause when you’re cool, the sun shines on you 24 hours a day. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/23 "2001-01-03T16:36:18Z")
First of all don Jaime, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” And five, now this is the most important, don Jaime. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. ---
**Author:** ![don\_Jaime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b4bc9f/32.png) [@don\_Jaime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_Jaime)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/24 "2001-01-03T18:26:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _Quoth Zoggie:_ > **Procure a leather jacket. Don’t go for the shades and the bandana, that’d be overkill…Be silent a lot. Taciturn people are respected more than chatty noisemakers. > Be very careless. Caring about things and getting all emotional is not cool. You have to look like you don’t give a box of Crispy Toads about anything.** My leather jacket is too small - bare wrists are only cool on girls. Silence gets me ignored. I bump into things a lot…oh. Yeah, I don’t care. Maybe that’s why I get ignored. > [@](#): > > _Quoth Mr. Cynical:_ > **First of all don Jaime, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” And five, now this is the most important, don Jaime. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.** Might work. But isn’t Led Zep considered geeky these days? > [@](#): > > _Quoth choosybeggar:_ > **Buy all the electronic equipment you can afford. Computers, wide screen HDTV, DVD, DAT, home theater sound system, more computers, a laptop, PDA, cell phone, the works. Cram it all into your finished dungeon of an apartment, in the basement of a suburban house (you have your own entrance, WooHoo!!!) Next drive to said apartment in your late model Nissan Maxima, sports package, loaded to the gills. Park outside. Go in. Jam in your pick for best film 2000, Fight Club.** B&W portable and a Walkman with a dead battery…check. 2000 NisMax, baby blue with the shiny wheels I had to argue with the guy to leave on the car…check. _Fight Club_…eh. I think _Dude, Where’s My Car_ would get me about as far. But then, I’m still learning cool. > [@](#): > > _Quoth KitKhat:_ > **One other thing: good shoes.** > [@](#): > > _Quoth EnderW23:_ > **Go get yourself some cheap sunglasses.** Check. Double check. > [@](#): > > _Quoth betenoir:_ > **It’s well established that the only way to be cool is to smoke cigarettes and do drugs. It’s true. I saw an afterschool special about it.** Fuck! > [@](#): > > _Quoth stray:_ > **First off, you gotta be from brooklyn…** _Fuck!_ Okay, I’ve got some components already and know what I need to add. Anything else I need to know about? And is there anywhere to practice so I can be polished? ---
**Author:** ![Screwtape](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Screwtape](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Screwtape)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/25 "2001-01-03T18:50:16Z")
Trying to be cool is like chasing a butterfly, or polishing a tile for a mirror, or meditating to become a Buddha. If you want to be cool, the first thing you must do is **quit caring about whether or not you’re cool!** Think about whoever is your personal icon for cool. Do they care about being cool? If this is a celebrity chances are their image is made by committee, so it doesn’t count. Cool is not something you have, it’s a quality observed by others while you’re doing something else. Do you like guitar? Fine! Get one a learn to play it **really well.** While you’re playing, you’ll be cool - until you think about how cool you are, then you’re not cool. Buying clothes because they’re cool is not cool. Anything done in pursuit of cool drives it away. There’s a story in one of the Terry Pratchett books where the Monks of Cool have a test for cool. The candidate is shown racks and racks of the most stylish, hippest, trendiest, bleeding edge fashion and told to pick the coolest clothes in the room. The only correct answer is: “Whatever I have on.” Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/26 "2001-01-03T19:00:27Z")
[little zen bastard taking over my mind] Not to let yourself get caught up in trying to be cool is the way. Just ask Yoda. Everybody loves Yoda. Do, or do not. There is no try. _Your_ ‘cool’ is not my ‘cool’ My primordial nature has no liking for the life in the cities. To be free from the noise I built a little thatched cottage far away in the depth of the mountains. Wandering here and there I carry no thought. When spring comes I watch the birds; in summer I bathe in the running stream; in autumn I climb the highest peaks; during the winter I am warming up in the sun. Thus I enjoy the real flavor of the seasons. - Shih t’ao (1641-1717) apply this to your cool [/little zen bastard taking over my mind] And don’t forget your red snakeskin jacket. punk snot dead, broccoli! ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/27 "2001-01-03T19:28:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > \*\*First of all don Jaime, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” > > Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” > > Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” > > Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” > > And five, now this is the most important, don Jaime. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. > > \*\* Right, Mr. Damone. But all this didn’t help you when you were busted for scalping. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/28 "2001-01-03T20:23:29Z")
Whenever possible, emulate Zaphod Beeblebrox, the Coolest Man in the Universe. Note: Understanding this reference is most definitely Not Cool. ---
**Author:** ![Sn-man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sn-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sn-man)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/29 "2001-01-03T21:30:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Screwtape \* > \*\*Trying to be cool is like chasing a butterfly, or polishing a tile for a mirror, or meditating to become a Buddha. > > If you want to be cool, the first thing you must do is **quit caring about whether or not you’re cool!** > > Think about whoever is your personal icon for cool. Do they care about being cool? If this is a celebrity chances are their image is made by committee, so it doesn’t count. > > Cool is not something you have, it’s a quality observed by others while you’re doing something else. Do you like guitar? Fine! Get one a learn to play it **really well.** While you’re playing, you’ll be cool - until you think about how cool you are, then you’re not cool. > > Buying clothes because they’re cool is not cool. Anything done in pursuit of cool drives it away. There’s a story in one of the Terry Pratchett books where the Monks of Cool have a test for cool. The candidate is shown racks and racks of the most stylish, hippest, trendiest, bleeding edge fashion and told to pick the coolest clothes in the room. The only correct answer is: > > “Whatever I have on.” > > Hope this helps. \*\* I can just see **Screwtape** with a shaved head, kneeling next to a small gong. He strikes it and informs you to listen to the sound, find where the sound ends and the silence begins. He tells you to exist in that moment. Then proceeds to enlighten you with the contents of his post. 😃 He’s right too! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142/30 "2001-01-16T21:01:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Saltire \* > \*\*Right, Mr. Damone. But all this didn’t help you when you were busted for scalping. \*\* We have a winnah! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-i-wanna-be-cool/48142.md?page=1)