# Help me find a comedian **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 28, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597 "2013-02-28T04:21:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/1 "2013-02-28T04:21:53Z")
This will probably be a long shot because I don’t have a lot to go on. I used to have his album and I loved it. But for the life of me I can’t track this guy down. Anyway, I’ll just post some lines of his. Is there a paramecium in my nose? I’ll sink you like a three foot pipe. He did a bit about his drunk (abusive?) uncle. He did a bit about edible panties: honey, that steak was de-licious! For desert I’ll have some banana panties. He did a bit about Mike Tyson(?) and/or Leon Spinx. I remember him as a big guy with wispy blond hair. This was probably 20(ish) years ago, maybe more. Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2013, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/2 "2013-02-28T06:17:25Z")
[Jeff Altman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNEmGAIl4d8) ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2013, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/3 "2013-02-28T06:36:25Z")
Jeff Altman was the person that I thought of as well. You threw me off track when you said “big guy with wispy blond hair”. I didn’t watch the linked video to see if he did any of those routines. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/4 "2013-02-28T15:30:46Z")
> [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > Jeff Altman was the person that I thought of as well. You threw me off track when you said “big guy with wispy blond hair”. I didn’t watch the linked video to see if he did any of those routines. Aye, that description threw me as well, but I remember his routines well enough that I knew it was him. And TBH I didn’t watch the clip I linked to either; it was late and I needed sleep so I just linked to the first thing I found of his on youtube. I figured it should be enough to confirm it was him, even if the paramecium joke et. al. aren’t there. ---
**Author:** ![FrankJBN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@FrankJBN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrankJBN)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/5 "2013-02-28T16:22:53Z")
I listened to the first 1:30 of the linked video. Sorry, if a comic cannot say something funny in the first 90 seconds, they’re done. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/6 "2013-03-01T03:50:14Z")
Wow, thanks Bo! Got it in one. ---
**Author:** ![denquixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@denquixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/denquixote)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/7 "2013-03-01T11:51:23Z")
I remember him as being rather short with short dark hair. The routine I remember best referred to his father (and all old men) who pulled their pants up higher as they got older so that ultimately their pants were up around their shoulders while their hands would be playing with the coins in their pocket and they would explain that they had not lost their ability to discipline young men, such as Jeff. My two favorite quotes are “I’ll beat you like a rented mule” and “I’ll roll you out like wholesale carpet.” I thought he was great. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/8 "2013-03-01T15:36:59Z")
Yeah, those are some of my favorites too. I was wrong about the hair. I had him confused (in appearance\*) with another comic. I amazed SB was able to get it so quickly even with that wrong bit of info. This place is amazing. [sup]\*now of course I’ll be wondering who that guy is…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/9 "2013-03-01T15:43:03Z")
Missed the edit window. FrankJBN, here’s the Altman I remember: [YouTube](http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=YkzKWR1F4Js&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYkzKWR1F4Js&gl=GB) ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/10 "2013-03-01T15:44:22Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > . . .I remember him as a big guy with wispy blond hair. . . . Not Altman. Altman might be they guy you’re looking for, but that does not describe him. “My name is [former boxer] Leonard Moon, and I don’t have the brains of a ice cube.” He was also the third part of a bizarre variety show called “Pink Lady and Jeff,” but I remember him mostly from “Solid Gold.” Leonard Moon was the resident music critic. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/11 "2013-03-01T16:07:34Z")
[QUOTE=Earl Snake-Hips Tucker] “My name is [former boxer] Leonard Moon, and I don’t have the brains of a ice cube.” [/QUOTE] Now sleep. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-comedian/651597/12 "2013-03-01T16:23:58Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > I was wrong about the hair. I had him confused (in appearance\*) with another comic. [Jim Gaffigan?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Gaffigan)