# Help me concoct a convincing excuse not to travel **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165 "2014-06-19T19:58:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/21 "2014-06-20T13:19:20Z")
I’m with the wet blankets, here; however if you simply must make a surprise visit, make up a conflicting trip for the weekend (job-related travel, family obligation, whatever you think you can plausibly invent) _in the next city over_, that will allow you to spend the day with her on Sunday before you head for home. Say, for instance, that you’re in D.C., and she’s in Chicago. Make up a trip to Milwaukee, tell her you’ll spend your frequent flyer miles to get a sixteen-hour layover in Chicago, instead of the non-stop flight to D.C. But, remembering that you did ask for advice, mine (again) is to not do this; just tell her how amazing it is that you both came up with the same idea to spend time together. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/22 "2014-06-20T13:53:27Z")
Just work a different surprise into your visit maybe. A special dinner out? Or you could show up naked! ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/23 "2014-06-20T14:04:04Z")
> [@Dervorin](#): > > Ye gods, what a bunch of killjoys. I know, right? Me 'n my sitcom life are actually having fun over here. 😉 > [@](#): > > I could… but the same objections would apply next time, wouldn’t they? How do I know she’ll be free? What if she’s made other plans? What if (heaven forbid) she hasn’t had time to shave her legs and put on her good panties? 1. That’s part of organising the surprise. It usually helps to get some friends on board, if possible. Or tell her mum if she wants to visit there to say no. 2. You know if she’s the type you can surprise, 'sup to you… (Me, I am the leg-shaving type but frankly am not bothered a bit if anybody finds out that hair does grow there, or that I occasionally wear big ugly old knickers. I’m fairly sure the cat is pretty much out of the bag on that stuff.) ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/24 "2014-06-20T14:23:35Z")
I used to be in a fairly LDR with my girlfriend (now wife). I’m pretty sure I successfully turned up for a surprise visit on at least one occasion, possibly including white lies beforehand about what I was doing that weekend. And it worked out really well. But, I agree with the majority here - the key thing is that she has now asked you if you are available, and you would have to directly lie about that in order to maintain the surprise. I am surprised (hah!) that such a small thing makes such a big difference, but I think it does. Thus, I agree with the suggestion of seeing her this weekend as an arranged visit, and making a surprise plan for a later visit (with her friends/family in on it, if possible). However, if you must press ahead with your surprise this weekend, you could consider making an excuse now that you could then plausibly retract when you do surprise her. For example, say that there is a major issue/project at work and there is a three-line whip for everyone to come in on Saturday to sort it. Then when you surprise her, you could say the issue was unexpectedly resolved so you were no longer required, and decided to surprise her. Yes, I know that is piling one lie on another, but it would be the whitest of white lies and very unlikely to hurt her or you. Alternatively: you really can’t afford it right now - this gives you the option of either coming clean, or saying that you suddenly remembered you had paid such and such a bill already so actually had more money than you thought. Or if you travel by car, that the car has broken down and needs fixing. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/25 "2014-06-20T14:26:34Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Or you could show up naked! Pro tip: If you do this, don’t take your clothes off until after you’ve gotten off the plane. You might even want to leave it until after the train ride to her house. Just saying, is all. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/26 "2014-06-20T16:14:10Z")
Have her visit but then surprise her by spending the weekend doing something unexpected like visiting a city/town a hour or two away, camping, or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2014, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/27 "2014-06-20T21:16:20Z")
As a veteran of a few long-distance relationships, I agree with all the other wet blankets in this thread. Just go see your gf, since it’s what both of you want to do. You can surprise her with a special night out or something while you’re there. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/28 "2014-06-21T03:59:23Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Unless you want your life to imitate a sitcom, I’d suggest not doing this. It’s just fraught with possibilities for going awry. What if you show up and she’s made other plans based on your non-availability? > > It’s sweet that you want to surprise her, but I’d suggest chocolates or a puppy instead. You may get a bigger surprise than she. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/29 "2014-06-21T04:04:12Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > My advice is to level with her. “Wow, that’s a coincidence; I was planning to surprise you with a visit that weekend! See you then!” > > Surprises are overrated, and sometimes misfire horribly; suppose you came up with an excuse, and she thought, “Well, ta heck with that then; I’ll just go to the beach with the Girls.” You arrive, nobody home, you feel bad, she feels bad, bad all around. Yep, level with her. You’ll get brownie points for planning a sweet surprise and you’ll win because your sudden appearance didn’t screw up her weekend plans. Also, you win for being honest. If my boyfriend pulled an “I can’t come” and then actually showed up saying “surprise” I’d be pissed-off as hell. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/30 "2014-06-21T04:08:04Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Just work a different surprise into your visit maybe. A special dinner out? This. Maybe his-and-hers Mickey Mouse T-shirts–you have the front view, she has the back? Then dinner at a sidewalk cafe to show off your shirts and let everyone know how “crazy” you are? Crazy in love, that is! ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/31 "2014-06-21T04:17:37Z")
Fake your own death. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/32 "2014-06-21T04:21:10Z")
> [@chacoguy](#): > > Fake your own death. LOLOLOL! That’ll be plan “B.” 😉 LOLOL! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/33 "2014-06-21T05:12:40Z")
Another wet blanket checking in. What if you tell her you can’t come, so she makes other plans? Then you show up and disrupt whatever plans she made. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/34 "2014-06-23T14:52:55Z")
I forgot to mention the most important part - whatever you decide, please come back and tell us how it went! ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/35 "2014-06-23T15:07:28Z")
… just tell her you’ve got to go to a bachelor party that weekend. Yes, all weekend. And tell her your cell phone will be off, because you all agreed ‘no pictures’. By the way, just in case, if you called for bail, would she be able to arrange it? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/36 "2014-06-23T16:28:31Z")
I’m with the wet blankets on this one, too. Say, “Hey, you ruined my attempt to be spontaneous and surprise you with a visit, but my plans are to come see you!”. And I may be forty years out of school, but do people really spending entire weeks studying non-stop for an exam that they don’t even take a few hours break to do the shopping or attend a friend’s wedding or go to a barbeque (examples of other plans she might have in mind for that weekend)? I know my nieces spend an inordinate amount of time studying (med school and math masters degree) but they also go to church, ball games, visit their boyfriends, etc… I find it odd that you think she would just study that whole weekend when she has already intimated (by asking if you are free) that she has some free time available. I remember MY college days, and I just do not remember spending THAT much time studying outside of class and the regular assignments. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/37 "2014-06-23T20:41:07Z")
Well… you won. All of you wet blankets crushed my independent spirit and romantic spark! 😉 I came clean, I confessed everything, and I went with the “It was going to be a wonderful surprise but I think it’s better I do it another time” line, and that went down pretty well. I’m going across on Friday and we might be spending the weekend hiking, which is definitely something to look forward to. Unless, of course, it rains, in which case we will huddle indoors and binge-watch Game of Thrones. Plans for every eventuality! However, I do claim a small moral victory because she also said “Aw, it would have been wonderful as a surprise; you just needed a convincing excuse not to come” - so at least next time I know she won’t be upset if I have to make up another story to get out of it. However, I’m not sure I will; involving family in the plot seems to be the way to go in future. I’m sure her mother would be happy to help out! I must admit this isn’t the advice I was looking for in this thread, but I went with what I got, and it turned out pretty well in the end, so thanks are in order. Ta! ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/38 "2014-06-23T20:43:29Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I’m with the wet blankets on this one, too. Say, “Hey, you ruined my attempt to be spontaneous and surprise you with a visit, but my plans are to come see you!”. And I may be forty years out of school, but do people really spending entire weeks studying non-stop for an exam that they don’t even take a few hours break to do the shopping or attend a friend’s wedding or go to a barbeque (examples of other plans she might have in mind for that weekend)? I know my nieces spend an inordinate amount of time studying (med school and math masters degree) but they also go to church, ball games, visit their boyfriends, etc… I find it odd that you think she would just study that whole weekend when she has already intimated (by asking if you are free) that she has some free time available. I remember MY college days, and I just do not remember spending THAT much time studying outside of class and the regular assignments. I missed this in the replies - she’s studying for the legal bar, so it really is that intense. However, I had my dates wrong, and the exam is further away than I thought, which is why she has some time to spare this weekend. Closer to the exam, I expect she really will be putting her head down and paring her social life back to the bone; I think it’s just what needs to be done to get through the bar exam. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/39 "2014-06-23T20:50:58Z")
Glad to hear it all worked out and that you haven’t completely abandoned the spontaneous spirit! ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165/40 "2014-06-23T21:13:50Z")
Promise that you’ll be there, and then surprise her by actually showing up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-concoct-a-convincing-excuse-not-to-travel/691165.md?page=3)