# Help me be more witty **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953 "2006-12-05T17:30:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/1 "2006-12-05T17:30:41Z")
I’m a generally nice girl, I take into account other people’s feelings a lot but others are not so considerate. So when people tease me, it really gets to me. All my teasers happen to be boys. What can I do about this!! It’s really starting to ruin my days at school. And no, I can’t talk to any teachers about it because it’s the annoying type where the teacher can’t do anything about it. I thought that if I just take the teasing (ie. ignore) they’ll stop but it clearly doesn’t work. Please help! ---
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/2 "2006-12-05T17:32:25Z")
Oh and also it’s different boys in different classes. So I’m screwed basically. I’m so sure that if I was witty then they would leave me alone but it’s just not in my nature to be witty. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/3 "2006-12-05T17:52:21Z")
I’m sorry to hear it, and I will try to keep from mentioning that sometimes boys tease if they like you. But only you will know how it feels and might be intended. The trouble with trying to be witty about it is once you think of the right comeback, you’ll be faced with some other teasing and it won’t be fitting anymore. I got chronically teased by one guy (not because he liked me) and 25 years later I still feel like if I saw him I would kick him in the junk. I hope you work yours out better than I did. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/4 "2006-12-05T17:56:43Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] I’m sorry to hear it, and I will try to keep from mentioning that sometimes boys tease if they like you. But only you will know how it feels and might be intended. [/QUOTE] I’m guilty of being one who teases because I like you. I also try to start out as gently as possible and to keep it good natured so feelings don’t get hurt. Seriously, if you don’t like it, you’ll do much better by telling them to cool it than by trying to play along. ---
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/5 "2006-12-05T18:01:15Z")
Thanks, I really doubt that they “like” me in that way (although it’s not impossible), they’re just generally those prickish kind of boys that are just those kind of people. “Jocks” in a way except they’re not all good at sport. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/6 "2006-12-05T19:23:34Z")
If you can appear to not care very much what they say one way or another, that may help. So if they’re just trying to entertain themselves at your expense, let your reactions be boring. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/7 "2006-12-05T19:48:04Z")
Hmmm…when I look back over my previous post, I realize that it really wasn’t very helpful. If you want to give more details of your situation, maybe you’d get more specific advice. Anyway, I think there are a lot of people here who had to go through horrible teasing (I know I did), and we know it’s not easy to ignore. Maybe I could rephrase my first post as “Try not to over-react.” If they can make you cry or do something stupid, they’ll probably go on and on. ---
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/8 "2006-12-05T19:51:06Z")
It’s so hard not to react! Now that you’ve mentioned it you’re probably right, some of them ARE entertaining themselves at my expense but e.g. “Why weren’t you on the bus today? Is it 'cause you’re scum, scumbag?” And it’s literally like WTF 'cause I have done NOTHING, absolutely nothing to deserve that, I just mind my own business. And that guy is such a jerk, he’s nice to all the other girls who catch the bus. ---
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/9 "2006-12-05T19:59:01Z")
Another example is that in class I often put my hand up to give correct answers to teacher questions and should I get one wrong the guys will be totally unsupportive and deliberately undermine me e.g. “she shoots and she misses.” Now a couple I can take but when it happens ALLL THE TIMEEE. URGH. Of course not all the guys are like that but please tell me I have just unluckily come across a high proportion of jerks. It was fine last year, I didn’t have any of this, the guys in my classes last year were great. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/10 "2006-12-05T20:00:27Z")
“No, it’s because _you’re_ scum.” It took me way too long to come up with that. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/11 "2006-12-05T20:04:19Z")
Well, what I did in school was learn from the best: I watched old movies and channeled wise-cracking broads like Joan Blondell, Eve Arden, Glenda Farrell, Jean Harlow. It’s 75% attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/12 "2006-12-05T20:15:56Z")
This sounds more like harrassment than teasing. I’m surprised your teachers let the boys get away with that shit. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/13 "2006-12-05T20:17:15Z")
[QUOTE=Toilskt] Of course not all the guys are like that but please tell me I have just unluckily come across a high proportion of jerks. It was fine last year, I didn’t have any of this, the guys in my classes last year were great. [/QUOTE] Yes, I can reassure you of that. Jerks abound. Don’t bother trying to think of what might have changed; I’ve had people who were close to me suddenly act like I’m a stranger and nothing happened to change things. Do you mind saying what year you are in school? Hormones and insecurity are probably abounding and people feel better about themselves or their connections with others if they can target someone else. I’m sorry they are making your life worse. Hmm. Sample combacks: “Why weren’t you on the bus today? Is it 'cause you’re scum, scumbag?” “I don’t want to catch your cooties.” “She shoots and she misses.” “Eat shit and die.” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/14 "2006-12-05T20:20:47Z")
The easiest way to get under someone’s skin is to mock them. That is, to repeat exactly what they say, but in a mocking way. When they do the “she shoots and she misses” you reply with the same but in a looong exagerated dumb guy accent, “She shewwwts and she miyesus, hyuck hyuck hyuck!” Or do an exageratted high-pitch little girl accent “she shoots.she misses.tee-hee-hee.” Either way your mocking them which they won’t like and they usually clam up. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/15 "2006-12-05T20:20:37Z")
Your dad was good last night. Tell that tiger to now squeeze my throat so hard. I think that one might make the guys’ jaws drop. If that’s completely inappropriate, as I think it would be, just bring up their (hopefully) losing season. ---
**Author:** ![Toilskt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Toilskt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toilskt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/16 "2006-12-05T20:35:34Z")
Lol except that kinda happens in class under the watchful eye of the teachers, I could get away with swearing (not because it’s a bad school, just because some of the teachers are easy-going.) but I think I did something similar and everyone was like “that’s not very ladylike.” Which just made me roll my eyes to no-end. I’m in high school. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/17 "2006-12-05T20:39:46Z")
I’d stck with mocking their on-field achievements. Attend a few games, watch what they do. When they miss a tackle, let them know about it when they try and pick on you. When they miss a free throw that would have beaten the cross-town rival, let them know about that, too. They’re on public display. Their performance is there for you to critique. That’s a pretty powerful weapon right there. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/18 "2006-12-05T20:47:15Z")
Failing that, impugn the size of their manhood. “Pencil dick” works nicely. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/19 "2006-12-05T20:53:54Z")
Stick with the ignorning. Anything else is an invitation for further trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953/20 "2006-12-05T20:55:03Z")
[QUOTE=Toilskt] Lol except that kinda happens in class under the watchful eye of the teachers, I could get away with swearing (not because it’s a bad school, just because some of the teachers are easy-going.) but I think I did something similar and everyone was like “that’s not very ladylike.” Which just made me roll my eyes to no-end. [/QUOTE] This is _exactly_ why you need to learn to belch on command. “That’s not very ladylike.” “BRAAAAAAAAP. 'scuse me. What were you saying?” Are you sure there’s no school counselor or dean of students or minister or anybody you can talk to about this? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-be-more-witty/382953.md?page=2)