# Help me find a suitable response **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873 "2007-11-01T15:06:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/21 "2007-11-01T18:27:09Z")
Rattle off a list of them funny cuss words y’all got over there. _Wank_ and _fanny_ and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/22 "2007-11-01T18:49:57Z")
The English chap I work with always says “Poxy tart” for me. Right after I tell him to learn to speak english. We are pretty good friends. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/23 "2007-11-01T18:55:59Z")
You’re British?? Ooh, I LOVE British accents! Type something British here so I can see your accent! In all seriousness, cuss them out. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/24 "2007-11-01T19:19:05Z")
One of Rambling Syd Rumpo’s songs? Or this BBC announcement from Python? > [@](#): > > Well, it’s five past nine and nearly time for six past nine. On BBC 2 now, it’ll shortly be six and a half minutes past nine. Later on this evening, it’ll be ten o’clock and at 10:30 we’ll be joining BBC 2 in time for 10:33, and don’t forget tomorrow when it’ll be 9:20. Those of you who missed 8:45 on Friday will be able to see it again this Friday at a quarter to nine. Now, here is a time check. It’s six and a half minutes to the big green thing. Or the biblical news from “BBC B.C.”? > [@](#): > > Good even. Here beginneth the first verse of the news… > > At the weigh-in for the big fight tomorrow, Goliath tipped the scales this evening at 15 stone 3 lbs. and David at 14 stone 3 lbs. David’s manager said this evening, ‘the odd stone could make all the difference.’ … > > At the first night of The Gaza Strip, Samson, this year’s Mr. Israel, brought down the house. Or go classical and use pseudo-Shakespeare from “Beyond the Fringe”. > [@](#): > > And so we bid you welcome to our court, > Fair cousin Albany, and you, our sweetest Essex, > Take this my hand, and you, fair Essex, this, > And with this bond we’ll cry anon > And shout Jack Cock of London to the foe… > > So even now while we to the wanton lute do strut > Is brutish Bolingbroke bent fair upon > Some fickle circumstance… > > I most royally shall now to bed, > To sleep off all the nonsense I’ve just said. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/25 "2007-11-01T21:20:18Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Ohgod. This would totally work on me. _quivers_ 🆒 [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Anaamika] I agree. He wouldn’t have to finish anywhere near 16 lines. [/QUOTE] Next time either of you is in Denver, call me. I can do a wicked Hotspur. 😉 I don’t do Yorkshire, but my Welsh is pretty convincing. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/26 "2007-11-01T22:10:07Z")
People here in Atlanta have said the same to me. I’m from New York. I usually respond, “It’s YOU with the accent.” ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/27 "2007-11-01T22:35:52Z")
“there’s trouble down the mill. One of the crossbeams got out askew on treadle.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/28 "2007-11-01T22:39:38Z")
[QUOTE=jali] I usually respond, “It’s YOU with the accent.” [/QUOTE] Feh. In Charlotte, it works the other way around. “Youse gize tawk wit dat accent soze I can bailey unnastanz ya.” ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/29 "2007-11-01T22:50:03Z")
How about “Piss off”? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/30 "2007-11-01T23:22:41Z")
All your base belong to us. ---
**Author:** ![foxymoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@foxymoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foxymoron)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/31 "2007-11-01T23:23:48Z")
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist] How about “Piss off”? [/QUOTE] I was thinking “Bugger off.” Great minds…? [QUOTE=Mosier] A pirate walks into a bar with a large steering wheel coming out of his pants. The bartender says “excuse me, mister pirate. Do you realize there’s a large steering wheel coming from your pants?” The pirate says “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!” While you’re saying the punchline, you should “steer” an imaginary wheel coming from your pants, just to make sure they get it. [/QUOTE] This is one of my favorite jokes ever. :-] ---
**Author:** ![Bakkup\_Jenna\_Rater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Bakkup\_Jenna\_Rater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakkup_Jenna_Rater)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/32 "2007-11-02T00:01:22Z")
The talk show host Conan O’Brian always has British guests do an exaggerated imitation of Mary Poppins dialog “What say, gov’nor? Wan’ yore chiminey sweept?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/33 "2007-11-02T00:28:47Z")
I’d be tempted to go with “Yippee kai yay, motherfucker” as the least British thing possible to say. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/34 "2007-11-02T11:01:53Z")
How about memorising a bit of the shipping forecast? Sounds wonderfully evocative, and is also totally incomprehensible (audio file at the top right of the linked page): [http://search.bbc.co.uk/cgi-bin/search/results.pl?q=shipping+forecast&uri=%2Fradio4%2F](http://search.bbc.co.uk/cgi-bin/search/results.pl?q=shipping+forecast&uri=%2Fradio4%2F) ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/35 "2007-11-02T11:16:35Z")
The guy’s from Yorkshire, with a northern accent. I don’t think he could do a southern accent if he tried. How about some northern sayings? “Wash be ‘ind thi lug olls. Tha’s got enuff muck in there t’ grow ‘taters’” ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/36 "2007-11-02T11:59:47Z")
[QUOTE=Dominic Mulligan] The guy’s from Yorkshire, with a northern accent. I don’t think he could do a southern accent if he tried. How about some northern sayings? “Wash be ‘ind thi lug olls. Tha’s got enuff muck in there t’ grow ‘taters’” [/QUOTE] Ah yes, good point. Maybe he can sing them a bit of “On Ilkley Moor Bah T’at”, including the line “without thy trousers on” after each verse for good measure! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/37 "2007-11-02T15:30:05Z")
What you need is some good banter. “Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how’s your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper’s and caught his can in the Bertie.” Or put on your best Scottish accent and recite: “‘Twas in the month of December In the year of eighteen eighty-two The railways lines near Pevensey Bay Were buried under the snoo. All thro’ the night the blizzard fiend Did like a lion roar The snow rose up from inches three To inches three foot four… And ooooo the snoooooo…” ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/38 "2007-11-02T15:41:37Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] Or put on your best Scottish accent and recite: “‘Twas in the month of December In the year of eighteen eighty-two The railways lines near Pevensey Bay Were buried under the snoo. All thro’ the night the blizzard fiend Did like a lion roar The snow rose up from inches three To inches three foot four… And ooooo the snoooooo…” [/QUOTE] Is that the dreaded William McGonagall and his Tay Bridge Disaster? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/39 "2007-11-02T16:30:48Z")
I lived in Yorkshire (near Harrogate) from the ages of 12-14, and developed a spot-on accent pretty quickly – to the point where one time, when my family was vacationing elsewhere in Europe, a Brit overheard me talking and could tell we lived in Yorkshire. When we moved back to the States my mom would make me “perform” for people. It was pretty annoying. I’m just glad that I never mastered Broad Yorkshire … though think of the entertainment value… 😉 Funnily enough, my best friend there could never quite get the hang of a “generic” American accent: it always came out sounding quite southern. [QUOTE=foxymoron] I was thinking “Bugger off.” [/QUOTE] Me, too! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873/40 "2007-11-02T16:40:06Z")
“Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin’ neck ain’t you. Retired? Fuck off, you’re revolting. Look at your suntan, it’s leather, it’s like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?” Followed by a punch to the stomach, assuming the person hasn’t fled. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-find-a-suitable-response/424873.md?page=3)