# Help me convince my boyfriend to split birth control costs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 16, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329 "2009-04-16T20:36:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MissIntent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/97f17d/32.png) [@MissIntent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissIntent)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/101 "2009-04-17T21:48:42Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Male, 48 (but about 78 in cynic years). I’d pay 50% on the BC in a New York second. And 50% on everything else. Good God, he pays all that and he’s a student? And you’re beefing over BC not being 50-50? :smack: I think the post where I take into consideration how much he pays for is the same post where I state that I’ll find a way to pay for this myself. We’re going to talk tomorrow anyway. Obviously this had been on my mind, so I will tell him what I have been thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/102 "2009-04-17T21:53:10Z")
> [@Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](#): > > Tell him that if he pays for half the BC cost, that you’ll never turn him down for sex. That ought to take care of it. I dearly hope that is a joke, because otherwise it’s idiotic. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/103 "2009-04-18T02:41:38Z")
Your thread has made me… well, you can probably guess by my screen name. This is entirely the kind of feminism-when-it-suits me attitude that typifies modern women and I’m not having it. I am a simple man and I demand consistency. You want control of your body, right to abortion, equal rights etc? Fine, I’ll support you. But you aren’t taking my place in a lifeboat, I’m not holding a door open for you, and more pertinently to the discussion the responsibility for contraception is **entirely** yours. Simple as. Not my responsibility whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/104 "2009-04-18T02:45:17Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > You want control of your body, right to abortion, equal rights etc? Fine, I’ll support you. But you aren’t taking my place in a lifeboat, I’m not holding a door open for you, and more pertinently to the discussion the responsibility for contraception is **entirely** yours. Simple as. Not my responsibility whatsoever. Really? If your girlfriend/wife chose not to take her contraception without telling you you’d have no problem with that? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/105 "2009-04-18T02:48:27Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Really? If your girlfriend/wife chose not to take her contraception without telling you you’d have no problem with that? I would probably throw a tv out the nearest window, break my fist smashing the wall, and then rationally consider the matter and conclude that a) I had a huge problem with the deception yet b) It was her right to do that and c) There is shit I can do about it, and it was my fault for trusting her. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/106 "2009-04-18T03:06:22Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > I would probably throw a tv out the nearest window, break my fist smashing the wall, and then rationally consider the matter and conclude that a) I had a huge problem with the deception yet b) It was her right to do that and c) There is shit I can do about it, and it was my fault for trusting her. How can it be deception if you had made clear “the responsibility for contraception is entirely [hers]”? And you just said it was solely her responsibility and you would have nothing to do with it. Any incarnation of “trusting her less” would involve you having something to do with it. Like, slapping on a condom, say. Or perhaps contraception is a joint decision between consenting adults, each of whom have a role to play in whether an unwanted child is brought into the world. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/107 "2009-04-18T03:12:41Z")
I can choose to take precautions for myself, or I can rely on her. Of course if I were force feeding her birth control pills with her corn flakes then I would pay for them. But that is a little bit silly, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/108 "2009-04-18T03:15:38Z")
Not being straight, this situation isn’t one I have any experience in. But I would view it as a medication that you are taking and that short of an inability to pay, it is your own responsibility. It seems that is not a common viewpoint from reading this thread though. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/109 "2009-04-18T03:17:13Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > You want control of your body, right to abortion, equal rights etc? Fine, I’ll support you. But you aren’t taking my place in a lifeboat, I’m not holding a door open for you, and more pertinently to the discussion the responsibility for contraception is **entirely** yours. Simple as. Not my responsibility whatsoever. What a bizarre attitude. You don’t believe in condom usage? Because that’s what I’m getting from “the responsibility for contraception is **entirely** yours.” If you’re in a committed relationship and your girlfriend/wife says that she wants/needs assistance in paying for contraception – which, after all, you both benefit from – you turn her down because the responsibility is entirely hers for some bizarre reason? I just really don’t get this. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/110 "2009-04-18T03:17:34Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > I can choose to take precautions for myself, or I can rely on her. How can that jibe with your earlier statement _and more pertinently to the discussion the responsibility for contraception is **entirely** yours_. Because from where I sit, dawg, you just contradicted yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/111 "2009-04-18T03:20:58Z")
Let’s not get too hung up on my exact wording, it ought to have been fairly clear I was talking about the pill. But then us dawgs aren’t such verbal creatures. ---
**Author:** ![MissIntent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/97f17d/32.png) [@MissIntent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissIntent)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/112 "2009-04-18T14:16:53Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Not being straight, this situation isn’t one I have any experience in. But I would view it as a medication that you are taking and that short of an inability to pay, it is your own responsibility. It seems that is not a common viewpoint from reading this thread though. I believe Dear Abby feels the exact same way as you 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/113 "2009-04-18T14:30:19Z")
> [@MissIntent](#): > > I believe Dear Abby feels the exact same way as you 😉 Actually, she recanted. [http://dearabby.gophercentral.com/tag/birth-control/](http://dearabby.gophercentral.com/tag/birth-control/) ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e480ec/32.png) [@Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Cream_Conquest)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/114 "2009-04-18T15:53:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Ice Cream Conquest](#): > > > > Tell him that if he pays for half the BC cost, that you’ll never turn him down for sex. That ought to take care of it. > > I dearly hope that is a joke, because otherwise it’s idiotic. Well, here’s the thing. The only REAL solution is for MissIntent to sit down with her boyfriend, have an open discussion about their relationship, their finances, their future, and their expectations. This appears to be what MissIntent intends to do. She came here looking to prepare for such a discussion and wanted two things – > [@MissIntent](#): > > Please help me improve my argument and > [@MissIntent](#): > > I want to hear good honest reasons for NOT splitting birth control that I need to consider. There’s been a bunch of people jumping on her side, although not too many have been focused on helping her improve her argument. There have been a lot of knee-jerk solutions such as dumping the boyfriend, and of course, yours > [@Skald the Rhymer](#): > > You have to threaten to cut him off, and mean it, and follow through if he refuses. I was surprised that you considered this to be “atypically serious.” After all, the BF is okay with using condoms, so he’s not anti-birth control. And the point of contention is $15 a month for a choice of BC, not really that big of a deal. You read an awful lot into > [@MissIntent](#): > > I asked my boyfriend to split the price and he gave me a very grey answer, but he definitely didn’t say yes. Refuse sex unless he gives in to what MissIntent wants and if he complains, dump him? Seriously? Anyway, my response was only semi-serious. Yeah, it’s not the best answer, which I assumed was obvious (having a mature discussion about the issue) but it was an answer to the OP **“Help me convince my boyfriend to split birth control costs,”** and if MissIntent and her boyfriend are a typical couple where the boyfriend has a more frequent desire for sex, then my suggestion would probably work. Here’s my completely serious answer: MissIntent, I’m guessing that you had a stronger emotional response to your initial conversation than you expected. I also suspect that the reason is that it connects to some more deeply-held belief or expectation. Your boyfriend is probably confused and annoyed because your suggestion conflicts with one of his expectations about your relationship. To resolve this you have a lot of options: 1. Drop the issue and pay for the BC yourself. Probably the best solution if you’re generally happy and not concerned about a long-term future for the relationship. 2. Have an open discussion with your BF about the issue. I highly suggest putting your emotions away to start with and say, “I was surprised by your reaction when I suggested splitting the costs of BC. I’d like to know how you feel about the issue.” Then LISTEN and try to understand where he’s coming from. 3. Pick whichever knee-jerk response from this thread you like best. I vote for mine. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/115 "2009-04-18T16:01:45Z")
> [@Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](#): > > I was surprised that you considered this to be “atypically serious.” Atypically serious for **me**. A casual examination of my posting history hereabouts would indicate that I’m generally a goofball. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/116 "2009-04-18T16:10:05Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > Let’s not get too hung up on my exact wording, it ought to have been fairly clear I was talking about the pill. > > But then us dawgs aren’t such verbal creatures. Are you then entirely responsible for the condoms? If so, that’s fair. But if your overall attitude is that contraception is not your problem, that’s pretty crazy, because if she gets pregnant, child support is 100% your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/117 "2009-04-18T16:13:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Next you’ll be lecturing us on copulative verbs and structural grammar. I will be obliged to shoot myself in that case, of course. Would that be the projectile case? One doesn’t see much of that in today’s linguistical commerce. Bold move, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/118 "2009-04-18T16:18:06Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > Would that be the projectile case? One doesn’t see much of that in today’s linguistical commerce. Bold move, sir. You’ll pay for this, Superman. Oh, how you’ll pay. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e480ec/32.png) [@Ice\_Cream\_Conquest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Cream_Conquest)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/119 "2009-04-18T16:19:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Atypically serious for **me**. A casual examination of my posting history hereabouts would indicate that I’m generally a goofball. I know. That’s why I like you. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329/120 "2009-04-18T16:24:35Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > Are you then entirely responsible for the condoms? If so, that’s fair. But if your overall attitude is that contraception is not your problem, that’s pretty crazy, because if she gets pregnant, child support is 100% your problem. That’s my position, yes - I would be responsible for the condoms. And of course if I were, say, using a fake condom (do these exist?) then it would be me breaching the trust and I would be the one in the moral/ethical wrong but she would be responsible for trusting me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-convince-my-boyfriend-to-split-birth-control-costs/493329.md?page=7)