# Help Me Help My Timid Assistant **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2015, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360 "2015-11-01T20:30:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/41 "2015-11-03T03:27:05Z")
Her timidity about approaching staff for the simplest transactions sounds like it is at a pathological level. I don’t think she’s ever going to be able to do this job. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/42 "2015-11-03T03:28:59Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Her timidity about approaching staff for the simplest transactions sounds like it is at a pathological level. I don’t think she’s ever going to be able to do this job. Is this a professional opinion? We are talking about a real person and her living. I think it behooves us not to jump to conclusions regarding someone we know only third hand in the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/43 "2015-11-03T03:40:09Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > “Common sense” is not really common or innate. Indeed, I don’t think it exists. It’s a series of things that have to be taught. And this might be a person who hasn’t been taught them yet. Whether or not you want to be the one to teach her seems to be the question. The problem is that nobody took the time to teach her “put the important papers where the important papers go?” Kumbaya and namaste, friend ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/44 "2015-11-03T03:47:40Z")
> [@Ascenray](#): > > Is this a professional opinion? We are talking about a real person and her living. I think it behooves us not to jump to conclusions regarding someone we know only third hand in the Internet. True, but we’re getting the story from the person who would know best what the job qualifications are. It sounds like this is very hustle-bustle place where timidity and slow learning are simply not assets. She’s had almost four months to get on the ball. It’s not like **Green Bean** hasn’t worked with her at all. Also, while I agree that the concept of “common sense” is overstated, I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect someone to have some basic skills when the agree to take on a job like this. There’s on-the-job training and then there’s hand-holding. **Green Bean** , you have my sympathies. I don’t know how I would deal with this situation, and it seems like you’re trying your best. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/45 "2015-11-03T03:51:24Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Is this a professional opinion? We are talking about a real person and her living. I think it behooves us not to jump to conclusions regarding someone we know only third hand in the Internet. No, it’s an opinion, here in IMHO. Based on what the OP says – the only information I have – she is so timid that after months on the job she can’t walk into an office and hand someone a paper? That doesn’t sound normal to me. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/46 "2015-11-03T04:04:21Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > No, it’s an opinion, here in IMHO. Based on what the OP says – the only information I have – she is so timid that after months on the job she can’t walk into an office and hand someone a paper? That doesn’t sound normal to me. It looks like a medical diagnosis. It uses the word “pathological.” That looks like something more than “an opinion.” If she really has an actual pathological issue, then we should be suggesting things like “encourage her to seek professional help” rather than “fire her ass.” I grew up extremely shy. I could not walk up to strangers and start talking to them. If my dad was at a conference for a week, when he returned, at first I would be too shy to talk to him. Then in college I chose to go into journalism. That’s a job that requires you to talk to strangers all the time. It was rough, but through many hits and misses, through practice, through rough patches, I now easily talk to people in professional circumstances. I’m still shit at parties though. Anyway, it hasn’t been easy, it has happened in fits and starts, but looking back, a lot of people could have made it a lot easier with things like (1) recognizing the issue, (2) having sympathy for it, and (3) mentoring. And this seems to be a small, close-knit firm. It doesn’t seem like it should be a place where this person can be helped along a little bit, such as talking to Big Scary Lawyer and other scary people and saying something like “Look, there’s an issue. This person is very smart and skilled, but why don’t we try to gather her in a bit? If you see her hovering around, ask her what she needs, just grease the skids a little bit.” Office people are still people. It shouldn’t be too hard to get reasonable, well-meaning people to at least try to accommodate a newcomer in small ways. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/47 "2015-11-03T04:36:51Z")
How much of the issue is that she doesn’t recognize that for senior people (anyone, really) having documents and information promptly and effectively delivered to them is something that is a benefit, not an interruption. Certainly, if you are waiting for a document and someone rushes in and gives it to you, that is a great thing. Even if it is just a budget form or some other administrivia, getting it to the right person timely is important, and most non-pathological people won’t shoot the messenger. Maybe you can do something to impress on her that interacting with people, even senior people, to do your job is mostly not an interruption, but just part of the process of working together to get the job done. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/48 "2015-11-03T05:40:09Z")
Green Bean, With all due respect I’d like to go back to her being a temp. Which by the way, I’m surprised that for such a position, a position where not only do they handle multi-million dollar communications, but are expected to be a part of these transactions, your using a temp. We all know what temp means. You work for an agency, not the company where one is at. One phone call and your gone and they bring in someone else. Now if a person is fired normally they can at least collect unemployment. That doesnt happen if your a temp. Plus being a temp means low pay, no chance for a raise, and no benefits. Temp is a 4-letter word for a reason. I really dont think your going to get much from such a person. I was a temp for a while and it amazed me that they expected me to work just as hard and put in just as much effort as a regular employee making twice what I was making plus getting benefits. So again, I’d say hire someone as a regular employee and let them know you will back them up then maybe you will get the right person. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/49 "2015-11-03T14:39:18Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You clearly have a particular idea of what an administrative job must entail. There is a broad range of positions that fall under that umbrella. Do not assume you understand the position becasue of the title. I work for a Fortune 25 company. We have admins that work in our corporate legal group, our HQ C-suite, all of our corporate capability groups, our division C-suites, etc. I have yet to find an admin role that requires a degreed person. Maybe you could enlighten us on what particular requirements your admin role has that requires a degree. What specific degree requirements do you list on your job requisition? What colleges offer a degree in administrative assistant? Regardless of your requirements, it doesn’t sound like the person you currently have in the role is fulfilling your expectations? Are there other roles in your organization that she could fill successfully? If not, you are doing her and your organization a disservice by keeping her there. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/50 "2015-11-03T14:47:22Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I really dont think your going to get much from such a person. I was a temp for a while and it amazed me that they expected me to work just as hard and put in just as much effort as a regular employee making twice what I was making plus getting benefits. I don’t necessarily agree with this. When I was a temp I worked very hard in the hope that I might be hired as a regular employee, and eventually I was. Obviously it depends on the position and the employee’s goals, but I don’t think a temp should get away with doing the bare minimum just because they are a temp. Besides, handing a document to someone in their office should not be a difficult thing. It sounds more and more like she’s just not a good fit. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/51 "2015-11-03T15:31:08Z")
I worked like a dog when I was a temp in the hopes of getting a permanent fulltime job. Guess what? I did! And I am still there, thirteen years later. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/52 "2015-11-03T15:51:46Z")
Part of it is learning the culture. When I first started working in healthcare, I was really nervous about interrupting Very Important Doctors. My first shift alone in ER after training, my doc flew past my desk, barked three orders then closed himself in his office. I had no idea which of the three things he wanted done first, so I started working them in the order he said them. Five minutes later, he is in my office ripping me a new one because I didn’t guess the order right. I am clerical, not clinical, at that point I didn’t know enough to know which was most critical. Had I been a more timid person, I would have cowered around him. Instead, I learned to barge right in the office and get clarification of what he needed. But I had to learn that while he was my doc, he wasn’t my boss. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/53 "2015-11-03T15:58:51Z")
This person is not a good fit for this environment. If you’re her friend, sit her down, be honest and open about the behaviour that makes you believe this. Ask her if she honestly believes she can change this part of her nature for work. Give her a couple of weeks to demonstrate so. If she still can’t do it, it’s time to let her go. At least she’ll understand why. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/54 "2015-11-03T17:24:38Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > 1. She had something for Chief to sign. His door was open. She literally danced from foot to foot just outside his door wondering what to do. He wasn’t even on the phone. You know what he was doing? Chit-chatting with the other guy in the department about Halloween decorations. And she was scared to walk in. What the everloving fuck? I actually came behind her and gave her a little nudge and guided her in to Chief’s office and motioned her to give it to him. > > 2. She had a budget form to give to Kahuna. I told her it needed to get done today. She flagged him as he was walking by and he said “oh, good. Put it on my chair.” See, Kahuna doesn’t have an inbox. None of us do. His system is simple. If it’s something he actually should look at, hand it to him or if he’s not there, put it on his chair. You know, the one he sits in, so he won’t fail to notice it. (His desk is a mess) Newspapers, junk mail, magazines, and the like go on the chair in front of his desk. He looks at those…well, basically never. I throw it all out every few months. Later today, we had a call. I went to sit on his junk mail, and I noticed that I was about to sit on that budget form. I said “what’s that doing here?” She said “He said to put it on his chair.” :smack: Which chair did she think he meant? The chair where important stuff goes or the chair that is the equivalent to the black hole of Calcutta? She’s only been delivering his mail for 3 months already. If she can’t make these sorts of determinations without being told… #1 is just dumb. You need to treat this like Wellington treated his soldiers when they were taking enemy fire. She needs to advance in the face of enemy fire, or even, just advance when the enemy is faffing around. It’s scary but she has to do it. #2 - is actually not her fault. “Put it on my chair” is not an appropriate system for handling documents. This is doubly true when there are multiple chairs. It’s not her job to decide if a document goes in the important chair or the stupid chair. It’s not her fault that his desk is rendered hopeless. He needs a standard inbox - you all do - and he needs to deal with items in his inbox in a timely manner. She needs a standard inbox to leave items for each of you/ This would be true even if she didn’t act like a pug with a bladder infection. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/55 "2015-11-03T17:41:40Z")
Yeah that latter one is not her fault. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/56 "2015-11-03T17:56:05Z")
> [@Billdo](#): > > How much of the issue is that she doesn’t recognize that for senior people (anyone, really) having documents and information promptly and effectively delivered to them is something that is a benefit, not an interruption. She’s been told and told and told. > [@Merneith](#): > > #2 - is actually not her fault. “Put it on my chair” is not an appropriate system for handling documents. This is doubly true when there are multiple chairs. It’s not her job to decide if a document goes in the important chair or the stupid chair. It’s not her fault that his desk is rendered hopeless. He needs a standard inbox - you all do - and he needs to deal with items in his inbox in a timely manner. She needs a standard inbox to leave items for each of you/ This would be true even if she didn’t act like a pug with a bladder infection. Oh please. Putting important things on chairs is SOP all over the office, even if people do have inboxes. There’s no reason Kahuna should have a standard inbox if that system doesn’t work effectively for him. His current system works fine, and she’s been following it for over 3 months. Come to think of it, I’ve been following it for over 3 years. This was a failure of critical thinking on her part. It’s obvious that it should have gone on the important chair. (And now I will always think of the chairs in front of his desk as “the stupid chairs.” Hee) If it was the ONLY incident like that, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but it’s just one of many instances of failure to think critically. Another one came today…oy. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/57 "2015-11-03T18:05:58Z")
In other news: Today, I spoke to Guy#3 and formally recommended that Jane be let go. Turns out Chief had been thinking she wasn’t a good fit for a while, but trusted me to make that decision. Guy#3 (who is handling the matter) is disappointed because he likes to help people grow and develop, but reluctantly agrees with my assessment. I haven’t said anything to Kahuna - I’ll let Guy#3 and Chief tell him. Chief will be in tomorrow, and I guess we’ll talk then. I recommended that we hire an experienced administrative/executive assistant who can provide the ever-increasing administrative support that we need to the whole department. That might be tricky to implement, but hopefully it can be done. As of today, I took back some of the higher-level stuff she’s been doing so she can at least do better with the admin stuff, and hopefully we can keep her through the transition. In the meantime, Guy#3 asked me to write up a list of the administrative tasks needed for the department. The guys just don’t GET how complex and time-consuming it all can be. But they’ll see…oh yes…they’ll see. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/58 "2015-11-03T18:07:43Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > #1 is just dumb. You need to treat this like Wellington treated his soldiers when they were taking enemy fire. She needs to advance in the face of enemy fire, or even, just advance when the enemy is faffing around. It’s scary but she has to do it. > > #2 - is actually not her fault. “Put it on my chair” is not an appropriate system for handling documents. This is doubly true when there are multiple chairs. It’s not her job to decide if a document goes in the important chair or the stupid chair. It’s not her fault that his desk is rendered hopeless. He needs a standard inbox - you all do - and he needs to deal with items in his inbox in a timely manner. She needs a standard inbox to leave items for each of you/ This would be true even if she didn’t act like a pug with a bladder infection. I sort of have to respectfully disagree about your take on #2 actually. She’s been responsible for handling mail for several months and ought to have a sense of where time-sensitive and important documents ought to be placed for the people whose mail she handles. I’m also going to opine that Mister Put It On My Chair _does_ have a standard inbox system - it’s just not the most common one. In my experience, the whole put-it-on-my-chair thing crops up fairly often as an inbox procedure. I’ve run into it in several different offices over the years. There are just some people who either can’t deal with classic in-and-outboxes or don’t function well with that system or just don’t like it. Hell, my most-recent former boss had three “inboxes” on his desk - one that was for new shit, one that was for shit he was giving back to me and one for “I want to think about this and I’ll get to it when I feel like it” shit.\* For the record, they were all - every goddamn one - labelled “INBOX”. He’d been using that system for several decades before I started work for him, and I presume still uses it - it’s what works for him. Part of a department admin’s job is to adapt to whatever system is working for the people she supports. Sounds like Mister Chairs here has an established - if idiosyncratic - system. Her task is to work with it, not arbitrarily decide she likes another system better. I don’t think it would ever occur to me, after having been told “Put it on my chair” to put it on any chair _other_ than the chair whoever it was customarily sat in. \*Annoyingly, the box on the corner nearest the door, which one would presume to be the inbox in a vacuum, was actually the outbox and the one in the CENTER (not the one closest to him) was the inbox. The one closest to him was the “I’ll get to this when I feel like it” pile. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/59 "2015-11-03T21:25:39Z")
When was the last time someone gave her a real bollocking? Not just a “You fucked up.” or “You need to fix this behaviour.” but “You fucked up _here_ because you’re too fucking timid. And _here_. And _here_. And _here_. And… \ I hired you because XYZ. You have seriously let me down. Now fuck off home. I want to see you here tomorrow with a new frame of mind and some fucking backbone.” Some people need to be explicitly told. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/60 "2015-11-03T21:55:25Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > When was the last time someone gave her a real bollocking? Not just a “You fucked up.” or “You need to fix this behaviour.” but “You fucked up _here_ because you’re too fucking timid. And _here_. And _here_. And _here_. And… \ I hired you because XYZ. You have seriously let me down. Now fuck off home. I want to see you here tomorrow with a new frame of mind and some fucking backbone.” > > Some people need to be explicitly told. I’m not arguing with the necessity for this, but the OP is in a unique position in that his assistant is a contractor - not actually his employee. Rules and Regs when dealing with a contractor is that you report the issue to the contractor’s employer (the temp service) and ask THEM to do the yelling. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360.md?page=4)