# Help me action an item! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465 "2006-11-15T00:18:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![IGJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/igjoe/32/5420_2.png) [@IGJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGJoe)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/1 "2006-11-15T00:18:06Z")
The IT team at work got an email today telling us to follow up on an issue we were having. It said, in part: > [@](#): > > Team, > > Please see the email below and action this item with any users encountering the issue and confirm if the issue is now resolved. > > Thanks . Please _action_ this _item_??? C’mon, do people actually write like this? I always sort of hoped it was just a big joke that Scott Adams made up… I’d like to reply in the most corporate-speak way possible. Anyone want to help me let the Boss know that my Items have been Actioned? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/2 "2006-11-15T00:38:54Z")
As a lawyer\*, I advise you to avoid doing anything actionable. - I am most certainly not a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/3 "2006-11-15T00:45:29Z")
[QUOTE=IGJoe] I’d like to reply in the most corporate-speak way possible. Anyone want to help me let the Boss know that my Items have been Actioned? [/QUOTE] Excuse me, _I_ speak “Corporate”! Ahem. “Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I volunteer to drive this to resolution, and will touch bases with you upon completion.” ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/4 "2006-11-15T01:04:11Z")
“Our team will own this issue and leverage our skills to bring about a win-win for us and our users. It will require us to think outside the box, but we will action this item until we develop a value proposition on the deliverables.” ---
**Author:** ![IGJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/igjoe/32/5420_2.png) [@IGJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGJoe)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/5 "2006-11-15T01:33:40Z")
[QUOTE=NailBunny] Excuse me, _I_ speak “Corporate”! [/QUOTE] No offence intended, unless you deserve it of course. 😛 **freckafree** , that’s damn good! And a little scary. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/6 "2006-11-15T02:51:21Z")
Hey, I’ll play. Dunno if it’s any good, but here goes… “FYI, we have accepted ownership of this concern. In actioning this item, please be advised that we have tasked Bob and Sue with confirmation and follow-up, thus maximizing our support capabilities from both a proactive and a reactive standpoint, and in doing so, providing the company with timely and accurate responses from the user base in the event of further concerns.” ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/7 "2006-11-15T03:05:00Z")
Whatever else you do, don’t forget to “close the loop”. Managers get all pissy if you don’t “close the loop”. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/8 "2006-11-15T03:09:57Z")
Feedback from the end users indicates that the workflow has been restored to peak efficiency. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/9 "2006-11-15T03:09:59Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] “FYI, we have accepted ownership of this concern. In actioning this item, please be advised that we have tasked Bob and Sue with confirmation and follow-up, thus maximizing our support capabilities from both a proactive and a reactive standpoint, and in doing so, providing the company with timely and accurate responses from the user base in the event of further concerns.” [/QUOTE] And that fills up my Buzzword Bingo card. BINGO! **IGJoe** , please send the original in to Scott Adams! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/10 "2006-11-15T03:15:02Z")
Why stop at misusing one word? Transform the entire message. > [@](#): > > Teamed, > > Pleasing sight specific emailing lowering joining action your itemize unified variety uses encounter your issuing wow confirmation condition them issued being present resolution. > > Thankful ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/11 "2006-11-15T03:32:17Z")
[QUOTE=IGJoe] **freckafree** , that’s damn good! And a little scary. [/QUOTE] One must know one’s enemy in order to defeat him/her. When I hear someone use the incredibly hackneyed “think outside the box” as a metaphor for fresh, creative thinking, it makes me want to slap the shit out of them. Oh, wait, that was a different thread… ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/12 "2006-11-15T05:09:33Z")
This thread would not be complete without a mention of [The adventures of ACTION ITEM!](http://www.fatalexception.org/action_item.html) ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/13 "2006-11-15T08:01:49Z")
Reply as follows: “After 12 hours on eBay, item successfully auctioned. Winning bid of $3.43 submitted by 12-year old Melissa Hawkins of Ponca City, OK. Most departmental furniture and equipment thrown in to sweeten deal.” Or, more enigmatically: “Noun successfully verbed. Lexical inventory depleted.” ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/14 "2006-11-15T10:27:20Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] One must know one’s enemy in order to defeat him/her. When I hear someone use the incredibly hackneyed “think outside the box” as a metaphor for fresh, creative thinking, it makes me want to slap the shit out of them. Oh, wait, that was a different thread… [/QUOTE] I was told I was great at thinking outside the box. My reply was always, " You didn’t budget me a box so I had to improvise." Any good reply should also make some mention of improvements to ROI, increased turns, or expense reduction. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/15 "2006-11-15T11:46:29Z")
[QUOTE=drachillix] I was told I was great at thinking outside the box. My reply was always, " You didn’t budget me a box so I had to improvise." [/QUOTE] 🙂 I gotta remember that one! ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/16 "2006-11-15T13:31:04Z")
Obviously, everyone in this thread is leveraging their synergies and taking full ownership of the task at hand. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/17 "2006-11-15T14:06:40Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] Hey, I’ll play. Dunno if it’s any good, but here goes… “FYI, we have accepted ownership of this concern. In actioning this item, please be advised that we have tasked Bob and Sue with confirmation and follow-up, thus maximizing our support capabilities from both a proactive and a reactive standpoint, and in doing so, providing the company with timely and accurate responses from the user base in the event of further concerns.” [/QUOTE] Great response! But as someone who works as a government contractor, I worry that you’ve overdone it by using the active voice, an action verb, and worst of all, to have clearly identified responsibility: “we have tasked Bob and Sue with…”. Truly great corpspeak seeks the comfortable murkiness of plausible deniability. One doesn’t want to accidentally accept a new duty, especially one that might be permanent. My recommendation would be to slightly amend as follows: “…please be advised that conditional implementation of actioning will go forward on an ad-hoc basis, to maximize suport capabilities…” and insert “Please direct inquiries to Bob and Sue” at the end. Note that you’re not explicitly assigning to Bob and Sue, you’re just _implying_ that you might have. Further note that using the lovely “go forward” buzzphrase has obscured whether you mean “this one will proceed thusly” or “future ones will be handled this way”. “Ad-hoc” protects you from claims that this is now a permanent arrangement, while _implying_ that you had to scramble (Proactively, no less) as a manager to make it happen. In all the confusion, you get away with not having to spell out the condtions that might define “conditional implementation”. 🙂 Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/18 "2006-11-15T16:46:28Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] Reply as follows: “After 12 hours on eBay, item successfully auctioned. Winning bid of $3.43 submitted by 12-year old Melissa Hawkins of Ponca City, OK. Most departmental furniture and equipment thrown in to sweeten deal.” [/QUOTE] _snort_ This is so damn good… ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/19 "2006-11-15T16:48:22Z")
For god’s sake, what about 6 sigma? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465/20 "2006-11-15T16:53:15Z")
[QUOTE=Sailboat] Great response! But as someone who works as a government contractor, I worry that you’ve overdone it by using the active voice, an action verb, and worst of all, to have clearly identified responsibility: “we have tasked Bob and Sue with…”. Truly great corpspeak seeks the comfortable murkiness of plausible deniability. One doesn’t want to accidentally accept a new duty, especially one that might be permanent. [/QUOTE] Perhaps you could substitue “Bob and Sue” with an acronym. “We have tasked the SRT with…” No need to explain what it means. If they don’t know, they won’t understand. However you end up replying to this, make sure you do the needful. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-action-an-item/380465.md?page=2)