# Help me get my life in order: This bewildered twenty-something needs advice and lots of it **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2013, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077 "2013-04-30T05:23:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bldysabba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@bldysabba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bldysabba)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/21 "2013-05-01T09:14:35Z")
“Ever try. Ever Fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” - Beckett ---
**Author:** ![fatova\_mingus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@fatova\_mingus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatova_mingus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/22 "2013-05-01T09:21:03Z")
What a humble thing you’ve done and most people can’t reach that kind of humility while sustaining intellect until 35-40 or after life has kicked the shit out of them - which ever comes first. Remember this. You are further along than you know. Don’t ever use drugs. Don’t drink to your own detriment. The missing ingredient to your shit show is substance abuse. It will make change these trials which you can overcome into a crap shoot. I don’t like self help books. I like literature when I am stuck. Try a little Dorothy Parker if you appreciate sarcasm. Oscar Wilde if you like to write - he will make you want to write more and better and forever. Get every nickel of assistance you can from the government without beating the system. Keep your supportive friends and family close and don’t let the others get in your head. People will support you but not forever. So don’t screw around while they worry. Even when we think we know everything, even when we are told we are masters, we know only a little. Never stop learning. If you do it is the beginning of the end. You are amazing. People online are idiots myself included. We are here for ourselves only. If you gleam any small nugget from our crap pocket it. But don’t bank on us. We are flawed like you but in different and/or greater ways. You got this kid. You do. -Fatova Oh…one other thing…I am in my 40’s and my life is a shit show like you read about. I am only moments away from a crash and burn every day. But I am better than i was a year ago and believe I will better than THIS a year from now. The numbers bear it out. ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/23 "2013-05-01T15:43:56Z")
Accounting is very useful for an entrepreneur. Managing cash flow is the life blood of any business. Get your degree. Work for a company like the one you would like to start to learn the business and then start your company. You can’t control the way you feel, you have some control over what you think about, but you have alot of control over what you do. If you start doing the right things, you will start thinking about the right things, and if you start thinking right, the feelings will come. Don’t wait for the feelings, start now and let the feelings catch up. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/24 "2013-05-01T21:26:04Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Stay as healhty as possible as long as possible. Having had a health scare and long-term issues the reason for this should be obvious, but how you do that is: > [ul] > [li]Eat healthy[/li][li]Get some exercise/keep moving[/li][li]Learn to relax[/li][li]Get a hobby and do it for an hour a day[/li][li]Moderation in all things[/li][/ul] All good advice, > [@](#): > > Meanwhile - take advantage of inexpensive entertainment. Spend an hour a day enjoying yourself. It’s OK, really. After all, what are you working so hard for, if not to get some enjoyment out of life somewhere? Yes, this is important, I actually only started being able to laugh/cry a few months ago, and watching downloaded comedy really helped keep my spirits up. > [@](#): > > Read widely and in diverse categories. If you’re in a college course of course do the reading for that. Practice, practice, practice. Games that involve the use of short term memory can be a pleasant way to do that. Yes, it’s important not just to read in one area, to get out of this hole, I need to be creative and what is creativity but the joining together of different ideas. > [@](#): > > Don’t sacrifice the “good enough” in pursuit of the “perfect”. Good advice, perfectionism is the mother of stagnation. > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > You know, I heard something a long time ago, and it’s just as pertinent today as it was then. Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice - pull down your pants and slide on the ice. Excellent advice, my only problem is finding a frozen lake in Australia. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > You lie about your age? Why? And why _wouldn’t_ people believe you when you tell them this? Just odd all around. In the past I was deeply ashamed at getting sick, but now, I just keep doing it because I’ve always been doing it. > [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > How you got in is irrelevant; that you’ll be studying [here](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TMimZTCKXgA/TbBEsJUpKBI/AAAAAAAABYo/uGGmM6R-rGA/s1600/Sydney%2BUni.jpg) has me wondering why you think your life doesn’t have some kind of (favourable) order to it.. My grades weren’t exactly perfect before I got sick, I think I’ll only do a few courses at most next semester > [@bldysabba](#): > > “Ever try. Ever Fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” - Beckett Good advice. > [@fatova\_mingus](#): > > Don’t ever use drugs. Don’t drink to your own detriment. The missing ingredient to your shit show is substance abuse. It will make change these trials which you can overcome into a crap shoot. Tell me about it, because of my childhood stroke, I am extremely sensitive to certain prescription drugs, antidepressants made me more depressed, and the terrible last three years were due to taking ADHD stimulants. I wouldn’t I don’t drink much, as my family has a history of alcoholism. > [@](#): > > Keep your supportive friends and family close and don’t let the others get in your head. People will support you but not forever. So don’t screw around while they worry. I wish I knew that then, it seems I am starting over. > [@puddleglum](#): > > Accounting is very useful for an entrepreneur. Managing cash flow is the life blood of any business. Get your degree. Work for a company like the one you would like to start to learn the business and then start your company. > You can’t control the way you feel, you have some control over what you think about, but you have alot of control over what you do. If you start doing the right things, you will start thinking about the right things, and if you start thinking right, the feelings will come. Don’t wait for the feelings, start now and let the feelings catch up. Yes, that’s why I will persist with the course. You are right about getting into the right mindset. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/25 "2013-05-02T06:09:12Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > If you’re not enthused about accounting, perhaps you might consider an actuarial career? No I want to be a lion tamer! Oh and for advice. Take care of your teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/26 "2013-05-02T10:29:23Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Take care of your teeth. Is that an indirect way of saying don’t get into any fights? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/27 "2013-05-02T11:34:14Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Is that an indirect way of saying don’t get into any fights? Flossing is more important than avoiding fights. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/28 "2013-05-02T13:13:55Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Flossing is more important than avoiding fights. Plus, if worse comes to worse, the floss will make a handy garrott 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/29 "2013-05-02T13:42:21Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I am not unhappy being alone, I also look young for my age (I am 27 but people believe it when I say I’m 25). I have no overwhelming ethical quarms about pirating books or media. Stop lying about your age, and certainly don’t mention your lack of “ethical qualms about pirating books or media.” I’m not even sure why you mentioned it here; I don’t think I’d want to hire an accountant with questionable ethics. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/30 "2013-05-02T13:51:25Z")
1. Exercise 2. Finish your degree. 3. Find a job. 4. The rest sort of takes care of itself. > [@Namkcalb](#): > > Do you have any studying or project management advice or book recommendations? If you are looking to get into project management for professional development purposes (which isn’t a bad idea), you could check out the [PMI Project Manager Body of Knowledge guide.](http://www.pmi.org/PMBOK-Guide-and-Standards/Standards-Library-of-PMI-Global-Standards.aspx) I wouldn’t buy it, but you can find a lot of the content online by Googling it. (I happen to be studying for the PMP certification right now) Unlike most “management books” that tend to be more soft-skills oriented and fuzzy, it’s more of a technical manual. i.e. here are the documents you need to create, here is how you make a project plan, here’s how you estimate costs, so on and so forth. > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > I’m 28. Didn’t start getting my shit together until I met a guy. And even then, my shit is still pretty fucked-up. Just do your best, keep on chugging as much as you can. Take your vitamins, drink plenty of water, exercise if you can. Academically and career-wise, network as best as you can and fake it until you make it. Once you make it, you’ll still feel like you’re faking it–this is totally normal. I hate that stupid saying “fake it till you make it”. There are few things in life worth doing that you can bullshit your way through. “Faking it” is stressful. It puts you in a position you are ill-equipped for and makes you constantly worry about being discovered as a fraud. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/31 "2013-05-02T14:06:41Z")
Mood follows action. Don’t wait to be in the mood to do something. Start doing it, and about halfway through you’ll notice that the mood is with you. Beware of intake ennui. colelcting information feels like you are doing something, and in some cases (like when you are getting colege credit) it can be very important. But it is completely useless unless you then produce something with it. As for what to read, I highly recommend “The Screwtape Letters.” It is both humorous and ominous, and will help you recognize when you are falling into one of the many life-wasting traps available to us all. The Demon Screwtape, on how to tell when a human has been brought to a sure path to damnation: > [@](#): > > You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday’s paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and \*nothing \*given in return, so that at last he may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here, “I now see that I spent most of my life in doing \*neither \*what I ought \*nor \*what I liked”. The Christians describe the Enemy as one “without whom Nothing is strong”. And Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/32 "2013-05-02T23:21:12Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > 1. Exercise > 2. Finish your degree. > 3. Find a job. > 4. The rest sort of takes care of itself. Except it’s more like. 1. Exercise 2. Finish your degree. 3. **???** 4. Find a job. 5. The rest sort of takes care of itself. > [@](#): > > PMI Project Manager Body of Knowledge guide Thanks, I am looking through it, I’ll have no problem reading it as it is very similar in tone to the accounting standards. > [@](#): > > I hate that stupid saying “fake it till you make it”. There are few things in life worth doing that you can bullshit your way through. > > “Faking it” is stressful. It puts you in a position you are ill-equipped for and makes you constantly worry about being discovered as a fraud. You are right, besides, I am in a stable position right now, with a cast-iron excuse for being delayed, so I can afford the time to become an expert for real. > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Stop lying about your age, and certainly don’t mention your lack of “ethical qualms about pirating books or media.” I’m not even sure why you mentioned it here; I don’t think I’d want to hire an accountant with questionable ethics. When, a few weeks ago you had to choose between being evicted or going without food, you might see things differently. I am not in the position to spend hundreds on books on the chance they might be useful. Call my ethics questionable, but when faced with the choice of floundering my whole life on government benefits, or pirating the knowledge I need to become a productive member of society, I choose to pirate. When the values in the equation change, I will start paying for things. As for job applications, I don’t lie about my age. > [@TruCelt](#): > > Mood follows action. Don’t wait to be in the mood to do something. Start doing it, and about halfway through you’ll notice that the mood is with you. Yes, this is generally good advice, but my problem is, even when I get started, I start to get tired, and when I rest, I find it hard to get started again and I might forget what I am doing. This is an especially big problem for brain-intensive work. \*\*\*Does anyone have any suggestions to overcome this problem? \*\*\* > [@](#): > > Beware of intake ennui. colelcting information feels like you are doing something, and in some cases (like when you are getting colege credit) it can be very important. But it is completely useless unless you then produce something with it. Yes, this is very good advice, I’ve read books (and got an undergraduate degree) because it was the ‘right thing to do’, but the information was not applicable to my situation or needs. > [@](#): > > As for what to read, I highly recommend “The Screwtape Letters.” It is both humorous and ominous, and will help you recognize when you are falling into one of the many life-wasting traps available to us all. I’ll check it out, thanks ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/33 "2013-05-03T00:09:03Z")
For the getting started after a break problem - I leave sticky notes to myself about what I should do when I return to the task. Something specific and pretty concrete. When I come back to it, I do whatever Yesterday Me told me to do, and by the time I’ve done that, I’m back in the groove. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/34 "2013-05-03T12:19:10Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > For the getting started after a break problem - I leave sticky notes to myself about what I should do when I return to the task. Something specific and pretty concrete. When I come back to it, I do whatever Yesterday Me told me to do, and by the time I’ve done that, I’m back in the groove. But I seem to need to take breaks every half and hour or so, or even frequenter ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/35 "2013-05-03T13:39:29Z")
I guess I don’t know what you mean by tired. If you’re that physically tired you’re probably not ready to be in the job market. I don’t know of an employer who permits two breaks an hour, or more. If you mean mentally tired/losing focus, rotating among tasks sometimes helps. Also organize your work do that hardest tasks are done when you’re fresh (whenever that is for you- some people are night owls, others work best in the morning, etc.) and save easy simple stuff for when your brain is tired. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/36 "2013-05-03T13:58:55Z")
“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” -Barney Stinson ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/37 "2013-05-03T14:12:58Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Except it’s more like. > > 1. Exercise > 2. Finish your degree. > 3. **???** > 4. Find a job. > 5. The rest sort of takes care of itself. Why do you think there needs to be a #3? While no one is guaranteed a job, lots of folks find work right out of school. Don’t go into this assuming you won’t get a job; be positive \*\*\*and \*\*\* take the appropriate steps to boost your chances. Start networking now, look for internships, volunteer, etc. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/38 "2013-05-03T14:51:18Z")
Have you ever done a sleep study? anyone ever told you that you snore, or your legs twitch when you sleep? This is beginning to sound like a disrupted sleep cycle. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/39 "2013-05-03T15:46:09Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Why do you think there needs to be a #3? While no one is guaranteed a job, lots of folks find work right out of school. Don’t go into this assuming you won’t get a job; be positive \*\*\*and \*\*\* take the appropriate steps to boost your chances. Start networking now, look for internships, volunteer, etc. It’s hard to do an internship and still have the energy to study. Then again, employers care a lot about how much time you’ve had since. > [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I guess I don’t know what you mean by tired. If you’re that physically tired you’re probably not ready to be in the job market. I don’t know of an employer who permits two breaks an hour, or more. > > If you mean mentally tired/losing focus, rotating among tasks sometimes helps. Also organize your work do that hardest tasks are done when you’re fresh (whenever that is for you- some people are night owls, others work best in the morning, etc.) and save easy simple stuff for when your brain is tired. I get mentally tired, I can cycle or walk for hours, but sustaining mental effort is hard. Yes, I’ll try your scheduling advice. > [@TruCelt](#): > > Have you ever done a sleep study? anyone ever told you that you snore, or your legs twitch when you sleep? > > This is beginning to sound like a disrupted sleep cycle. I think so too. When I record the sounds I make when I sleep, I notice I talk alot. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077/40 "2013-05-06T07:32:32Z")
Shameless B.U.M.P. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-my-life-in-order-this-bewildered-twenty-something-needs-advice-and-lots-of-it/657077.md?page=1)