# Help me De-Franciphy America **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 11, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635 "2003-03-11T19:18:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/41 "2003-03-12T02:58:52Z")
Let’s have a tete-a-tete vis-a-vis the menage-au-trois. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/42 "2003-03-12T03:22:10Z")
The French horn will be known as the “Yankee tootler.” A french dip sandwich will be called an “All-American greaseburger.” French onion soup will be renamed “Patriot sweat.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/43 "2003-03-12T03:39:42Z")
Duquesne University will now be Rumsfeld University ---
**Author:** ![Cholo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Cholo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cholo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/44 "2003-03-12T04:13:28Z")
Pepe Le’ Pew shall now be known as “Smelly Frog” ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/45 "2003-03-12T04:17:33Z")
Jerry Lewis will be sacrificed to Iraq. An _a la carte_ menu will be known as pick-yer-food-yerself-paper. Oppressed snails and frogs everywhere will be liberated in the interests of Freeedom! ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/46 "2003-03-12T04:37:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narrad \* > **Jerry Lewis will be sacrificed to Iraq.** Can I help? _Mise en scène_: “Plunk it down on the stage, _there_” (theatrical); "Point the camera over _there"_ (film). ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/47 "2003-03-12T04:46:13Z")
Detroit can now OFFICIALLY be called Hockeytown. Unless hockey is also a French word, which I actually think it is. I guess Motor City will do then. Frenchie from American Idol will now be “Vocally talented naked black girl.” ---
**Author:** ![Tarantara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@Tarantara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantara)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/48 "2003-03-12T05:06:46Z")
can be shortened to “Patchouli.” France itself can be renamed either Burgundy or West Germany. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/49 "2003-03-12T05:08:15Z")
The French grip for holding drumsticks will remain the same, since no-one really cares about how drummers and percussionists hold their drumsticks anyway. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/50 "2003-03-12T05:28:22Z")
Deja vu = brain re-run. Croutons = Melba cubes napoleans = Fancy Twinkies Beefsteak Chateubriand = Roast Rockefeller Three Musketeers (candy bar) = Snickers, Hold the Caramel Phantom of the Opera = Poltergeist, the Musical, starring Doug Hunchback of Notre Dame = Let’s Face It, A Real Ugly M\*\*\*\*-F\*\*\*\* French Provincial = Freedom Furniture And of course, _Casablanca_ will have to be altered: “We’ll always have Pittsburgh.” ---
**Author:** ![Tarantara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@Tarantara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantara)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/51 "2003-03-12T06:26:01Z")
“An American Embarrassed.” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/52 "2003-03-12T07:02:04Z")
Notre Dame will be Fighting Irish of Freedom College. Kids will eat Freedo-American canned pasta. The Steely Dan song will be renamed “Kid Barabarossa” Bonbons will be “Candies for Free Housewives” and… Summer’s Eve brand Liberty Squirts ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/53 "2003-03-12T15:26:05Z")
Britney Spears will henceforth be yclept “Sussex Spears”. She’ll have to figure out how to misspell it on her own, though. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/54 "2003-03-12T16:34:33Z")
I’m pulling a blank on what to rename “Les Miserables” to… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/55 "2003-03-12T16:51:06Z")
How about “The Company Lovers”? ---
**Author:** ![ilpalazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ac91a4/32.png) [@ilpalazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ilpalazzo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/56 "2003-03-12T18:47:40Z")
Does this mean we have to start calling rubella “Liberty Measles” again? (The term “German measles” actually came from the French term “Germaine”; also, German measles is often also known as French measles) French bread shall be henceforth known as Really Big Texas Toast Without Cheeze. And finally… Syphilis shall from now on be referred to as Freedom Pox, to replace the term formerly known as French Pox for the STD. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/57 "2003-03-12T19:10:59Z")
French Ticklers will be renamed Happy Dildos. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/58 "2003-03-12T19:37:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by squeegee \* > \*\*I’m pulling a blank on what to rename “Les Miserables” to… \*\* _The Adventures of Johnny Bluejeans the Wonderbread Thief._ And I’m leaning towards _Let’s Make a Dope Deal!_ for _The French Connection._ ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/59 "2003-03-13T02:16:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sampiro \* > **The Grande Tetons are now the Big Titties Nat’l Park** Now **that’s** a change we’ve needed for decades! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635/60 "2003-03-13T02:36:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > **Kids will eat Freedo-American canned pasta.** Heh. _The Onion_ once ran an article titled “Spaghetti-Os discontinued as Franco-American talks break down.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-de-franciphy-america/160635.md?page=4)