# Help me convince my boyfriend to split birth control costs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 16, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329 "2009-04-16T20:36:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/41 "2009-04-16T21:52:24Z")
> [@Darth\_Sensitive](#): > > That’d be a deal breaker for me. That’s intentional dishonesty and scare tactics. Talking it out about pros and cons of kids and various methods is one thing, lying like this is a whole different kettle of fish. > > Male, 20 Yup. Woman, 28, and if another woman told me she did this, I’d think she was an enormous bitch. That’s just mean. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/42 "2009-04-16T22:01:04Z")
> [@emmaliminal](#): > > Third, and dehijackingly, to your last pertinent point, condoms are a hassle in a moment of passion; hormonal BC is not (if you’re doing it right). Condoms are a reasonable inconvenience for unexpected sex, with the bonus of protecting against disease from an unthoroughly known partner. BC is a reasonable investment for expected sex, at which point you would presumably know more about how necessary disease-prevention is likely to be. Perhaps, but the point is, the boyfriend is willing to trade off the inconvenience for whatever reason (let’s assume cost). I would have supposed his preferences would also enter into the calculus as well. The way it seems to me, the boyfriend is willing to do his part in averting unplanned pregnancies. The OP has a slew of inflexible non-essential preferences that she wants him to subsidize. Moreover, she is working while he is not, because he is in school. This is not a matter of knowing how to formulate a budget; it is a matter of being able to identify need-to-have’s from nice-to-have’s when asking someone else (especially one with less income) to split costs with you. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/43 "2009-04-16T22:02:43Z")
> [@Caldazar](#): > > Any reasons posters may or may not be able to come up with aren’t really important here. More to the point I think: what are your boyfriend’s stated reasons for not wanting to pay $30/month out of his pocket for birth control? If EITHER of them has analyzed their relationship down to the buck a day level of whats fair or unfair, they got bigger problems than who is paying for birth control. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/44 "2009-04-16T22:03:52Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Yes, but your respond was both functionally identical to mine, and considerably pithier. Stop that, as it makes me look bad and, repeated too often, will reduce me to crying, inside, as if I were no manlier than Richard Simmons. “As if”? :dubious: 😃 My take on it is that if this guy can’t scrape up $30/month for a few months, he sure as shit can’t afford half an abortion, and he’s absolutely in no position to pay for half a baby, which you’re roughly 20x more likely to have using condoms vs. Nuvaring. (And I kind of wonder who he plans on paying for the proposed condoms, to be totally honest and rather cynical.) It really sounds like your best bet, all things considered, is to stop having sex for a few months if you guys can’t afford the ring. Not as punishment or leverage or any of that crap, but purely as a practical matter. Condoms just have a really high failure rate, as these things go, and abortion isn’t an option (and it doesn’t sound like you guys can afford one right now anyway.) It also sounds like a dreadful time to have a baby, if you even want them, not that you could afford one right now anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/45 "2009-04-16T22:08:21Z")
From the [World Health Organization](http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs243/en/) > [@](#): > > Effectiveness of male latex condoms in protecting against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections > > Condoms are the only contraceptive method proven to reduce the risk of all sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV. They can be used as a dual-purpose method, both for prevention of pregnancy and protection against STIs. > Prevention of pregnancy > > Estimated pregnancy rates during perfect use of condoms, that is for those who report using the method exactly as it should be used (correctly) and at every act of intercourse (consistently), is 3 percent at 12 months. > > The most frequently cited condom effectiveness rate is for typical use, which includes perfect and imperfect use (i.e. not used at every act of intercourse, or used incorrectly). The pregnancy rate during typical use can be much higher (10-14%) than for perfect use, but this is due primarily to inconsistent and incorrect use, not to condom failure. Condom failure – the device breaking or slipping off completely during intercourse – is uncommon. ---
**Author:** ![Kyrie\_Eleison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kyrie_eleison/32/7682_2.png) [@Kyrie\_Eleison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyrie_Eleison)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/46 "2009-04-16T22:09:55Z")
> [@Lightray](#): > > He’s getting half the benefits, he should pay half the cost. God save me, I can’t help but think about the resulting ethical quandary if **MissIntent** should happen to have sex outside of the relationship. “Honey, by my count we had sex 10 times last month. Here’s the $2.72 I owe you.” But yeah, I think it’s fair to ask him to pay half. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/47 "2009-04-16T22:12:22Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > “As if”? :dubious: 😃 > > My take on it is that if this guy can’t scrape up $30/month for a few months, he sure as shit can’t afford half an abortion, and he’s absolutely in no position to pay for half a baby, which you’re roughly 20x more likely to have using condoms vs. Nuvaring. (And I kind of wonder who he plans on paying for the proposed condoms, to be totally honest and rather cynical.) > > . And the woman is rolling in dough but just a cheapskate? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander, especially in this case… ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/48 "2009-04-16T22:15:16Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > …it is a matter of being able to identify need-to-have’s from nice-to-have’s when asking someone else (especially one with less income) to split costs with you. If they hadn’t already experienced broken condoms, and twice in six weeks at that, I’d be more inclined to agree with you. Two broken condoms says to me that something in the condom scenario isn’t working – not enough lube, not enough paying attention, not a good fit, something. And yes, as someone said upthread, fixing whatever isn’t working would be very good, but the results of an accident while experimenting with variables would be bad, bad news. Also: > [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > The way it seems to me, the boyfriend is willing to do his part in averting unplanned pregnancies. The OP has a slew of inflexible non-essential preferences that she wants him to subsidize. I really disagree with you here. She’s expressed a very clear and sensible reason for her preference: condoms didn’t work. > [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Moreover, she is working while he is not, because he is in school. But she is “barely employed” while applying for more school herself. **MissIntent** , I still think it’s worth it to try patience; he might deserve it, and even if he doesn’t, patience is guaranteed to be more likely to change his mind than annoyance. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/49 "2009-04-16T22:17:30Z")
I have a reason why it may not be fair for him to pick up half - if your BC prescription is only partly for birth control. A lot of women use hormonal birth control for PMS or to regulate periods. If you would pay for the BC anyway, then it might not be fair for him to pay half to not share equally in the benefits (of course, reducing PMS is usually a benefit to the man in a woman’s life). ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/50 "2009-04-16T22:20:50Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > Really? I’ve never had any girlfriend ask me to share the costs of pills. I certainly would not have objected. But I just never really thought about it. I did pay for Plan B a couple of times. It never occurred to me to ask him to pay! I mean, it just has never crossed my mind. Hell, I’m going home and asking for ten bucks a month! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/51 "2009-04-16T22:21:00Z")
> [@mauxlicious](#): > > Just show him [http://moneycentral.msn.com/articles/family/kids/tlkidscost.asp](http://moneycentral.msn.com/articles/family/kids/tlkidscost.asp) Those numbers are actually less staggering than I thought they’d be. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/52 "2009-04-16T22:22:59Z")
If thirty dollars a month is a big deal, or completely unaffordable, to either or both of you, maybe you need to avoid sex altogether. I sort of think you might want to figure out the cost of the Nuvaring plus condoms and split that. I know this is going to be an unpopular idea here, but if you truly can’t afford birth control, you certainly can’t afford a baby. I’d go with double protection. And yes, I think it’s his responsibility as well as yours. Since you’re living together, that implies a long-term commitment, which implies sharing things like this. Posted as the grandmother of an adorable 11-month old, whose parents quit using condoms because his mother was on the pill. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/53 "2009-04-16T22:26:20Z")
> [@MissIntent](#): > > I’m 25, he’s 26. > > Honestly, almost all of the responses here seem to be supporting me, which is great, but if you disagree with splitting this please speak up. I want to hear good honest reasons for NOT splitting birth control that I need to consider. I know how I feel about this - annoyed with him. If there’s any reason I shouldn’t be, I want to take it into consideration. If your incomes and/or access to insurance were unequal and significantly in your favor, it might be reasonable for you to pick up this expense and perhaps others. For instance, say you had a job with a good income and you were the primary breadwinner while he was a homemaker. However, that’s not the situation - your discretionary income went down when you lost your insurance. If your boyfriend is already managing his money well and simply can’t afford an extra $30 a month, he should still be offering to pay _something_. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/54 "2009-04-16T22:29:19Z")
I’m a woman, and frankly, what would tick me off most in the OP’s scenario is how the BF seems to take me, and us having sex together, for granted. It shouldn’t be. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/55 "2009-04-16T22:30:17Z")
\*\*Skald’s \*\*entitled to his opinion on condoms in an LTR, but I don’t think it’s entirely realistic. Over a woman’s approximately 30-35 years of fertility, it’s pretty likely there will be some stretch of time when hormonal BC is not going to work out for her. Condoms plus a separate application of spermicide have a decent effectiveness rate. This site puts that option about on par with Nuvaring [http://www.serc.mb.ca/content/dload/GettheFactsAboutBirthControlChoices%20/file](http://www.serc.mb.ca/content/dload/GettheFactsAboutBirthControlChoices%20/file) Those could even be combined with natural family planning and/or Plan B in case of obvious failure to improve the stats. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/56 "2009-04-16T22:44:36Z")
I do think patience is a pretty good idea. It sounds like you, **MissIntent** , brought it up and didn’t get a good clear answer, but have you talked about it since? It’s entirely possible that he’ll come home this evening and say “Oh yeah, sure I can chip in.” Once he thinks about it a little, he might well see that it would be best for him to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/57 "2009-04-16T22:49:49Z")
Planned Parenthood carries Nuvaring in my neighborhood. It might be worth calling around to different clinics. As for the guy and his responsibility - is he your partner or is he just a boyfriend? Are you a team? Do you share other expenses? Is he serious about your relationship or still at the “just dating” stage? Does he understand that Nuvaring provides daily benefits in the form of hormonal regulation aside from the birth control thing? Switching to condoms is going to send your body into a bit of a hormonal tailspin for a while. Is he aware of that? It’s not like you’re asking him to chip in on pedicures here. Hormonal birth control has medical benefits beyond just preventing pregnancy. It’s not unreasonable for couples to see that as a shared responsibility just like any other medical need. Finally: if, at anytime during your discussion, your boyfriend objects based on the “free market price for putang”, you should not only dump him - you should do it from the top of a tall flight of stairs. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/58 "2009-04-16T23:34:46Z")
I agree that Planned Parenthood should be called; in New York they can help you get hormonal BC (including Nuvaring) completely free if you meet their income guidelines (under $20,000/yr). It seems that [Texas](http://www.pphouston.org/site/PageServer?pagename=hsmain) has a similar program. You can send away to Nuvaring for a free sample [here](http://www.nuvaring.com/consumer/global/freetrialoffer/freetrialoffer.asp) (its unclear whether you can get more than one, but still, $60 is $60). If you use a private Gyn, they can often hook you up with a few sample packs if they know you are pressed for cash – call and ask. But, although I think it makes good sense to take reasonable steps to ameliorate the cost, the fact that he refused outright is pretty annoying. I agree the only reasonable explanation is that he had a knee-jerk reaction without thinking very clearly about the matter, and given some time to mull it over, will come around. If not, I think you can conclude that sex with you is not worth $30/mo to him. I have asked past boyfriends (incl my husband when he was still boyfriend material) to help with the cost of oral contraception and all readily agreed. Including some who turned out to be not entirely stellar human beings in other respects. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/59 "2009-04-16T23:50:36Z")
If it’s really the expense that he’s concerned with, I agree that it’s pretty chintzy of him to refuse to pay half. Having said that, I’m of the view that everyone should be responsible for their own fertility. If you have chosen that particular method of birth control, it’s up to you to pay for it. There’s the possibility that there’s something else going on here. In my experience (and I certainly don’t mean to overgeneralize), men don’t generally like to wear condoms - if the woman is willing to take responsibility for the b/c, they’re usually happy to go along. My husband and I have used condoms from time to time, and they’re definitely not his favourite method. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn’t entirely trust you, or perhaps he doesn’t trust the NuvaRing. Maybe he just wants to do what is in his power to do to prevent pregnancy and disease, and for men, that’s using a condom. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/60 "2009-04-16T23:51:44Z")
> [@holmes](#): > > I’m going to be even blunter. > > Get a new boyfriend. Amen to that. You are at your sexual peak right now and in the most demand from men right now. Get one who isn’t such a selfish, self-centered sack of cheap crap. This may seem like a little thing, but it reveals everything about his personality that you need to know about his character: having sex with you isn’t worth $30 a month to him. If that doesn’t say what his priorities are, nothing will. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329.md?page=4)