# Help! I've been stuck on the ceiling since 6. Should I have been outside for this? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741 "2011-05-22T01:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/1 "2011-05-22T01:52:29Z")
Okay, so I fell asleep in front of the TV after an early dinner then I wake up bouncing up against the ceiling. I hung there naked for quite a while not knowing what to do. I finally managed to inch my way across the ceiling and pulled myself down a pipe to a position where I could grab my laptop. Of course grabbing the laptop meant letting go of the pipe so now I’m on the ceiling again. I can’t inch back over to the pipe without letting go of the laptop and likely breaking it when it crashes to the floor. The WiFi is up and the extension cord reaches to the ceiling so I should be able to remain on line for a while so I figured the Dope was the place to ask for help. First off, why me? I’m not exactly a faithful Christian. Is there some way I can get “un-raptured”? I generally find it hard to tolerate the kind of people who are into this sort of thing and I think the feeling is mutual for most of them. Barring that, is there some way I can get on with this rather than being stuck on the ceiling for who knows how long? How can I can open the door and get down the steps to the first floor (I live in a second floor apartment) and out the front door? Has anyone here had a similar experience (I’m guessing not)? Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can rectify this situation in some way? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/2 "2011-05-22T01:54:16Z")
I thought the Rapture disappeared you to heaven, not made you stuck up against the ceiling? ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/3 "2011-05-22T01:59:44Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I thought the Rapture disappeared you to heaven, not made you stuck up against the ceiling? As I understand it, you bodily ascend into the sky. Admittedly, I’m not a biblical scholar so I could be mistaken but realistically is there any other possible explanation for my current situation? Apparently I’m supposed to be ascending to Heaven but the ceiling is in the way. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/4 "2011-05-22T02:02:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Is there some way I can get “un-raptured”? Have you tried sinning? You’ve got a laptop and an Internet connection–download some porn! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/5 "2011-05-22T02:06:11Z")
1. Move yourself over the bed. 2. Tell Jesus you don’t accept Him as your savior anymore. 3. Plummet. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/6 "2011-05-22T02:06:39Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Have you tried sinning? You’ve got a laptop and an Internet connection–download some porn! Oh, I tried that an hour ago. The porn sites won’t load.There appears to be some kind of filter in place for my location (or at least the location I’m supposed to be at by now). ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/7 "2011-05-22T02:08:17Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > 1. Move yourself over the bed. > 2. Tell Jesus you don’t accept Him as your savior anymore. > 3. Plummet. I stopped believing in that stuff when I was a kid so I already don’t accept him. I think there’s been some kind of records mix up. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/8 "2011-05-22T02:11:05Z")
It’s probably just gas. Fart. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/9 "2011-05-22T02:11:21Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I stopped believing in that stuff when I was a kid so I already don’t accept him. I think there’s been some kind of records mix up. You’re caught in The Heavenly Kingdom’s bureaucracy. You’ll be up there for _years._ 😃 Red tape has nothing on gold ribbons. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/10 "2011-05-22T05:28:53Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I think there’s been some kind of records mix up. [Could be worse](http://www.misfile.com/index.php?page=26) - check to see if you still have your manly bits. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/11 "2011-05-22T06:09:09Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I think there’s been some kind of records mix up. I called in a couple of months ago and made sure to get my name on the “Do Not Rapture” list. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/12 "2011-05-22T07:16:23Z")
You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/13 "2011-05-22T14:07:15Z")
You mean god can move you into heaven, but is stopped by your ceiling. Not very powerful is she. Reminds what a friend told me many years ago (at least 50). He was talking to a nun who told him that she wore a gown when she showered so that god couldn’t see her naked. So god can see all the way from heaven to earth, see through walls and ceilings, but is blocked by a thin robe? By the way, do nuns really wear a thin robe while showering? Do they ever change robes? Do they learn how to change robes without ever being naked? The mind boggles. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/14 "2011-05-22T14:17:08Z")
Make your way toward the window. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/15 "2011-05-22T14:37:28Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Have you tried sinning? You’ve got a laptop and an Internet connection–download some porn! Bes post of the month. Yessiree. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/16 "2011-05-22T15:06:22Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I think there’s been some kind of records mix up. It could be [worse](http://www.misfile.com/index.php?page=8). ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/17 "2011-05-22T15:08:42Z")
Teh Ceiling Cat of us, whu haz cheezeburger, yu be spechul Yu ordered cheezburgerz, Wut yu want, yu gets, srsly. In ceiling and on teh flor. Giv us dis day our dalee cheezburger. And furgiv us for makin yu a cookie, but eateding it. And we furgiv kittehs who be steelin our bukkits. An do not let us leed into teh showa, but deliver us from teh wawter. Ceiling Cat pwns all. He pwns teh ceiling and teh floor and walls too. Forevur and evuhr. Amen. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/18 "2011-05-22T15:32:52Z")
I thinl I fell asleep. Fortunately the laptop was between me and the ceiling. > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > You mean god can move you into heaven, but is stopped by your ceiling. Not very powerful is she. Reminds what a friend told me many years ago (at least 50). He was talking to a nun who told him that she wore a gown when she showered so that god couldn’t see her naked. So god can see all the way from heaven to earth, see through walls and ceilings, but is blocked by a thin robe? > > By the way, do nuns really wear a thin robe while showering? Do they ever change robes? Do they learn how to change robes without ever being naked? The mind boggles. You want biblical exegesis? Talk to a freaking theologian. Damn. Now you’ve got me thinking about other things, but when I search for “nun porn” all I get is that damned _Kingdom of Heaven Data Services_ “virtue filter” saying “Did you mean [www.landoverbaptist.org](http://www.landoverbaptist.org) or perhaps [www.chick.com](http://www.chick.com)?” > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Make your way toward the window. To inch across the ceiling I’d have to drop the laptop. That might be worth it if I was relatively sure of success, but even if I did get to a window I can’t reach the window locks from up here. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/19 "2011-05-22T16:16:42Z")
Okay, I used the IP address of that virtue filter thing to try to track down the owners and emailed the tech contact to explain my situation. Hopefully they’ll forward it to someone who can rectify this. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741/20 "2011-05-22T16:39:48Z")
I always keep a pair of lead balloons handy for these sorts of emergencies. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-ive-been-stuck-on-the-ceiling-since-6-should-i-have-been-outside-for-this/582741.md?page=2)