# Help me get rid of this 'telemarketer' **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 17, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366 "2007-01-17T20:14:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/21 "2007-01-18T01:50:29Z")
[QUOTE=alanak] You could try giving fake information once, and seeing if that gets you removed from the list. Probably not, but it might be worth a shot. [/QUOTE] Technically, one doesn’t get “removed from the list”, but added to a “do not call” list. I have to wonder if the telemarketers don’t use this bit of semantics as justification to keep calling.. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/22 "2007-01-18T01:50:36Z")
Let’s see…you could… Pretend to be the “operator” and say “the number you have called is not in service.” Ask your Friendly-Local-Bank-Manager-with-a-Sense-of-Humor® for assistance–give them a mock bank account number and when they try to access the $250, you two clear out THEIR bank account and report them to the authorities. Tell them your boyfriend will beat you real bad, I mean real bad, if you do this again, cuz last time, would you believe it, it was a scam. They never did send no money. And he was pissed off, you know, and he’s got a temper on him, he does. He took my phone away for a month and locked me in. I don’t need that kinda trouble. So…I couldn’t, really, you know. Now what did you want me to do? No no, I couldn’t do that. I mean, he’d get mad… Just keep talking until they hang up. (I did this once and the telemarketer believed me and was so concerned she had a women’s shelter get in touch with me.) Laugh and then call over a friend to listen. "Hey, Joe, I got one of these losers from Nigeria on the phone with the bank account scam…you gotta HEAR this…No really, I mean it…it’s one of THEM… Laugh. “Hey, I’m gonna put this guy on the speark phone.” Laugh hysterically. Tell them you filed for bankruptcy and don’t have $250–only $225. Tell them them if they mail you $25 by Western Union, you’ll deposit it and then you can send them $250. Ask them to call back in five minutes. Lather, rinse, repeat. Assign them their own ring tone so you don’t have to check if it’s a real call. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/23 "2007-01-18T01:55:29Z")
[QUOTE=Seven] If you’re caller IDing the number and know it’s them before you answer, pick up and say “CIA Fraud Center. Agent Smith speaking.” [/QUOTE] Not a bad idea, after listening to the call at **anamnesis** ’ link (which was hilarious). ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/24 "2007-01-18T01:55:32Z")
I have this Medicaid something company who calls almost daily. I tried everything, still calling. Now they are just my therapy. I tell them all kinds of obscenities and curses. Some of them stay on the line for quite a while. I think they have my number now on their little motivational whiteboard and call me just for kicks. Example: TM: Hi, this is Jane from ACME inc. Do you have insurance?. Me: Oh insurance is VERY important, specially when you have kids. Do you have kids? TM: Huh, yes, yes I do, a little gi… Me: I hope she dies a horrible painful death while you watch helplessly. Have a good day. \ I know the whole “they are just kids doing this for the money” thing. I don’t care, I don’t have access to the owner of the company and this is my only link to the company. Suck it up or change jobs. I take some pleasure thinking that I help increase their employee rotation and that increases their cost because of training costs. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/25 "2007-01-18T02:09:51Z")
you could learn some choice swear words in hindi. ---
**Author:** ![MrJackboots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MrJackboots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJackboots)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/26 "2007-01-18T02:19:46Z")
I just eat up their time, lately. It doesn’t matter whether they’re paid by commission or by the call; if I eat up a lot of their time, I’m costing them money, and, as **Sapo** says, it just doesn’t matter. Say you’ll go get your information if they can stick on the line for these five minutes… now where did you put that paper? It’s around here somewhere. You could swear you had that piece of paper right here. Maybe it’s in your desk drawer, which would make sense, but you need to go find the key… key… key… oh, right, the key’s in the pocket of your other pants, so just a moment while you get those… OK. Keys are right here. Huh, that’s weird. Paper’s not in the desk drawer, either. Crap; the stove is boiling over. Just a couple moments and you’ll go find your checkbook, and give them the account number off of that… My record is one hour, thirty-six minutes, eighteen seconds. Poor guy said he’d just call me back tomorrow, but he never did. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/27 "2007-01-18T08:07:42Z")
In the past, I’ve also done [this](http://www.tictokmen.com/7/mr_garland-booksale1.mp3) and sometimes [this](http://www.tictokmen.com/7/mr_garland-houseloan1.mp3)when telemarketers call. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/28 "2007-01-18T13:09:10Z")
After last night I might be ok with the air horn. We’ve been getting a ton of telemarketers the last week or so. I’m on the do not call list and have had the number for years. Last night someone called and I asked to be put on the do not call list. They actually sent some sort of loud signal at me that hurt my damn ear. I even had one last week tell me they couldn’t put me on their list because they didn’t know who I was. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/29 "2007-01-18T17:54:16Z")
I still like Seinfeld’s the best, but I never have the presence of mind to play with the telemarketers. “I’m sorry, I’m busy right now, but I can take your home number and call you back later…Oh, you don’t do that? You don’t want people bothering you at home? Well, now you know how I feel.” \>click\< ---
**Author:** ![ethelbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@ethelbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ethelbert)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/30 "2007-01-18T18:35:33Z")
I like to ask them if they mind me masturbating while they talk. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/31 "2007-01-18T19:11:34Z")
I got a call last night from some shmuck , from something called the 'Police Protective Association"-he calimed they collected money to buy cops bulletproof vests-is this legit? anyway, i told him I had requested “no Soliciting”-and he hung up in a flash! ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/32 "2007-01-18T19:25:03Z")
On a cell phone, it may not be such a good idea, but at home I like to just lay the phone down unhung up and go about my business. It’s not till a while later when I hear that noise that indicates the phone’s off the hook that I even remember I’ve done it. When my kid was much younger I used to like to hand him the phone too. ---
**Author:** ![Sonia\_Montdore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sonia\_Montdore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonia_Montdore)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/33 "2007-01-18T19:45:22Z")
[QUOTE=Elza B] IOne suggestion was to get an air horn and use it every time they call. Again, I can use it while not at work, and not while my kid’s sleeping, so that limits that. That’s obviously my first choice for retaliation, but I need other ideas. I’ve had it with these people. Any suggestions? E. [/QUOTE] If the air horn is too loud, get a whistle, a model like a coach’s whistle or a police whistle. Cheaper than an air horn. Smaller, too. Blow it into the phone the next few times they call. It probably won’t wake your kid if s/he’s sleeping in another room. Show your your co-workers the whistle before you blow it and warn them, so they don’t jump and spill thier coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/34 "2007-01-18T19:59:46Z")
I’m a big fan of “I’m sorry, what was that again?” in a perfectly pleasant and relaxed tone of voice. Just tune out the person on the phone until you hear silence, then say “I’m sorry, what was that again?”. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, they’ll get frustrated or the call will be taking entirely too long, and they’ll go away. My record is 42 minutes and 38 seconds. Unlike the similar approach suggested by **MrJackboots** , in this one you vouchsafe no response other than “I’m sorry, what was that again?”, therefore never giving any indication that you might even possibly be sympathetic to whatever it is they want. No encouragement, in other words. No bad karma, no need to be inventive, no need to even pay attention to what they’re saying. \*Note: I only recommend this approach for telemarketers who are repeat offenders and/or otherwise refuse to bugger off when asked politely the first time or two they call. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/35 "2007-01-18T20:41:02Z")
My answer to telemarketers is always, “You’re calling me on my cellular phone? I don’t want to pay for this call.” They apologize and hang up, and I don’t hear from them again. ---
**Author:** ![MrJackboots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MrJackboots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJackboots)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/36 "2007-01-18T21:02:04Z")
I wonder if I can break two hours if I combine **Aangelica** ’s method and mine. I mean, if she can get forty-eight minutes just by asking them to repeat themselves, and I can tack an hour and change after that, that could add up to over a quarter of a workday! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/37 "2007-01-18T21:34:55Z")
[QUOTE=ethelbert] I like to ask them if they mind me masturbating while they talk. [/QUOTE] Or make some groaning noises and when they ask what you are doing say . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’M MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCK! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/38 "2007-01-18T23:47:22Z")
[QUOTE=Elza B] I need to deter them from ever calling me back. I found a few suggestions on Google, but not all can be used while at work. One suggestion was to get an air horn and use it every time they call. Again, I can use it while not at work, and not while my kid’s sleeping, so that limits that. That’s obviously my first choice for retaliation, but I need other ideas. I’ve had it with these people. Any suggestions? [/QUOTE] [list=#]Get a tape recorder.[_]Call a fax number.[_]Record the fax’s whine.[_]Wait for scammer to call.[_]Play back the fax’s whine into the phone.[\*]Scammer will now think you’re a fax and either not call back or will call back and try to send a fax.[/list] ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2007, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/39 "2007-01-19T00:00:48Z")
I’m reminded of certain off-shore 1-900 numbers that have exorbitantly high rates per phone call, $20 a minute, or whatever, that was all the rage back in the '90s. It would be awesome if there were some way to automagically charge telemarketers per call, per minute, a “handling fee” taxes, etc. Still - telemarketing is a fairly large industry, so it is apparently profitable at some level - somewhere, idiots actually purchase items or services from these clowns. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2007, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366/40 "2007-01-19T00:37:12Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] … these scammers can program any number, any number at all, into their outbound caller-ID… [/QUOTE] Is that actually possible? I thought caller ID was provided by the telephone companies, not the consumer system at the other end. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-get-rid-of-this-telemarketer/388366.md?page=3)