# Help me design the universally offensive MRE menu. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973 "2009-03-19T01:52:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/41 "2009-03-20T18:18:08Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I seem to remember that lion and owl meat are both not kosher. Add those to the meatloaf, and you can piss off the World Wildlife Fund as well. 😃 > > For the spread on the wafers, use that Italian cheese that has maggots in it. > > Dessert: a Twinkie. This will annoy the natural-foods contingent, and will outlast the rest of the meal. And probably civilization, as well. Make sure it’s spotted owl. Those are the best 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/42 "2009-03-20T18:29:40Z")
I see someone beat me to Circus Peanuts. Those things are disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/43 "2009-03-20T18:40:03Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I’d recommend finding the old school “beans and dicks” C-ration entree and making sure that the franks (the “dicks”) were made of pork. No, let’s make them out of real dog, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/44 "2009-03-20T18:48:16Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > What the heck is a ‘HOOAH! Bar’? I’m almost afraid to find out. Looks like HOOAH bars and Ranger bars are energy bars. You can grab one on eBay [if you’re curious](http://cgi.ebay.com/MILITARY-MRE-MRE%27S-SNACK-RANGER-BAR-%26-HOOAH-BAR_W0QQitemZ250358238183QQcmdZViewItem). ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/45 "2009-03-20T21:25:38Z")
I’m going to take a leaf from Sequential Threads and suggest Kitten Sandwich with Puppy Sauce. ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/46 "2009-03-20T23:22:02Z")
I well remember the dehydrated pork patty. The worst thing you could do to it was re-hydrate it; it became a nasty meat-flavored sponge. Eat it like a meat flavored rice-cake was the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/47 "2009-03-21T01:35:58Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > No, let’s make them out of real dog, instead. At the risk of things just getting silly…technically, [dog meat](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_meat) would be allowable. Preferably in an authentic recipe, though; not just a vacuum sealed puppy head staring at you with it’s sad, dead eyes. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/48 "2009-03-21T04:10:56Z")
- Entree - Freeze-Dried-Deep-Fried Bottlenose Dolphin steaks - Side - Baby Harp Seal fritters - Bread - Extra-Bland Communion wafers - Spread - Lobster Tomalley with added salt - Dessert - Chocolate Coated Leeches - Candy - Candied Madagascar Hissing Roaches - Beverage - Celery-flavoured soda - Hot sauce or seasoning - Encephalartos woodii (the most endangered plant in the world, an African Cycad that now only exists in botanical gardens) powder - Condiments - Squid ink, and Sargasso seaweed relish ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/49 "2009-03-21T12:57:42Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Looks like HOOAH bars and Ranger bars are energy bars. You can grab one on eBay [if you’re curious](http://cgi.ebay.com/MILITARY-MRE-MRE%27S-SNACK-RANGER-BAR-%26-HOOAH-BAR_W0QQitemZ250358238183QQcmdZViewItem). A Hooah Bar is an energy bar. Sort of like what MetRx or some of those other companies puts out. Kind of gooey. Ranger bars are old. I can’t remember the last time I saw one. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/50 "2009-03-22T00:13:53Z")
I was going to mention the mid-80’s MRE’s but they have been pretty well thrashed already. That dehydrated pork (or beef) patty always smelled of Alpo dry dog food to me. I started eating them in the 1984-85 timeframe (you would trade your sister for the Ham Slice, which actually tasted like a slice of ham), you cannot imagine the excitement when we started seeing the “new” ones in 1988! We’d put those little Tabasco Sauce bottles in the “grenade hooks” on our flak jackets, they were so precious! ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/51 "2009-03-22T22:09:48Z")
Coconut in the dessert &/or candy. As all Charlie Brown fans know, small children can be very vocal in their hatred of coconut. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973/52 "2009-03-23T02:37:37Z")
Now with the Communion wafers I suggest serving them with cheese and veal beef/pork heart based pepperoni. Then you’d have a single dish offensive to Catholics, Jews, Hindus, Inuit Animists, and people who like baby cows. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-design-the-universally-offensive-mre-menu/489973.md?page=2)