# Help me concoct a convincing excuse not to travel **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165 "2014-06-19T19:58:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/1 "2014-06-19T19:58:13Z")
I want to surprise my (long distance) girlfriend with a visit in a couple of weeks, but she’s gone and potentially ruined everything by asking of I’m free that weekend. I need a good and convincing sounding reason that I can’t come, so I can keep the surprise intact. Any ideas? I thought of a doctor’s appointment, but that’s unlikely on the weekend. Can’t seem to think of anything that would be plausible and keep me stuck here. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/2 "2014-06-19T20:05:11Z")
Unless you want your life to imitate a sitcom, I’d suggest not doing this. It’s just fraught with possibilities for going awry. What if you show up and she’s made other plans based on your non-availability? It’s sweet that you want to surprise her, but I’d suggest chocolates or a puppy instead. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/3 "2014-06-19T20:06:46Z")
Flying? Nobody likes to fly with a bad head cold. Your head could explode. ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/4 "2014-06-19T20:07:28Z")
My advice is to level with her. “Wow, that’s a coincidence; I was planning to surprise you with a visit that weekend! See you then!” Surprises are overrated, and sometimes misfire horribly; suppose you came up with an excuse, and she thought, “Well, ta heck with that then; I’ll just go to the beach with the Girls.” You arrive, nobody home, you feel bad, she feels bad, bad all around. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/5 "2014-06-19T20:08:00Z")
Sweaty boot rash. But seriously, just tell her you’re free and go. She _wants_ to see you. Disappointing her, then showing up out of the blue, isn’t earning you any extra points IMO. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/6 "2014-06-19T20:20:00Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > My advice is to level with her. “Wow, that’s a coincidence; I was planning to surprise you with a visit that weekend! See you then!” > > Surprises are overrated, and sometimes misfire horribly; suppose you came up with an excuse, and she thought, “Well, ta heck with that then; I’ll just go to the beach with the Girls.” You arrive, nobody home, you feel bad, she feels bad, bad all around. This. Don’t surprise her. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/7 "2014-06-19T20:27:13Z")
Pretend you have to do a drug intervention for Sheldon’s cousin Leo in Long Beach. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![PurpleClogs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@PurpleClogs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleClogs)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/8 "2014-06-19T20:28:25Z")
Women want to be prepared for visits with a long distance love. She’ll be mortified if she’s not freshly bikini waxed or shaven, hasn’t touched up her roots or mani-pedi, worn the good panties, plucked her eyebrows, washed her sheets, tossed the green fuzzy stuff from the fridge, and cleaned the place. Guys usually don’t care. Girls do. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/9 "2014-06-19T20:43:54Z")
I do love surprises, and this kind of surprise visit too. I’ve done similar surprises loads of times as well, and it always worked out well. Only… I think maybe she really has gone and ruined it by suggesting it herself? Not that we couldn’t come up with an excuse, I’m sure we could. ([Friend] just got back from hospital, needs extra help?) But it just wouldn’t be the same. There would always be the shadow of a doubt that you planned the surprise _after_ her suggestion. Plus there is the disappointment of you saying no. It would never be quite as fun as the proper, ultimate surprise the way you originally planned it. Since I genuinely think it would be a cool surprise, could you save it up? Don’t tell her now what you were actually planning, agree to go, surprise her next time? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/10 "2014-06-19T20:47:05Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Unless you want your life to imitate a sitcom, I’d suggest not doing this. Add me to this pile-on. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/11 "2014-06-19T21:11:09Z")
I would be somewhat annoyed if someone made something up, thereby disappointing me, just to “surprise” me later. Especially in an LDR, which has to be built both on trust and on anticipation of good things later. If you took away my anticipation for no good reason, that would make me annoyed. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/12 "2014-06-19T21:14:39Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Flying? Nobody likes to fly with a bad head cold. Your head could explode. I flew with a cold once. Not fun. Don’t want to do that again. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/13 "2014-06-19T21:33:43Z")
Don’t do it. While this could come across as romantic and impulsive, it could also end very poorly for you. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/14 "2014-06-19T21:40:52Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Pretend you have to do a drug intervention for Sheldon’s cousin Leo in Long Beach. > > 😃 Then bring Sheldon’s cousin along when you make your surprise visit so it will seem plausible. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/15 "2014-06-19T22:40:47Z")
> [@PurpleClogs](#): > > Guys usually don’t care. Girls do. Heck, I’m a guy, and I’m with the girls on this one. If I had a long-distance girlfriend (or, frankly, even a local one), I sure as hell wouldn’t want her to to show up out of the blue, to find me unshaven and hung over, with my apartment looking like a war zone, with my smelly feet on my desk, watching a porno, which is my natural state whenever I don’t know I’m having people over. Really. Give me a week to prepare. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/16 "2014-06-19T22:44:14Z")
Do not do this. Just say you can come. I’d be pissed off as heck if someone pulled this with me. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/17 "2014-06-19T22:54:28Z")
Ye gods, what a bunch of killjoys. I was expecting a couple of dissenting wet blankets, but not this level of pile on. I will, however, take the dissenting voices on board, though I was just looking for some light-hearted suggestions, rather than a breakdown of why this is a terrible idea - but hey, advice is advice > [@Finagle](#): > > Unless you want your life to imitate a sitcom, I’d suggest not doing this. It’s just fraught with possibilities for going awry. What if you show up and she’s made other plans based on your non-availability? > > It’s sweet that you want to surprise her, but I’d suggest chocolates or a puppy instead. Okay, believe me when I say I know this isn’t an issue. I know she’ll be around. She’s studying for an exam, so isn’t going to make sudden plans to head off into the wilderness for a road trip, or go out partying all night. Also, I hope you’re being sarcastic about the puppy, because honestly, you think a surprise visit is a bad idea, but a surprise puppy is a suitable gift? Even for a dog lover (which she is), an unannounced dog is a terrible present for the person, and potentially much worse for the dog. > [@DCnDC](#): > > Sweaty boot rash. > > But seriously, just tell her you’re free and go. She _wants_ to see you. Disappointing her, then showing up out of the blue, isn’t earning you any extra points IMO. > [@Rocketeer](#): > > My advice is to level with her. “Wow, that’s a coincidence; I was planning to surprise you with a visit that weekend! See you then!” Yeah… I’m thinking that might be the best option at this point. A bit disappointing, but perhaps wise, in the big scheme of things. Just for the record, though, I’m not trying to earn extra points; more wanting to be a bit more spontaneous and fun. > [@Kimballkid](#): > > Pretend you have to do a drug intervention for Sheldon’s cousin Leo in Long Beach. > > 😃 See, now this is useful advice. I bet I could convincingly tell this story. 😉 > [@PurpleClogs](#): > > Women want to be prepared for visits with a long distance love. She’ll be mortified if she’s not freshly bikini waxed or shaven, hasn’t touched up her roots or mani-pedi, worn the good panties, plucked her eyebrows, washed her sheets, tossed the green fuzzy stuff from the fridge, and cleaned the place. Guys usually don’t care. Girls do. Nice of you to paint with such a broad brush and assume all girls are identical, but believe me, again, when I say I know this won’t be an issue. > [@gracer](#): > > I do love surprises, and this kind of surprise visit too. I’ve done similar surprises loads of times as well, and it always worked out well. Only… I think maybe she really has gone and ruined it by suggesting it herself? > [snip] > Since I genuinely think it would be a cool surprise, could you save it up? Don’t tell her now what you were actually planning, agree to go, surprise her next time? I could… but the same objections would apply next time, wouldn’t they? How do I know she’ll be free? What if she’s made other plans? What if (heaven forbid) she hasn’t had time to shave her legs and put on her good panties? > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I would be somewhat annoyed if someone made something up, thereby disappointing me, just to “surprise” me later. Especially in an LDR, which has to be built both on trust and on anticipation of good things later. If you took away my anticipation for no good reason, that would make me annoyed. Also a valid point. You’re absolutely right that the anticipation of visits has been part of this relationship, but we’re going on holiday a week after the planned visit, so there’s anticipation for that already. I was just trying to sneak in an impromptu unexpected visit, because of this constant feeling in an LDR that we have to plan everything ages in advance. Just once it would be nice to be able to be spontaneous rather than planned. Hey ho. Thanks for your input, all. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/18 "2014-06-19T22:54:46Z")
I don’t think I’d be upset exactly, but I’d rather be prepared. So, I’m with everyone else. Too much potential disaster for too little reward. Just fess up. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/19 "2014-06-19T23:19:52Z")
Just say you have to be a work for something (an idiot co-worker got injured or your jerk of a boss insists you are the only one that can perform certain tasks, etc.), then when you show up say someone miraculously was able to fill in for you or the boss relented. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/20 "2014-06-19T23:28:51Z")
Concur with the simpler approach, sitcom elements in real life don’t quite work out. You can write the desired outcomes in a script; reality laughs. A properly planned visit is less subject to stupid or malignant outcomes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165.md?page=2)