# Help me design my superhero costume! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2014, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844 "2014-08-29T09:25:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/1 "2014-08-29T09:25:11Z")
This Halloween, I believe I will be going out as “Captain Awkward,” a character I am inventing just for me. (Unless, of course, there is already a Captain Awkward. There probably is. Then again, that’s to be expected. Because it’s awkward.) I am a female. Females can be captains. What should my edgy postmodern\* costume look like? \*These days, perhaps it is actually more accurate to say, “postzombie.” ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/2 "2014-08-29T13:12:52Z")
Captain Awkward definitely needs safety glasses. And probably knee/elbow protectors. Perhaps a slogan on the torso that seems cool, until you think about it? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/3 "2014-08-29T13:17:38Z")
No capes! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/4 "2014-08-29T13:19:51Z")
At least one bandage somewhere. ([Les Nessman](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Nessman)) ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/5 "2014-08-29T13:34:19Z")
> [@Dioptre](#): > > Perhaps a slogan on the torso that seems cool, until you think about it? “Protecting The Insolent” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/6 "2014-08-29T15:28:48Z")
The costume should cover one breast and leave one exposed - because in a lot of places that would be awkward. Unless you’re trick or treating at a nudist colony, in which case the costume should be a full burqua. Context is everything. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/7 "2014-08-29T16:52:44Z")
Safety hat with a light. Pillow on the butt. Cast/wrapped leg (use vet wrap,it comes in lots of colors) No cape! ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/8 "2014-08-29T17:21:57Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > This Halloween, I believe I will be going out as “Captain Awkward,” a character I am inventing just for me. (Unless, of course, there is already a Captain Awkward. There probably is. Then again, that’s to be expected. Because it’s awkward.) > > I am a female. Females can be captains. What should my edgy postmodern\* costume look like? > > \*These days, perhaps it is actually more accurate to say, “postzombie.” How do you want to be awkward? - you could put on huge wings like Angel or Hawkman - awkward to turn around/interact with other people. - you could put those glasses with flip-down lights or magnifying lenses on them, and then get waaaay too close to people, flipping down your lenses and peering up their nose or something. Captain Awkward - “I’ll check ANY crevice for crime!!!” 'sall I got for now… ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/9 "2014-08-30T00:38:50Z")
Things that project outward from the costume in directions you’re not likely to be looking, so you keep hitting people without realizing it. Design elements that remind people of their own flaws. Some kind of weird glasses that have features looking like eyes that are somewhat displaced from your own eyes, so people aren’t sure where to look when they talk to you. Absorbant cuffs that are soaked with water, so people keep getting a little bit wet from being around you. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/10 "2014-08-30T02:45:58Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > This Halloween, I believe I will be going out as “Captain Awkward,” a character I am inventing just for me. (Unless, of course, there is already a Captain Awkward. There probably is. Then again, that’s to be expected. Because it’s awkward.) To ensure awkwardness, you need to coordinate with someone else so that you show up in identical costumes. > [@WordMan](#): > > - you could put on huge wings like Angel or Hawkman - awkward to turn around/interact with other people. Definitely awkward. A friend of mine played a pixie character in a game about a year ago. He modified a doll to approximate a miniature version of himself in costume, so he could put it in places a pixie might go, but he also wore a full-scale version of the outfit…which meant a pixie with a six-foot wingspan. At a crowded convention. Another awkward option: Cut a piece of fabric so that it resembles toilet paper and attach it to your shoe. Let it trail behind you. Bonus awkward points if you walk through mud at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/11 "2014-08-30T17:59:52Z")
You need at least one legitimately cool superhero element. Perhaps a brightly colored unitard. Don’t listen to the anti cape people. They are just parroting something from a highly biased movie. Capes are cool and will always be cool, except for the ones meant to keep you warm. If you are going for awkward don’t stop at one cape. Have a cape for your back. A cape for your arms. A cape for your legs. A cape for the back of your head. Anywhere you can put a cape. Another thing about superhero costumes that people are always hating on is the underpants on the outside. Don’t stop at underpants, wear a bra on the outside too. Maybe tube socks or pantyhose on the outside. Masks are always cool and help hide your identity. You could turn that on it’s head by making a mask with eye holes so large that they do nothing to hide even your eyebrows or obscure your face in any meaningful way. Many superhero costumes are stealthy. Perhaps some bright flashy lights would do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/12 "2014-08-30T18:20:00Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > If you are going for awkward don’t stop at one cape. Have a cape for your back. A cape for your arms. A cape for your legs. A cape for the back of your head. Anywhere you can put a cape. Little wrist-capes could drag in things and get wet/covered with icing/soup-stained. They could fill the role of the absorbent cuffs **Napier** suggested. \ In _City of Heroes_, the costume creator theoretically only allowed one cape, but I managed to make a character with two, plus a tux with flapping, cape-like tails. I’m pretty sure it was awkward for the physics engine when he started jumping around. 😃 \ ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/13 "2014-08-30T18:30:25Z")
[Socks with capes.](http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dfashion&field-keywords=socks+with+capes) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/14 "2014-08-30T19:21:06Z")
**Too much** cape! Like, Gothic Batman too much cape! 10 feet ;long, at least. For Capt Awkward to trip over. And it should be _Corporal_ Awkward. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/15 "2014-08-30T19:35:42Z")
Hmmm, it actually didn’t actually occur to me, for some reason, that anyone would think I meant _physically_ awkward. Well, this is awkward! 🙂 > [@Dioptre](#): > > Perhaps a slogan on the torso that seems cool, until you think about it? I like this idea. How 'bout this?: “Making ordinary situations weird and uncomfortable” > [@Aquadementia](#): > > Masks are always cool and help hide your identity. You could turn that on it’s head by making a mask with eye holes so large that they do nothing to hide even your eyebrows or obscure your face in any meaningful way. Ironically appropriate! Because a proper mask would kind of be a _cure_ for social awkwardness, wouldn’t it? Uh, wait, not really… you’d have to run to a phone booth every time you wanted to say something lol. > [@Balance](#): > > To ensure awkwardness, you need to coordinate with someone else so that you show up in identical costumes. Hahahaaaa! ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/16 "2014-08-30T19:53:00Z")
Keep the store tags on/make fake tags and tape them on all of your clothing. Wear your shirt inside out and backwards so that you have an awkwardly high neckline than only you don’t notice. Have all of your pockets turned inside out - especially ones on your back that you can’t see. Have a cape that’s just a _little_ too long, so it drags behind you and gets dirty and you occasionally trip over it. Alternately, have half your cape tucked into your pants. Have a messy bun or ponytail that’s on the verge of falling out. Have your underwear a tiny bit higher than your pants, and constantly pretend to be pulling your bra straps up/untucking a wedgie. Untie your shoelaces and walk with that “trying not to trip” gait. Oh, and wear super cool sunglasses, but have them be slightly askew and have one lens popped out (or constantly popping out and you snapping it back in). Ah, the joys of being awkward! If anyone tells you about any of the above, freak out and act embarrassed as though it was an accident. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2014, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/17 "2014-09-05T01:04:25Z")
Perhaps hit this Captain Awkward up for ideas? She’s in film studies; she may have useful costume suggestions. 😃 (If nothing else, she’ll be tickled that someone else had the idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-my-superhero-costume/696844/18 "2014-09-06T03:29:24Z")
Cape opens in back like a hospital gown?